October 2022

Menopausal Hotties

The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual

menopausal hotties profile photo

The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..

Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?

Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.

Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.

Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.

We continue with…

9. Mood Swings

If your mood changes more erratically than a politician U-turning on what they said a mere 24 hours ago, well fellow Hottie, it’s more than likely that you are experiencing ANOTHER of those pesky peri/menopausal symptoms.

Roll up, roll up, it’s time for ‘Mood Swings’ ~ BTW, check this out ~ you will have absolutely NO idea when they are coming! You get ZERO warning. Zilch. Nada. Which is frustratingly ironic when you know that boffins and scientists have applied themselves to earthquakes and tsunamis to build some early-warning system, yet nothing for us Hotties.

Those mood swings can strike anytime…any place…anywhere. And boy oh boy could we do with a glass of Martini!

When these mood-altering episodes occur, it’s probably best that family, friends, and loved ones either give you a wide berth, or swot up on some menopausal facts FAST if they wish to keep their peaceful surroundings intact, and not have them torn to shreds to be handed back to them on a plate!

Hell hath no fury like a peri/menopausal woman not taken seriously nor handled delicately with kid gloves ~ if your loved ones didn’t know how to ‘tread carefully’ when your unpredictable mood pendulum goes a’swinging and the $hit hits the fan…welllllllll, it’s safe to say it will be a lesson swiftly and harshly learned, and their future reactions will be ‘modified’ accordingly!

So Hotties, what can we expect with this pendulum of mood swings?

  • Irritability
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Inexplicably tearful

It’s safe to say that the menopause ‘phase’ is extremely challenging for our emotions, even when we may have been used to some erratic moods whilst having our periods. Well dearest Hotties ~ these menopausal-induced mood swings can be an extreme version of this.

Let’s delve a bit deeper to take a closer look at what’s making our moods go so bat$hit crazy!

This adverse change to our moods boils down to (yet again) fluctuating hormones ~ oestrogen is the main culprit ~ it changes the way our body handles serotonin ~ however, there are many things we can do to help ourselves on this emotional rollercoaster, as we clatter through this menopausal stage of our life.

  • Eat well ~ we don’t mean stuff your face with cake, chips or chocolate. You are what you eat ~ so if you eat good, healthy food, you will feel good and healthy. Eat a load of crap, you will feel like crap. If you can’t pronounce the ingredients on the food label, give it a miss!
  • Cut back on alcohol ~ especially the gin ~ it’s not known as mother’s ruin for nothing! The occasional tipple is fine, but take it to the extreme by emptying the bottle, you’re asking for trouble! And it WILL make your mood swing-o-metre go into meltdown!
  • Exercise regularly ~ say it quickly and it doesn’t hurt so much. You don’t have to be a gym bunny or a flexible yoga fanatic ~ try walking, swimming, a little hanky panky (in-keeping with this month’s issue!). Or, our personal favourite ~ dance like nobody is watching, to some thumping good tunes ~ we’ve put our toe-tapping, mood-busting, floor-filling, booty-shaking playlist below.
  • Get more sleep ~ this is so important. It’s tricky enough being a peri/menopausal woman, HOWEVER, a tired peri/menopausal woman is twice as bad, and a hundred times more moody! Try to get a full night’s sleep ~ don’t be embarrassed if you need a little cat nap during the day. Who's counting? We’re not!
  • Try a new hobby to keep your brain, body, and mood occupied. Now is as good a time as any to try something you’ve always wanted. Take up ballroom dancing ~ join a choir ~ try baking (just remember not to sample everything you make!) Find out what group activities there are in your local area and give them a go.
  • Consider complementary therapies ~ there are so many to choose from ~ aromatherapy massage or Reiki healing ~ plus there are a lot of vitamins, minerals and supplements, including HRT ~ compare ‘notes’ with your fellow Hotties ~ but first of all, make sure you talk through your options with a health professional as they can interact and interfere with other medicines.
  • Think positive ~ this won’t last forever, even if it feels like it! You can try meditation or guided visualisations ~ read some positive affirmations ~ our magazine has a whole host of them ~ if all else fails, try reading and watching some of the fun features in this magazine. Between The LWA, Lady P and Interview with the Drag Queen, you’ll be well entertained and your funny bone tickled ~ laughter is the best medicine!

Speaking of laughter ~ remember the Grinch who stole Christmas? The menopause is a bit/lot like him!

When you’re not looking, he steals your body, replacing it with a smokin’ hot body, just NOT the hot body you had in mind! You now have a furnace, living inside you switching itself on and off, in a nanosecond, with no warning ~ and let’s not forget our tummy ~ not so much a muffin top, more of a cake shelf!

Your lovely sleepy night in the land of nod, has been magically swapped for an evening of tossing and turning, doing the hokey cokey with the duvet!

Where once there was peachy glowing skin, now there’s menopause acne and unwanted facial hair, leaving you to sport a rather unattractive mustache! Tho with Movember on the horizon, every cloud eh…?!

Your sunny personality is taken hostage by a million mood swings ~ boy did Forrest Gump hit the nail on the head when he said “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” No $hit Sherlock!

Dense brain fog has taken up residence, and with it, its unwelcome roommate of a dodgy memory ~ then factor in an insatiable appetite for naps, caffeine, and alcohol of any type (really not fussed) ~ throw in some sugar-loaded food or a truckload of ‘treats’ crammed full of unhealthy fats ~ and all the while, you are using every last bit of willpower not to cave in and end up feeling even more $hittier than you did before!

We could go on. And on. And on. And on, However, that’s enough information overload for this month, otherwise fellow Hotties, the mood swing-o-metre will go into overdrive. Tho remember ~ knowledge is power :)

When your mood goes mad, and you’re feeling sad…
Who ya gonna call?

So we will leave you with some mood-busting tunes to help turn that frown upside down.

Dance Yourself Dizzy ~ Liquid Gold
Crazy ~ Gnarls Barkley
Walking On Sunshine ~ Katrina & The Waves
Let’s Go Crazy ~ Prince
Don’t Stop Me Now ~ Queen
Happy ~ Pharrell Williams
Scream & Shout ~ will-i.am ft. Britney Spears
Don’t Worry Be Happy ~ Bob McFerrin
I Wanna Dance With Somebody ~ Whitney Houston
Man! I Feel Like A Woman ~ Shania Twain

Hottie’s Menopause Manual

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Tags: Menopausal Hotties