33. Panic Attacks

PANIC STATION!!!!!

You’re about to start the peri/menopause journey where the body you (thought you) once knew physically changes before your very eyes, performing the most bizarre tricks, whilst inducing a whole new host of symptoms, including alarming batshit crazy antics, known to wo(man)... whilst conducting Jedi mind tricks!

Could this little box of delights possibly bring on panic attacks? 

Well duh!

No shit Sherlock?!

Even if you are made of the super strong stuff, we’d bet your ass that somewhere along the line, you may experience one or more of the following:

• Your breathing has f*cked off on a rollercoaster ride
• You’re sweating more than a snowman in July…
• You feel more jittery than a caffeine junkie having withdrawal symptoms
• You’re more hyped and fidgety than a toddler in the midst of an epic sugar rush
• Your tummy feels like a washing machine lurching from one spin cycle to another, on a continuous loop

As if we women don’t have enough stress in life, Mother Nature then ever so kindly bestows the great gift of menopause upon us, and that fellow hotties, is the ultimate icing on the cake.

We’ve already endured a difficult period in our adult lives, panicking once a month, every month. And you know exactly what we’re talking about, don’t you ladies? The anticipation and abject terror of waiting for the highly emotional and stressful appearance…of our credit card statements arriving!!!

Let’s put that distressing memory aside, bank it for future reference, and address this month’s symptom: stand up and take a bow - No. 33 ~ Panic Attacks.

Many women report increased incidences of panic disorder/attacks as they start their menopause journey and although the cause of a panic episode can vary as wildly as our mood swings, women at menopausal age are more susceptible to anxiety, which can lead to an attack.

In the words of that great Welsh sage himself - Sir Tom Jones - “It’s not unusual”, if we start to panic about panicking, thus creating a vicious cycle!

Menopause can be an embarrassing subject at the best of times, complete with a myriad of annoying and debilitating symptoms that can and will strike any time, any place, anywhere. It’s no wonder it exacerbates our stress and anxiety causing panic attacks. 

It’s a f*cking minefield!

If you’re worried about panic attacks during the menopause - as with anything related to our bodies and our health - if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any underlying causes, medications or other treatments that may explain the reason for or help your symptoms.

Meanwhile, watch your intake of stimulants like caffeine, alcohol and nicotine. 

Breathing exercises can also help us calm down and remember to try gentler activities like yoga, meditation, a walk outdoors, or massage and holistic treatments.

Create your own personal chill-out zone with a luxurious bubble bath, candles and a calming playlist of songs. There’ll be no panic at the disco on our watch!

My Mind & Me - Selena Gomez
I Don’t Care - Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber
Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran
Under Pressure - Queen
Say You Won’t Let Go - James Arthur
Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles
Sign Of The Times - Harry Styles
I’m Like A Bird - Nelly Furtado
Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys
Fix You - Coldplay
Yellow - Coldplay
All Of Me - John Legend
Put Your Records On - Corrine Bailey Ray
Weightless - Marconi Union

32. Irritability

When your nearest and dearest accuse you of spending far too much time in the company of the following people:

• Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street)
• Dr Gregory House (House) 
• Statler & Waldorf (The Muppets)
• Al Bundy (Married With Children)
• Ben Harper (My Family)
• Victor Meldrew (One Foot in the Grave)

 …is it time to admit that you have turned into a right irritable f*cker?!

Or are you just suffering from yet another precious gift bestowed upon you by Mother Nature, as you navigate that exhausting, mind-boggling journey called the peri/menopause?

Right then ladies…please be upstanding for symptom number 32: Irritability.

Now we all feel a bit antsy or fretful from time to time, however, if you're experiencing these feelings a bit more frequently than usual, so much so that family, friends and colleagues feel the need to point it out to you with the snide, sarcastic comments, then fellow Hotties, you are well within your rights to inform them to back the f*ck off, mind their own business and keep their unhelpful and unwanted opinions to themselves. 

You are a woman, quite literally on the edge and close to the tipping point! So if they want to see the monster reveal itself, then leave them to crack on and deal with its all-consuming wrath. They will learn the hard way that they do not antagonise the monster or unleash the beast.

As with all of the other psychological and emotional changes, this is down to imbalances of those good ol’ trouble-making hormones, oestrogen and progesterone, wreaking havoc on us.

It might also be a result of being hangry. When our blood sugar levels drop too low, our bodies raise them back up by releasing cortisol, which in turn, makes us feel irritable.

Ways to tackle and manage this, without resorting to violence and maiming your nearest and dearest who dare to judge are:

However, as with anything related to our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any underlying causes, medications or other treatments that may explain or help your symptoms.

And as always we love a little jiggle and giggle to a thumping good playlist, which helps to stop us getting so bloody damn irritated!!!

Here’s one we prepared earlier:

Three Little Birds - Bob Marley and the Wailers
Lose Yourself - Eminem
Happy - Pharrell Williams
MMMbop - Hanson
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go - Wham
Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & the Waves
Xanadu - Olivia Newton-John
Beautiful Day - U2
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
Dancing Queen - ABBA
Reach - S Club 7
I’m In The Mood For Dancing - The Nolans
Spice Up Your Life - Spice Girls
What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

31. Heart palpitations

For some of us hotties, during the peri/menopause our hearts can beat a little faster than usual! 

Now one would hope that this was due to our hearts being all of a flutter, intoxicated by the heady feeling of being head over heels in love, alas, whilst that may be the case for the fortunate few, for your average hottie, this is mainly down to that pesky, not so little hormone oestrogen kicking off all sorts of nonsense as its levels start to drop, causing overstimulation of the nervous system.

It’s not so much an adrenaline rush of intense excitement, but more a case of f*ck - what’s happening to my body now?! The cause is no longer seeing the object of your desires - aka your other - half naked and frisky, oh no siree; the reason your heart is being whipped up into a frenzy is down to your HBB - hormones behaving badly - going AWOL and out of control. 

You wouldn’t mind so much if they were racing due to the thought of some down ‘n’ dirty, sexy time with your other half! Instead, they’re being driven by Mother Nature's ‘special’ gift to us women, the gift that keeps on giving: the menopause in all her glory, causing mischief and mayhem, and igniting the madness within!

So why do we keep falling out with these f*cking hormones and why does the lowering of our oestrogen levels cause palpitations? Let’s thump it out together…

• Heart palpitations are also called irregular heartbeats or arrhythmias - these are heartbeats that are suddenly more noticeable than regular heartbeats.
• Menopause heart palpitations can increase the heart rate by 8-16 beats per minute., although some women have reported much bigger increases with their heart rate reaching up to 200 beats per minute.
• During a palpitation you may experience the heart pounding, fluttering, racing or beating irregularly. Palpitations are often short-lived, lasting just a few seconds, or at worse, a few minutes. 

They may seem alarming and can sometimes scare the crap out of you, but they are often harmless and do not necessarily signal a health problem.

However, as with anything related to our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any medications or other treatments that may help your symptoms.

A few lifestyle changes may also alleviate symptoms possibly caused by decreasing oestrogen levels and help cut down the occurrence of menopausal palpitations.

You already know the drill - you can follow it below and then try our heart-calming music playlist with some added relaxation techniques, such as yoga, mindfulness and breathing exercises to help steady that racing heart.

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
Give Me Back My Heart - Dollar
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
Open Your Heart - Madonna
Two Hearts - Phil Collins
Raining In My Heart - Buddy Holly
Heart and Soul - T’Pau
Listen To Your Heart - Roxette
Un-Break My Heart - Toni Braxton
Heart Of Glass - Blondie
Don’t Go Breaking My Heart - Elton John & Kiki Dee
Shape Of My Heart - Backstreet Boys

30. Hayfever & Allergies

“I’ll be back” - those famous immortal words uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator films could have been specifically (m)uttered about the peri/menopause!

Why/how you may ask…?

Well, just when you thought you were about to make it through to the other side, to escape the onslaught of symptoms thrown at you daily, then lo and behold, they come back at you, sometimes stronger than before, sometimes loaded with a new arsenal of weapons, ready to attack again; and - like Arnie - these symptoms are bloody relentless! Those pesky menopause symptoms need to be terminated once and for all.

Unfortunately for us hotties, we have to patiently wait out our ‘dark fate’ and soldier on as best as we can, waiting for ‘salvation’, when lo and behold, (yet) ANOTHER symptom rears its ugly head.

It’s ‘judgment day’ for hayfever & allergies.

When our immune system comes under stress, it releases histamines, which cause allergic reactions. Due to the intimate connection between our hormones and our immune system, it is not unusual to notice some changes to our allergy profile during the peri/menopause.

The hormonal changes of peri/menopause affect the nervous system, digestion and sleep thus causing significant fatigue, all of which leads to a weakened immune system, which can make us hotties prone to hayfever and allergies, even if we have not been previously affected by them.

The most common symptoms of histamine in peri/menopause are rashes, itching, flushing, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), indigestion, breathlessness, palpitations, migraine, dizziness, anxiety/panic, joint aches and nasal congestion.

So, how do we go about terminating this (not so) little list of goodies?

• Keep an eye out for what’s triggering your allergies. Forewarned is forearmed
• Staying well-hydrated will help by reducing the concentration of histamines in your system
• Plenty of sleep will help take the stress off your immune system

Most importantly, don’t forget the peri/menopause drill and our helpful playlist of kick-ass tunes to terminate those menopause blues and stick two fingers up to whatever symptoms you are currently experiencing.

As with anything related to our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any medications or other treatments that may help your symptoms.

So listen up hotties - this famous quote from Terminator is bang on the money and we should take inspiration from it:

"The future has not been written.
There's no fate but what we make for ourselves"

The menopause is going to take its course in some form or another whether we like it or not; but how we deal with it is entirely up to us. We can either sit there, let it take over and wreck our lives, or we can rise up, stare it in the face, look it in the eye, and tell it to back the f*ck off!

It will not defeat us - because what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.

A sense of humour is vital for dealing with this erratic and occasionally overwhelming period of our lives and armed with important information, knowledge, understanding and support, then we can kick this Terminator's arse and cheekily bid it adios -  hasta la vista, baby!

Uprising - Muse
Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia
Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
Survivor - Destiny’s Child
Fuck You - Lily Allen
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
I’m Still Standing - Elton John
Set You Free - N-Trance
Rise - Katy Perry
Roar - Katy Perry
Take On Me - A-Ha
Things Can Only Get Better - D’Ream
The Only Way Is Up - Yazz and the Plastic Population
Let’s Go - Calvin Harris feat. Ne-Yo
Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - Backstreet Boys