The only person who can defeat me is myself
Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, telling ourselves we can’t do this, we’re not good enough for that, we don’t fit in. It’s a bit like having a destructive monster within us, whose job is to bring us down, make us worry, make us doubt, chip away at our self confidence until there is nothing left to feast on…an angry and manipulative monster who is there, in the background, ready to raise its ugly head and sabotage our good efforts, everytime we dare to dream or believe that something good can happen.
The monster in question is called self-sabotage and we all have one living inside of us.
The all important question is:
Do we feed the monster? Do we fight the monster? Or do we keep it locked up inside and hope it never escapes?
Self-sabotage is often driven by negative self-talk, where you tell yourself that you're inadequate, or unworthy of success…but listen here…that’s not you talking really…that’s the ‘monster’ inside, working your chains and manipulating your brains.
So let’s evaluate your options:
Option 1: Feed the monster
This is where the monster feeds off your insecurities, self-doubt and your indecisiveness.
That's just giving it what it wants - the power to control you, keeping you in a negative and worried state - a state of dependence, where it gets to rule your world. If that’s the kind of life you want to live, well keep doing what you’re doing and look forward to a life with no fullfillment, no joy…just constant worry, negativity and second guessing yourself EVERY step of the way.
I’m guessing tho, that that’s NOT the kind of life you want to live, so let’s look at the next option.
Option 2: Fight the monster
Pick up your sword and shield and prepare to duel the monster as battle is ready to commence on everything you say and do.
You try with all your might to fend off the negativity, all the doubt, the unwelcome thoughts of being a failure, saying something stupid, doing something wrong - the more you fight, the more aggressive you become, the more you raise your voice, and before long the monster isn’t living inside you, the monster IS you!
The problem is, in order to take control and take down the monster, you think fighting fire with fire is the answer, but then you just end up losing yourself in the battle. So what’s the next option?
Option 3: Keep the monster locked up and hope it never escapes
If you ignore something for long enough - perhaps it will go away?
If you don’t answer the questions asked - then maybe they will stop?
If you keep trying to turn negativity into positivity, perhaps all the doubt will stop?
It’s exhausting and NOBODY can keep that up 24/7. It’s a full time job trying to keep the monster locked away and all a bit ‘mission impossible’, so best not to waste too much time and energy on this option.
Always overthinking things WILL result in total burnout!
And now we have the smart option; the ideal option; an option we didn’t mention beforehand.
Option 4: Try making peace with the monster
You need to understand why you have a monster within, and what is its purpose?
Sometimes you can lose sight of yourself and become lost, you lose your confidence and sense of purpose and cannot stand up for yourself. People can take advantage of you and sometimes it’s only the monster's reaction that can highlight that and protect you from being taken for a ride.
Turn the situation and doubts around. Turn the tables on your monster and use its tactics to your advantage.
Let it become your own personal ‘cheering squad of one’, because your monster can make you stronger and brave, it can help you take more risks, become more courageous…give you a strong voice.
It makes you unafraid when you unleash it. It makes you say what you really feel…brings out the truth…shows people your true colours whether you want them to see them or not.
It holds up the mirror and shows you your own true reflection…perhaps that is why we don’t like the monster.
We want people to see the best of us and the monster is the part of us we’d like to keep hidden, because it can be nasty and frightening.
Befriend yourself and your monster!
Hopefully you only bring the monster out for good reason, however, there are people who allow their monster to run rampant all the time…it gives them power, it gives them a licence to behave badly, and the excuse of “it wasn’t me”! It allows us to blame the monster - “it wasn’t my fault, it was the monster within”…
Some of us are embarrassed by our monster's behaviour, whereas others may be pleased with how the monster reacted, and are now happy for it to go back into its ‘box’. Learn your monster’s good and bad points, and how you can best harness and utilise them.
The monster is part of you, and always will be - you just need to learn how to understand it and treat your monster well, because there will be a time and a place for it to make an appearance.
Sometimes it can protect you not only from yourself but from others. So learn to love it, appreciate it; know when to feed it, or starve it of energy. It only needs exercising now and again and needs to spend lots of time indoors but most importantly let your monster rest… LOTS!