Greetings and salutations my ravishing readers!

I am honoured and thrilled to be the travel correspondent for the global phenomenon that is emmaheaven.com. My name is Lady Perdita Fitzwilliam Tudor-Croft, Perdy to friends, Ditsy D to family and Dirty Dita to my unsavoury exes, but you can all call me Lady P.

When life gives you lemons, why not stick a pot of lacklustre, overpriced jam amongst them and send them out to 50 of your so-called ‘friends’, i.e. those that are currently ‘in vogue’, the sycophants, the hangers on, or they merely share the same PR agency, so they can unashamedly flaunt on Instagram to the slebs and plebs! Although there are a fair few one would imagine who are thoroughly ashamed to be that acquaintance, choosing to keep their socials free of such substandard fare…

Now as some of my wonderful loyal readers will know, in the past, one has chosen one’s words wisely when it comes to she who must not be named, stopping short of complete character assassination, however, that ship has sailed and this Lady is no longer heartbroken nor intimidated by a certain ginger whinger: “My name is Dita and I am a reformed ginger-a-holic”, so one can say with conviction that he and his other half have unleashed a smorgasbord of embarrassment and disbelief that is whiffily wafting its way from Montecito, all around the world.

Anyway, I digress…

Back to the ‘jam matter’, and do please bear with me here my darling readers as one partakes in one final (tho never say never) teeny, tiny, tirade. IF you are going to shamelessly use your status and royal connections to launch a product range then at least make sure it’s a product that has everything going for it. Confidence and stupidity are a very dangerous combination, alas they so often go together!

Desirability is key my darlings as it not only needs to look divine but smell divine and, if it’s going in your mouth, then it also needs to taste divine!

People need to see the product and actually want what you’re offering, and one can say with complete confidence that you’ll be hard pressed to get people to stump up a ridiculous amount of money for a poxy little pot of jam, drained of any imagination whatsoever, delivered by a pretentiously-named brand, decorated with the most boring label to boot. Mediocrity doesn’t just happen, it’s chosen over time through small choices day by day - so if the shoe fits M?!

With that tirade over, it’s onwards and upwards we go, so with that in mind, one would like to draw your attention to a not-so-little announcement.

This - in my not so humble opinion - is THE product launch to end all product launches, although one might just be a tad biased...

I, Lady P, am beyond thrilled and honoured to be exclusively sharing this exciting development with you my darling readers.

In a world exclusive, I am launching my very own product range in conjunction with this fabulous magazine.

The Lady P range consists of perfumed body and home fragrance products. No longer will you have to imagine the scent of this woman…

And the name of this classy fragrant collection?

The rather aptly named - Bombshell.

Why Bombshell you might ask? Well, the definition of the word is a person who is the cause (and effect) and object of sensational, widespread attention, excitement or attraction, and THAT my darling readers, is little ol’ moi perfectly summed up in a nutshell!

Obviously my darling readers, you are the first to witness one’s new Bombshell range by having a sneaky peak at the label which has been professionally photographed and designed by the creative, imaginative and talented Team Heaven, all of which has been done in the best possible taste with not a single lemon nor royal crest shamelessly exploited during the entire process.

Now unfortunately one cannot divulge any more titbits with you until the official launch, however, I can say that the whole process from concept to creation has been both enlightening and enthralling, with one meeting a myriad of the most amazingly clever people, all bringing their expertise to the table to ensure the best possible formulations and packaging are at one’s disposal. Literally and metaphorically, it has been intoxicating with a heady combination of excitement and power.

When great minds collide, there are fireworks, and between us all, I think we have created a range of products to be ever so terribly proud of.

One feels a huge sense of accomplishment that’s not been felt since one trekked to base camp on Mount Everest; in my not so humble opinion, it’s my finest achievement so far and also Daddy’s proudest moment - he still brags about this at every given opportunity.

Well my darling Daddy dearest, just wait until you see what Dita does next. DON’T hold your nose; but please DO hold the front page!

Before I sign off, one would like to say a huge thank you to everyone at the magazine for this incredible opportunity and for helping me realise another dream. I guess (realistic) dreams really do come true, so without further ado, I hereby give you Lady P’s Bombshell label in all its glory….drumroll please……… mwahh! 

 

***Note to Team Heaven***

Oh dear oh dear. Just when you think a certain ginger one can’t scrape any more barrels, one notes he is on a (self) promotional tour in West Africa.

One would think that that part of the world already has more than enough cash-strapped, asset-rich princes of its own, if one’s spam folder is anything to go by…

Perhaps that’s why the other half is tagging along, in the hope that they might find the real, fully-loaded deal, but without having to divulge their bank details or the name of their first pet…

Good luck to them, say I. And by ‘them’, I mean the poor people hosting this tour.

Toodles dahhhlings xx