Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Silence may be awkward, but it’s so much better than you blurting out the unvarnished truth sweetie. Just lately you have a penchant for speaking your mind which can be a good thing, but for heaven’s sake learn to engage the brain before opening and operating the mouth!!! Nobody wants their entire outfit dissected by a self-appointed fashionista who thinks they know best. Who died and made you a fashion god? Unless it’s constructive criticism or they have entered the office with loo roll* dangling off their heel, or their midi skirt tucked into a rather ugly pair of Bridget Jones pants - then quite frankly dear, it would be more prudent to keep snide, bitchy comments to yourself. As the saying goes - if you’ve got nothing nice to say - then don’t say anything at all! *Given the current situation with people stockpiling loo roll, you’re not going to say anything, and lunge for every last scrap you can lay your paws on! #SilenceIsGolden
Overspending alert!!! Slow down darling or you’re going to be up to your threaded eyebrows in clothes, shoes and accessories, facing the prospect of immediate eviction and a mountain of debt, with Messrs Visa & Mastercard sliding into your inbox a little more than you would like, along with the prospect of having NO money to see you through until payday, which equals beans on toast or dried noodles with ketchup for the foreseeable future!!! And will it all be worth it just to have those extra outfits at the drop of a hat? Well sweetie, that’s a question only you will have the answer to and don’t forget that ‘recycling’/re-wears are all the rage now - even the A-List have finally cottoned on and caught up with the rest of us mere impoverished mortals! #ChampagneLifestyleCiderBudget
There is frustration and confusion all around you as you try to navigate the utterly typically bonkers British weather. Really? Seriously? What are the weather gods playing at?! We are experiencing all four seasons in one day, and to be honest, whilst we did love being able to wear designer wellies and macs, perfectly accessorised with a fab umbrella, to be frank, we’re more than a little miffed (and bored) now at its wet and miserable persistence!!! We are so totally OVER those storms no matter what name they’re going by this week. We just want some semblance of (relative) normality restored pronto, so we can get back to looking our best with the remaining contents of our wardrobe. #StormInATeacupPrettyPlease
Your inner fashionista circle, i.e. those whose fashion sense is almost as impeccable as yours, will be your highest priority this month, as you negotiate what’s on offer, ready to combat the dreaded wedding season! YES, we know *THAT* season seems a long way off, but believe us, it will come around soon enough. So be prepared! Forward planning is the way to go as there are so many obstacles which could derail you. From daft dress codes to wedding faux pas - make sure you are talked about and admired for ALL the right reasons and NOT because everyone thought you were the bride, or the bride’s mother! Such embarrassment would require either a swift exit or brazening it out by the bar. Don’t be so fashion-forward that you upstage the bride! #AllEyesOnTheBride
Your BIG moment is coming. The changing of a season is your chance to cement your fashionista status on the world, well at least with those who work with you and/or see you on a daily basis. You’re always wanting to impress and spring is *the* perfect platform for you to show off a new element to your wardrobe after months of semi-hibernation and having to wear everything bar the duvet to keep you warm and dry. It’s time to free those limbs and not weigh them down with countless heavy fabrics which have made you feel frumpy and at least 10 pounds heavier than you are! So with that in mind sweetie, just think of shedding those bulky layers as if it’s an overnight weight loss exercise, but without the effort and cost which usually goes hand in hand with it! #KillTwoBirdsWithOneStone
You LOVE your routines, or shall we call them ‘fashion rituals’ as they are bordering on the insane or downright bonkers?! In fact they could almost be perceived as witchy tendencies, so you may as well go all out and perform them in front of a bubbling cauldron whilst chanting spells! We can safely promise you sweetie, that should you stray off course in your morning ‘get-ready’ routine, that you won’t spontaneously combust - honestly! And for that matter, you won’t get sent to fashion prison for doing your hair before your makeup. Shake up that daily routine and live a little. Live a LOT! Things are not set in stone. Be daring and throw caution to the wind; take baby steps if necessary - go unleash your inner wild child. #IWantToBreakFree
Trying to solve mind-numbing problems all on your little ownsome? Don’t be daft ducky - it’s time to call in the cavalry. Collaborations could be just what you need and are looking for but didn't know it, or didn’t want to admit to. You can’t always have the most fabulous fashion choices without a teeny tiny bit of outside influence or help. And other people can be very inspirational. There’s no need to be so aloof sweetie!!! Nobody is saying your fashion credentials aren’t ‘tip-top’. Just learn to embrace creativity from all those around you, who want to help, who inspire, and who also want to celebrate said creativity, ideally with large bottles of bubbles of the alcoholic variety! #TwoHeadsAreBetterThanOne
Might you be over-thinking a situation? The greatest fashionistas of all time have one thing in common - the ability to spring an amazing outfit out of nowhere at the drop of a hat without really thinking about it. They have a natural flair and it’s not something which can be learnt from a textbook. It’s a ‘fashion god’, God-given gift. Call it a sixth sense, a built in intuition, an all-consuming passion which constantly bubbles and simmers away under the surface. By all means planning an outfit is a rewarding task, HOWEVER, unless you can pull out the most stupendous outfit from a magician’s hat or pluck one out of thin air, then you have absolutely NO business whatsoever labeling yourself a fashionista darling! #MagicNotTragic
Hello spring, oh how we’ve missed you! Welcome back to our lives. This may be a touch melodramatic but let’s just get one thing straight - we’re all pretty much sick to the back teeth of winter, being cold, and miserable and wearing so much clothing that we look like we’re wearing clothes made from quilted bedding! And don’t get us started on the stodgy, yet yummy comfort food we’ve been feasting on while we’ve been confined to barracks, losing days AND nights spent in front of the TV, as we laze and lounge around, and loathe to venture outside to face the elements. Get ready people, because now it’s time to break FREE, throw off the heavy clothing, ditch the calorie-laden food and start to embrace a lighter life! #SpringIsInTheAir
There has to be give and take in every relationship. You give the shops your money, and, in return, you take home their fabulous clothes and accessories. No money = no clothes. But you don’t want to part with your cash; oh no, you want it, ALL, for nothing. You want a one-sided relationship where you can take, take, take, but with absolutely no give by return! Well sweetie - to put it bluntly - that’s daylight robbery; so unless you fancy a trip to the local cop shop, followed by a starring role in the dock at your local courtroom (resulting in some unfavourable publicity), then we suggest the following: Organise a clothes swap, aka ‘swish’, with all your friends. It’s a great occasion to socialise, to declutter by getting rid of unwanted items, and with the added bonus of getting lots of new things FREE!!! #EveryOnesAWinner
You can achieve a lot simply by putting your wonderful organisational skills to work. When chaos reigns all around you, it can put a real downer on your mood, so put aside some time to sort out the mess, declutter your life and get everything back in order to just the way you like things to be. WARNING!!! Don't try to do it all at once. Remember sweetie, Rome wasn’t built in a day and you don’t want concerned friends finding you in a drunken stupor at the bottom of your wardrobe, half buried in a ton of clothing, wishing you had never started this project. Oh well duckie, at least you had the good sense to stay hydrated during this debacle... #KeepCalmAndStayHydrated
You may be inspired to take those new health and fitness goals to the next level, HOWEVER, please don’t fall into that oh-so familiar trap of either signing up to an expensive gym membership, or a subscription to have a healthy food box delivered to your door. And we won’t even mention purchasing a ridiculous amount of lycra clothing and enough trainers to accommodate the entire British Olympics team! We know you like to look the part but get real sweetie. Don’t be that person with ‘all the gear, yet no idea’! Learn to cook, take the pizza delivery number off your phone, take part in Jo Pope’s yoga practice, weight lift with household objects, (creative mind required!), and put on your most comfiest clothes that you already own for exercising. Failing that we recommend using your PJs. Get creative, not skint! #WhereTheresAWillTheresAWay