Menopausal Hotties

The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual

The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..

Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?

Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.

Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.

Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.

We continue with…

28. Urinary Incontinence

There are so many problematic peri/menopause symptoms that come our way, however, this particular symptom can be a rather embarrassing and messy affair, and believe us when we say that nobody is pi$$ing themselves laughing when it comes to our next symptom - urinary incontinence - even though we actually are pi$$ing ourselves when we laugh!

A hearty chuckle or good old belly laugh can cause anything from a small dribble to an avalanche of pee escaping at the most inopportune moments as our weakened muscles struggle to keep it all in!

Menopause can cause urinary incontinence as a result in a thinning of the lining of the urethra due to reduced oestrogen levels.

But it’s not just laughing that sets us off ladies! Add into the mix sneezing, coughing and or some heavy lifting, and you’ll find life takes on a whole new meaning with you potentially facing precarious situations at any time, any place, anywhere…hand us that Martini - who around here remembers that catchy 80s advert?

Meanwhile, hold your horses for a minute hotties before you reach for the bottle, because cutting back on our alcohol consumption is one of the most helpful bits of advice to alleviate this particular symptom, relieving some of the strain on your bladder, so, if you are having a tipple, just make sure it’s a small one!

Also making it onto the moderation list is caffeine, so ease up fellow hotties on the tea and coffee intake. Switching to decaff tea might help your bladder health. If being drip fed espresso coffee is a coping mechanism to get you through the day, then you’re going to have to rethink such vices and instead opt for a healthier option - green/herbal tea and a thumping good soundtrack (see below) will hopefully take your mind off any caffeine withdrawal symptoms!

Whilst you are grooving to the music you can try to incorporate some pelvic floor strengthening exercises by squeezing and relaxing your pelvic muscles to help with bladder control.

Don’t forget to ease and squeeze to the beat!!! And forgive our very naughty sense of humour with our song choices!

It’s time to retrain that old bladder and to get it working for you, not against you.

As with anything to do with our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any medications or other treatments that may help with such symptoms.

And last but by no means least - don’t forget the menopause drill to keep you in top tip top condition whilst navigating this literal, and metaphorical, shower!

Laughter is the best medicine, even though in this case it can be a bit of a trip/slip hazard! So just take the pi$$ out of yourself and shout KNICKERS to the menopause at the top of your voice - even if it does come with a steady side trickle of pee!

Rivers of Babylon - Boney M
Walk Like an Egyptian - The Bangles
Islands In The Stream - Comic Relief
Oops!...I Did It Again - Britney Spears
I’m So Excited - The Pointer Sisters
Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life - Monty Python
Purple Rain - Prince
Waterfalls - TLC
Ooh Aah (Just A Little Bit) - Gina G
Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake
The Fear - Lily Allen
The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
The Flood - Take That
Rain - Madonna
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel