29. Body Odour

Honk if you ‘ponk’!

Are your pits more pungent than normal?

Do you stink to high heaven?

Is your scent as foul as - or even fouler than - your temper!?

Has the putrid pixie waved their whiffy wand over you, casting a spell - or should that be smell - that’s giving you cause for concern? Are you recoiling as the noxious niff of ‘eau de natural moi’ which is wafting its fetid way towards an unsuspecting public?

Fear not fellow hotties, this is NOT because you’ve suddenly morphed into a smelly git who doesn’t wash or look after yourself. It’s due to hormonal changes during the peri/menopause which affect our natural scent. So this is another bizarre and unexpected change that our evolving bodies go through on this wondrous gift of a journey courtesy of Mother Nature!

This new ‘aromatic aura’ you're smelling is down to our raging hormones being all over the place. Up, down, flying around and unsteadily reducing, all the while we are trying to make sense of what can feel as if an alien body (and mind) has taken up residence! 

Or, in a nutshell - our body’s personal temperature gauge (PTG) is f*cked! It’s playing up and acting like a stereotypical dodgy car salesman telling you “your body is showroom quality and in tip-top condition” when in reality all it’s fit for lately is spares and repairs or the knacker’s yard!!

With our PTG knackered, this causes us to sweat even more, and when you have oestrogen stopping the body from regulating its water levels as well as it should, this results in dehydration. All of which adds up to making our sweat extra concentrated with the potential of us walking around like that cartoon skunk, friggin Pepe Le Pew!

So how can we combat this stink ladies?

Choose your weapons wisely hotties because this is a declaration of war in the fightback against body odour!

• Start with a decent deodorant/antiperspirant. This can be trial and error, but thankfully deodorant isn’t expensive, so it won’t be too costly if you don’t get it right the first time.
• Bathe/shower regularly. You have free rein and have been licensed to spill! Yes spill! Spill and splosh away hotties! You can be as decadent as you want, using this time to relax, indulge and pamper yourself with the most luxurious products known to woman, because darling, you’re absolutely worth it!
• Whilst you’re taking a long and luxurious bath, a cheeky glass of fizz will help tickle your fragrant fancy too. Just make sure you drink plenty of water too, aka the elixir of life -  staying well-hydrated is key to staying healthy, hopefully avoiding any nasty stale, stenchy, stinks.

Who needs a batallion against body odour, when you can call upon this brigade of bonus tips?!

Bonus Number 1

The magazine is launching the EH Emporium soon, where you can shop our magnificently quirky range of scented body and homeware products guaranteed to get rid of undesirable smells. Stay tuned to our social media for the latest updates! 

Bonus Number 2

The menopause drill is a mantra to help keep you in tip top condition whilst navigating this latest ‘interesting’ phase of our lives!

Bonus Number 3

A tantalising playlist to ensnare the senses whilst relaxing in a decadent bath or shaking your deliciously fragrant smelly stuff during an invigorating shower - the choice is yours!

Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles
Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
Red Red Wine - UB40
The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
Heaven Is a Place on Earth - Belinda Carlisle
I Turn To You - Melanie C
Set You Free - N-Trance
Wild World - Maxi Priest
Viva Forever - Spice Girls
Rain - Madonna
Footprints in the Sand - Leona Lewis
Show Me Heaven (Days Of Thunder Soundtrack) - Maria McKee
A Different Beat - Boyzone
(Sittin’ On) The Dock Of The Bay - Otis Redding
Feeling Good - Nina Simone
What A Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

28. Urinary Incontinence

There are so many problematic peri/menopause symptoms that come our way, however, this particular symptom can be a rather embarrassing and messy affair, and believe us when we say that nobody is pi$$ing themselves laughing when it comes to our next symptom - urinary incontinence - even though we actually are pi$$ing ourselves when we laugh!

A hearty chuckle or good old belly laugh can cause anything from a small dribble to an avalanche of pee escaping at the most inopportune moments as our weakened muscles struggle to keep it all in!

Menopause can cause urinary incontinence as a result in a thinning of the lining of the urethra due to reduced oestrogen levels.

But it’s not just laughing that sets us off ladies! Add into the mix sneezing, coughing and or some heavy lifting, and you’ll find life takes on a whole new meaning with you potentially facing precarious situations at any time, any place, anywhere…hand us that Martini - who around here remembers that catchy 80s advert?

Meanwhile, hold your horses for a minute hotties before you reach for the bottle, because cutting back on our alcohol consumption is one of the most helpful bits of advice to alleviate this particular symptom, relieving some of the strain on your bladder, so, if you are having a tipple, just make sure it’s a small one!

Also making it onto the moderation list is caffeine, so ease up fellow hotties on the tea and coffee intake. Switching to decaff tea might help your bladder health. If being drip fed espresso coffee is a coping mechanism to get you through the day, then you’re going to have to rethink such vices and instead opt for a healthier option - green/herbal tea and a thumping good soundtrack (see below) will hopefully take your mind off any caffeine withdrawal symptoms!

Whilst you are grooving to the music you can try to incorporate some pelvic floor strengthening exercises by squeezing and relaxing your pelvic muscles to help with bladder control.

Don’t forget to ease and squeeze to the beat!!! And forgive our very naughty sense of humour with our song choices!

It’s time to retrain that old bladder and to get it working for you, not against you.

As with anything to do with our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any medications or other treatments that may help with such symptoms.

And last but by no means least - don’t forget the menopause drill to keep you in top tip top condition whilst navigating this literal, and metaphorical, shower!

Laughter is the best medicine, even though in this case it can be a bit of a trip/slip hazard! So just take the pi$$ out of yourself and shout KNICKERS to the menopause at the top of your voice - even if it does come with a steady side trickle of pee!

Rivers of Babylon - Boney M
Walk Like an Egyptian - The Bangles
Islands In The Stream - Comic Relief
Oops!...I Did It Again - Britney Spears
I’m So Excited - The Pointer Sisters
Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life - Monty Python
Purple Rain - Prince
Waterfalls - TLC
Ooh Aah (Just A Little Bit) - Gina G
Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake
The Fear - Lily Allen
The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
The Flood - Take That
Rain - Madonna
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel

27. Poor Sleep

When Forrest Gump claimed, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get”, he could have been describing menopause because as we all know ladies, menopause and its barmy symptoms is a complete conundrum - totally befuddling and one hell of a shit show as you try and navigate your journey into the unknown. You could even say it’s batshit crazy!

One size most definitely doesn’t fit all and everybody's journey is completely different. Your symptoms and experiences may be totally different to other women going through ‘the change’ which can be confusing, worrying, leaving you feeling all alone, but do not fear hotties as there is now so much information at your fingertips and help is on hand to help you navigate your way through this difficult time…so strap in ladies and deploy that sense of humour needed in order to learn about and get to grips with another menopause symptom - poor sleep.

We all need a good night’s sleep and it can be really frustrating when we find it difficult to produce those zzzz’s and to keep them going for the entire night. A massive 61% of women report troubles with insomnia during peri/menopause. This has a huge knock-on effect impacting daily life and exacerbating our anxiety.

Aching bodies, hot flushes - especially night sweats and mood changes - depression, in particular, are all prime suspects that contribute to poor sleep, so managing these issues will be key to helping manage sleep symptoms as well.

So how do we enter slumberland for an all inclusive stay?

• Avoid heavy meals before bed - maybe spicy vindaloos aren't the best of supper treats?!
• Minimize exposure to light before bed - give the all-night disco rave a miss!
• Avoid napping after 3 pm - or run the risk of joining the night owls.
• Don't exercise before bed - well maybe a little gentle sexercise to help you relax…
• Create a relaxing bedtime ritual - and if sexercise isn’t your thing, try some calming music (we’ve thoughtfully provided a soothing playlist below), a relaxing bath or maybe a massage - but be warned though, that could lead to some sexercise!
• Keep electronics out of the bedroom - that means putting down your bloody phone or iPad hotties and turning off that telly!
• There are many over-the-counter remedies and or even prescription medicines to help with sleep disturbances, but it is vital to seek advice from your GP or pharmacist. Because medications are only short-term remedies and not cures, it is essential you see a health professional before taking any medications. 

And don’t forget the menopause drill:

P.S. There’s a reason Sleeping Beauty always looked so damn good and that’s because she slept a lot. It’s not bloody rocket science fellow hotties and it’s not called beauty sleep for fun either!

Believe it or not, beauty sleep is an actual ‘thing’ - we kid you not! It refers to how our skin and body begin to heal themselves from the day. When those tired heads hit the pillow and we enter the land of nod, our body enters recovery mode and produces growth hormones, which create new cells that help heal our skin from any damage done during the day.

Now you may be asking yourself if that were true why do I still wake up looking like a hot mess? Unfortunately ladies, beauty sleep is not a miracle cure and sometimes the only thing that will genuinely help you look more presentable in the morning is a hairbrush and makeup bag! Always keeping it real ladies - ALWAYS keeping it real!

Slumber Songs:

All of Me - John Legend
All Out of Love - Air Supply
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me - George Michael & Elton John
Don’t Give Up - Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush
Eternal Flame - The Bangles
Everytime - Britney Spears
Flying Without Wings - Westlife
Gave It All Away - Boyzone
Give Me Back My Heart - Dollar
Holding On For You - Liberty X
I’m Not In Love - 10cc
If You’re Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield
Now We Are Free - Lisa Gerrard
Perfect Moment - Martine McCutcheon
The Power of Love - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Say Something - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

26. Brittle Nails

Why would the menopause give me brittle nails?

That’s a bloody good question, however, from experience, we know that the peri/menopause journey is not a straightforward one, and a lot of what we experience is completely bat$hit crazy.

This may be a tad more unusual than other menopause symptoms but a right royal pain in the arse, especially if you are used to having and love manicured/painted nails. And who doesn’t love a bit of sparkle and glitter at the end of their fingertips to add some sparkle to the grind of the daily routine?!

For this we don’t need Miss Marple on the case as we already know the answer…

Yep. The usual suspects…HORMONES!  Please step under the microscope for closer inspection.

Changes in our ever-fluctuating hormone levels, especially that little devil oestrogen, are to thank for this cacophony of our crumbling claws.

Oestrogen is a hormone that contributes to regulating the water levels in our bodies. As we progress through the menopausal journey our levels of oestrogen decline, which affects our fluid balance. A lack of water in our bodies causes dehydration, resulting in our nails becoming brittle, chipping, flaking and/or splitting.

What can us ladies do to keep our talons in tip-top condition?

• Wear rubber gloves if hands are going to be submerged in water for any length of time, such as washing dishes or cars etc. And if you’re feeling a tad under the weather we suggest adopting clever (sneaky) tactics such as deploying the ‘menopause card’ to get out of doing the dishes chores by pointing out that you don’t have gloves. Tho this could go one of two ways, so don’t be surprised if this cunning plan crashes and burns when your nearest and dearest can’t be bothered to help, or dash out to buy you some Marigolds… .  So either you suck it up and do them yourself, or throw the mother of all bitch fits so that help magically appears before all hell is let loose! Nobody wants the hormonal peri/menopausal woman going off on one!
• Keep nails well moisturised - there are many great products out there. Or you could use some simple almond oil to keep them satisfied. A top tip is to do this at bedtime and pop on a pair of gloves - cotton not rubber! 
• Alternatively, keep nails short, which makes them less prone to breakage when bumped or getting snagged and caught on clothing.
• Use nail polish or treat yourself to a manicure. These will add a protective layer to nails and may help prevent breaking or chipping. Just be mindful that some products contain chemicals which may hinder rather than help, so do your research. Many polishes combine nail strengtheners to do the heavy lifting, so that you don’t have to.  

Knowledge is power, so help yourself by making good lifestyle choices.

You need to create a good balance of work, rest and play so here we go hotties.

As always ladies - you know the drill… Eat, sleep, rage/rave, repeat… Nooooo, not that drill ~ this one!

Last but by no means least - learn to relax and chill by taking time out to look after yourself. Have a leisurely relaxing soak in a warm bath, smooth and soothe yourself with moisturising lotions and potions, and decorate those nails so they sparkle and shine. Don’t forget to add in some music therapy to get those fingers and toes tapping.

Nobody needs to put the ‘manic’ into manicure, well not unless it’s something by the Manic Street Preachers…

A Design For Life - Manic Street Preachers
Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
Wild World - Maxi Priest
Daydream Believer - The Monkees
Feeling Good - Nina Simone
A Different Beat - Boyzone
Any Dream Will Do - Jason Donovan
Alive And Kicking - Simple Minds
Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - Backstreet Boys
Happy Ending - Mika