Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Your instincts are serving you well this month - so believe in them and allow them to guide you as you try to navigate through the minefield transition of winter to spring attire!!! Panic will undoubtedly set in as you try to decide whether to banish the warm, ‘full on’, full length furry coats to the back of the wardrobe in favour of lightweight jackets. Decisions, decisions!!! Just err on the side of caution and make sure you have an array of warm, colourful, fabulous and oh so stylish hats and scarves to see you through, just in case you were a little hasty... Layers are your new BFF. After all it could still be a bit bit nippy out there and a shivering fashionista covered in goosebumps, the colour of corned beef is soooo not a good look sweetie!!!
It is entirely likely you will majorly regret a purchase you made online while heavily under the influence of alcohol!!! Now don’t worry! We’ve all been there sweetie - iPad in one hand, enormous, homemade (generous measures) cocktail in the other, scrolling through endless outfits and accessories - adding to shopping cart with wanton abandonment!!! Only waking up to the damage we’ve done 3-4 days later when the deliveries start piling up... Ooops! THANKFULLY, most online shops offer FREE returns within 14 days. Time to wise up. Think long and hard about what needs to be returned and for heaven’s sake, let this be a harsh lesson to NOT drink and shop til you drop! It’s dangerous and lives could be lost; we’re talking yours, especially if your nearest and dearest picks up the tab and finds out what you’ve been up to!
Your outgoings are likely to be extraordinarily high this month as not only do you have a fashionista reputation to uphold, but you have a social diary that would make a socialite weep with envy! While it’s perfectly acceptable to be peeved at those whom have thoughtlessly booked their events into one tiny month, you being you will have to be at them all, showing off your latest outfits and being the belle of the ball! Plus you need to be prepared for how outrageously high your bar bill will be (hello Mr Barclaycard!) Well suck it up sweetie, get creative without cooking the books. Maybe a ‘posh boot sale’ for friends and family to try and recoup some money. And just think of all the extra space you’ll have from spring cleaning your wardrobe! Even more shopping awaits!!!
Tempting as it may be to indulge in some international shopping, caveat emptor, BUYER BEWARE!!! Do your homework and vet the seller before you part with your hard earned cash sweetie. Just remember you are only one click away from what you thought was the perfect bargain replica of a Dior dress you saw on the runway; what you end up with is a knock-off dress which doesn’t remotely resemble the one pictured, and in its place is a shapeless sack of cheap, faded fabric that’s barely suitable for your precious pets to sleep on, and that’s being generous! If it isn’t labelled Dior (with original tags), costing the same as a small pony (or the equivalent of a few months wages at least), then obviously darling it isn’t bloody Dior!!! Use the brains you were given sweetie...
Your main focus this month will be on further self-investment and don’t you just love investing in yourself? Of course you do sweetie. You are your number one fan and NOTHING excites you more than looking out for YOU! And just imagine - a whole month spoiling and pampering yourself with the best. You’re thinking luxurious spa days, banging brunches, lavish shopping sprees, booking exotic holidays and quaffing champagne like your life depends on it!!! Hit the pause button for a moment there sweetie!! If you haven’t got the cash to splash, then quite frankly these are pipe dreams sweetie. Realistically you can expect a camping NOT glamping weekend with the girls, raiding your sister’s charity shop pile of clothes and a greasy burger if you’re lucky!!! But a girl can still dream...
Priority needs to be given to long-term saving this month and before you faint in a heap of disbelief - hear us out! We the fashion gods are well aware of your need to spend money on clothes like it’s going out of fashion; HOWEVER, we urge caution and simply want you to change tack; think more ‘quality’ than ‘quantity’. We’re talking about ploughing your money into investment pieces. Those WOW items that simply make you stand out more. The ones that scream ‘I’m fabulous’; and the unique items that will get your friends and family drooling with envy. Now we’re not being totally heartless this month as we do think the odd tipple throughout the month will help with the perseverance needed to achieve ‘said goal’. Good luck sweetie - you’re really gonna need it!
Close partnerships will require a lot of attention and TLC this month, and for this particular month, your partner in crime happens to be VODKA! Now this little tipple can appear to be innocent but believe us when we say it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing so BEWARE!!! It may smell and look clean but it is anything but! In small measures, especially when mixed in cocktails it is positively delightful. It may induce a lovely light buzz and bring on fits of giggles; HOWEVER, when tossed down the hatch neat - well sweetie, you’re just asking for trouble aren’t you?! We’re talking silly drunk, talking garbage but worst of all - and this should come with a Government Health Warning - you start claiming undying love for anyone, or anything come to that!!! AND it’s full of naughty calories, so don’t be a ‘Moscow Mule’ sweetie, treat this partnership right and it will serve you well. We don’t want another Cold War. And if you’ve been reading the news lately, be extra careful - the Russians are a’coming!
Certain services you provide family and friends have been seriously undervalued lately and you are feeling unappreciated. It takes a lot of time and effort on your part to help style these hapless individuals; and you are nothing short of generous with your time and expertise. At times like this, they need to be taught a short, sharp lesson in how not to bite the hand that feeds, so to speak. If they want you to coach them in how to dress appropriately then they need to stop taking you for granted, perhaps throw you the odd compliment now and again, or maybe a thank you would suffice. Or if they are feeling particularly chuffed with your help (and who wouldn’t?), then you would be more than happy to receive chocolates, wine or even gift vouchers to spend at your leisure as a mark of appreciation!
Your multitasking skills will come in handy this month as there will be a lot of demand on your time and organisational skills, being the social butterfly that you are! These situations will call for many different to do lists that will need to be carried out with military precision - failure is not an option! You have a reputation to protect and people will look to you for guidance, support, lots of confidence boosting and a bloody good outfit as well!!! #NoPressure! The key is to not get stressed or bogged down with trivial BS. You are a born leader and social events are your ‘thing’, so sweetie, stock up on pretty notepads and pens, Kalms, and a substantial supply of gin!!! Happy organising…
You have a keen interest in learning about investment. BRAVO darling! it’s about time you looked ahead to your future. Now before you get any silly ideas, lets not run away with ridiculous ideas like messing around on the stock exchange. Play to your strengths. What is it you’re good at and what are you most knowledgeable about? Think for a minute or two….YES that’s it...You’ve got it...FASHION. You know everything there is to know about fashion and it’s such an enjoyable way to invest in your future. Now let us be a little bold in our first suggestion to you. Get yourself to Chanel PRONTO and (bag) yourself a classic flap bag. You simply cannot go wrong sweetie as these little beauties not only look fabulous - they also steadily rise in value; therefore you’ll have financial security in those twilight years.
You have an important event coming up and want to go all out, buying the most fabulous, eye-wateringly expensive outfit you possibly can. You want to stand out and shine, shine, shine, like the star you are! The outfit must be so amazing that it will leave people talking about it for weeks, possibly even months to come! But we fashion gods must caution you! Having an outfit that is so amazing and talked about sweetie means that it cannot be worn for a very, VERY LONG TIME!!! You can’t possibly be seen in the same outfit again so soon and risk such a fashion faux pas darling; so ask yourself this very question. Can you afford such expense for just one outfit that will be banished to Narnia and beyond for a few years?
Everyone has a mentor or someone they look up to and you are no exception. These people we admire can sometimes show us the way forward, how to behave in certain situations, and most importantly, they can influence the way we dress and present ourselves to the world. The way to behave in these situations is to admire from afar and not turn into a psycho stalker to the point you’re the very un-proud owner of a restraining order!!! Admiration is only one small step away from obsession and ne’er the two should meet. So please dear fashionista, take inspiration from the people you look up to and stop obsessing about their every move, every purchase, and what they are doing EVERY second of EVERY day! Perhaps unfollow them on social media until you feel it’s safe, and you’re calm and strong enough to follow them once more.