Fellow hotties…
This issue is all about greed, so what is it we menopausal greedy old gits want?
Greed is all about wanting more money, possessions, power and, let’s not forget, food!
So let’s break it down…
Money:
It doesn’t buy you health and it certainly doesn’t buy you happiness, however, it does help fund the finer things in life like wine and chocolate, yoga and meditation classes, and instead of a fan to keep you cool, you could finally splurge on air con. These are just a few suggestions however, the list is friggin endless!
Now let’s take it up a notch and think about being a right greedy barstud for a brief moment, as we daydream about buying our own private island and plane so we can f*ck off anytime we want, well away from the tw@spangles who have no friggin clue what we’re going through and nor do the ignorant feckers really care either! Can you just imagine the peace and quiet?! Sanctuary!
Possessions:
What possessions do we hotties require? The obvious things mentioned above such as alcohol, treats, fans, comfy clothes with breathable material, and AirPods to drown out all the nagging feckers around you! Now let’s turn into greedy f*ckers and start imagining all kinds of crap we’d love, for example…Dyson’s new cleaning robot to do all the housework, a state-of-the-art massage chair, the Ninja coffee centre and their slushie machine, and you may as well throw in their ice cream machine while you’re at it! And a giant comfy chair to watch all our favourite shows on a humongous screen and, yet again the list could go on and on and on. Feel free to add your own suggestions!
Power:
This one really requires some serious thought. Just imagine if you had unlimited power – what would you do? Would you want real power in terms of becoming a real-life dictator, asserting your authority by bossing people around, making new laws, making decisions about whatever the hell you want and, when you demand something, everyone just does whatever you want, when you want, no questions asked?!
Or would you want magic power, with the ability to do the most incredible $hit, like restoring those droopy boobs to their former glory, impressively defying gravity so even when that goddamn awful restrictive over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder is removed, instead of them hitting your knees with a pitiful slap, they magically stay where they are, looking perfectly pert and perky?!
And what about melting away those saggy saddlebags so you can finally parade around in revealing, sexy lingerie instead of squeezing your lardy arse into several layers of industrial Spanx which restrict movement and blood flow to the point where standing is the only option should you actually need to breathe?!
And the pièce de résistance…NEVER putting on weight EVER AGAIN, no matter how much you eat or how naughty and calorific the treat?!
Power mad or power crazy?
Remember, Hotties, that with such great power comes great responsibility!
And finally…
Food:
A hottie’s Achilles heel. With our hormones all over the friggin place, eating and drinking becomes a nightmare because sometimes what we want can actually exacerbate our symptoms from upsetting our tummies and causing excruciating wind, to making us feel nauseous or giving us a banging headache, not to mention making us lethargic or a hot, sticky mess. Again this list could become endless!
We are well aware that we need to eat healthy foods to optimise how we feel, but sometimes it’s nice to say f*ck it and have that big juicy fat burger, with fries on the side, washed down with a chocolate thick shake! That’s before we home in on the crisps, chocolate and wine!
The ultimate dilemma, fellow hotties, is do we want to be a caffeine-fuelled, flatulent, fat f*cker OR do we want to be the healthiest, best version of ourselves that we can possibly be?!
Greed is one of the seven deadly sins for good reason, ladies, so be sure to keep your greed in check!
