Greetings and salutations my ravishing readers!
I am honoured and thrilled to be the travel correspondent for the global phenomenon that is emmaheaven.com. My name is Lady Perdita Fitzwilliam Tudor-Croft, Perdy to friends, Ditsy D to family and Dirty Dita to my unsavoury exes, but you can all call me Lady P.
Seasons greetings my wonderful readers.
One is feeling rather excited as the festivities are about to begin. So many soirees to attend yet so little time to prepare; thank heavens that one is a professional party attendee and hostess with the mostest, so one’s ability to to pull out the perfect outfit at a moment’s notice is legendary!
However, even with all that in mind, when one received a synopsis of this month’s theme ‘Squdgy Bear’, I’m afraid to say that I misread the title and it caused the most horrendous flashbacks to boarding school when I was rather cruelly nicknamed ‘Squidgy’ during what Mummy refers to as my ‘well upholstered phase’!
What followed was a year of being the butt of many a fat-shaming jibe which one did try to lock away in a box and forget; however, whilst at an old school reunion in the company of that nasty, baying mob in the midst of yet another one of their bitchfests, one is sad to say that they did try taunting me again with cruel putdowns when we took a trip down memory lane. Alas, there was no fond reminiscing – only the dredging up of painful and humiliating memories from the box they’d crowbarred open in an attempt to shame and belittle ol’ moi…
What they didn’t bank on however, was the new and improved Dita who doesn’t give a flying damn about what they think; thankfully, with age comes wisdom, and revenge is a dish best served cold yada, yada, yada… because what they hate the most is the fact that I am successful and have a wonderful life, with proper friends, aka my glossy posse, a loving family, and a job I absolutely adore, which has seen me travel the globe, win awards, climb a famous mountain AND pull off one’s greatest achievements to date: conquering one’s shopping addiction and becoming financially independent – all of which Daddy is immensely and immeasurably proud!
Anyway, I have more than digressed…
Enough of the nasty bullies and back to the topic at hand: Squdgy Bear. Cute name and an even cuter concept – tho in case you missed the memo from Heaven HQ about the definition of a ‘squdge’, all you need to know is that it’s a cuddly combination of a squeeze and a hug (and one of Emma’s favourite words after watching the Peter Pan film Hook). And for those who read our recent ‘all things Welsh’ edition, I guess you could say it’s Peter Pan’s equivalent of a ‘cwtch’!! So who wouldn’t love a good ol’ squdge?!
All of this has led me to mull over the best squdges one has received over the years, and boy – or should that be ‘man alive’?! – there have been quite a few!
Let’s analyze a good squdge together shall we?
Do we prefer them to be hard and firm like being squeezed in a vice?
Or soft and cuddly like being wrapped in a big fluffy snuggly blanket?
I must admit, I’m a little conflicted as I do like them hard and soft. Just like my men! Hard body, with a soft side, compassionate and full of passion, with big strong arms and legs to wrap around me! Ooh la la, I think I’ve just thought of THE perfect gift that I’d like Santa to bring me, all wrapped up in….oh do behave yourself Dita!!!
I digress. AGAIN…
A good squdge when properly administered can convey a whole gamut of emotions, including love, affection, familiarity, friendship, sympathy, flirting and safety. It can also be a way to show support, comfort, consolation or desire, especially when words alone are simply not enough or available!
It can make you feel safe and, apparently, a damn fine squdge can reduce stress, fear and pain too, so they’re an added bonus.
So all in all my darling readers a squdge is a wonderful thing that we should all partake in as often as possible, to show our loved ones how much we care; when our nearest and dearest need support, and probably moreso when one is in the company of a dashing gent who piques one’s interest in more ways than one!
A strategically-deployed squdge should get the party well and truly started, but remember to use with utmost discretion and squdge responsibly, preferably not whilst under the influence of alcohol! If in doubt, don’t squdge, and save your squdges for where you know they’ll be welcomed!
You don’t want to spend Christmas in the Hall of Shame, fighting off email complaints from HR for overstepping the mark, or rebutting a cease and desist from the lawyers!!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year my darlings, see you on the other side!
Toodle pip.
***Team Heaven gals***
One’s internet has gone down, so one is unable to stream that show a certain ginger is currently ‘starring’ in. Am I missing anything? The damning reviews by my glossy posse suggests that I’m not. And the mainstream press don’t seem to be any more flattering either, about the dastardly duo. I guess one has dodged a bullet by no longer carrying a torch for him, and one’s sanity is preserved by watching the Monte$hitshow from the sidelines…
In other news, one has been reading Mark Twain’s tale of the Prince and the Pauper. Quite a salutary tale… tho if the rumours about a certain ‘grand dame’ are to be believed about the rate she burns thru money on futile vanity projects, and getting themselves into a bit of a jam, well… …
Its modern day version or sequel could be titled ‘The Prince Who Turned Into A Pauper’. Now that is a show I would tune in to. It has bestseller written all over it! Or am I being a tad biased and unfair?! Only time will tell…
On that note, I guess we can kiss goodbye to any mention in the New Year’s Honours List, again!! Tho what do I care? I’m already a Lady!