Lady P - December 2023
Greetings and salutations my ravishing readers!
I am honoured and thrilled to be the travel correspondent for the global phenomenon that is emmaheaven.com. My name is Lady Perdita Fitzwilliam Tudor-Croft, Perdy to friends, Ditsy D to family and Dirty Dita to my unsavoury exes, but you can all call me Lady P.
“I want to be alone”...
That iconic line was uttered by the fabulously enigmatic, Swedish actress, Greta Garbo, in the 1932 film Grand Hotel.
But do we want to be alone my darling readers? And is being alone really such a bad thing (as certain elements of society would have you believe)!?
Being alone can sometimes be difficult, however, one has learned that being alone does not necessarily mean feeling lonely…many a time I have been at a well-attended social event, enduring the tedium of banal chat, and one has looked around at a sea of faces, only to feel overwhelmingly lonely in a crowded room…
From experience, being alone is not a terrible thing; and if we are truly honest with ourselves there are worse things in life such as ending up being stuck with people who make you feel dreadfully alone and lonely! Now as you will be well aware, one has had quite a few love interests and more than her fair share of suitors over the years, who would very much qualify for that category. However, as one is a Lady - and a reformed one at that - any uncharitable thoughts towards those former lovers need to be firmly parked for now. But rest assured, should these thoughts need to be reactivated and deployed at any time - they WILL be. Hell hath no fury like a Lady scorned and all that!
Anyway, I digress…
Back to being alone and you’re probably wondering what this fabulous gal gets up to when she’s all alone at home, behind closed doors to make sure she doesn’t feel too lonely or unloved...
Before I begin to divulge any of my innermost secrets, let me just state for the record that there are many things one can do alone, especially given how fabulously convenient modern technology has become… Combine that with the breathtaking beauty of Mother Nature’s ahem, ‘agricultural creations’ and voila! One has endless, biodegradable, environmentally-friendly resources at one’s disposal that will give many, many hours of pleasure…
One can only wonder if it was this type of situation that she had in mind and which lead the great late writer and satirist, Dorothy Parker to exclaim:
“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think…”
And whilst we’re talking about environmentally-friendly pleasure for this ‘fun with one’ private time, not only can you dispense with those nasty batteries, but you can also say farewell to the rechargeable ones too, because - wait for it - there are now solar powered and other ‘eco-friendly toys’ out there. So if you get off on saving the planet etc, now you can quite literally get off whilst saving the environment, if that’s your thing…Sheesh, my algorithms are going to go (even more) haywire after that little bit of research and insight!
Anyway, back to the matter in hand, so to speak…
Step this way for Lady P’s top activities to overcome any feelings of loneliness:
- Reading: One does so enjoy a good novel - or to be more precise - a Jackie Collins style bonkbuster. Throw in a glass or two of one’s favourite tipple, with a generous endowment of luxury truffles and one has truly discovered nirvana!
- Music: Now music my fabulous readers, is a great therapeutic tool. The right playlist can calm you down, drag you out of a bad mood, make you sing and dance like an excited teenager. Tho I’ll leave the rocking out to Alone and All By Myself, to Bridget Jones! My music of choice can set quite the scene and really gets one in the mood for absolutely anything.
Music can be quite the powerful aphrodisiac, especially when you hear the throaty growl of a certain Mr Jones, sorry, I mean Sir Tom; or Mr White i.e. Barry, and his dulcet love walrus tones; or Mr Presley, who puts the Elvis into pelvis, which leaves this gal pretty shook up…oh my, that’s enough name-dropping for now, as one has come over all flustered and in need of a little time out! Never mind toe-tapping tunes, those musical male maestros have got some other body parts of mine all of a’quiver…
- Netflix & Chill: Herewith Lady P’s definition: a damn good box set followed by some ‘me time’: One is going to let you in on a little secret. Flying solo can be both pleasurable and educational my darlings. How on earth can you let others know how to push your buttons if you don’t already know which buttons you like to be pressed non?! I’ll just leave that one with you. And if the commitment of a box set is all a bit too much, with movies being more of your thing, a gal (or guy) can’t go far wrong with a viewing (or several) of Nine And A Half Weeks, or Secretary…Don’t all rush…
- Gardening: One does love to tend one’s herbaceous borders and prune one’s bush. It’s most satisfying after many years of TLC, patiently watching it grow and then taking that unkempt bush by shaping it into a visual display of beauty…so satisfying as you accomplish something spectacular. It’s always a proud moment when one grants someone a private viewing to see one’s bush - I have to confess that I always get rave reviews on WhipAdvisor!
- Walking: This can be a fun activity, especially when one has a furry friend in tow. Walking your pooch along the seafront or through the leafy glades and forest can be the most relaxing and rewarding time. Being amongst nature, titivating your senses, not to mention the health benefits and all the while, keeping you fit and toning that booty. Yet best of all is the complete undying love and thanks from your faithful furry friend - pure love, doggy-style, and who doesn’t love a bit of doggy-style?!
And on that pawsome note my darling readers is where I shall stop before one divulges far more than one intended and Daddy has to speed dial the lawyers. Again….
I shall leave you with this little pearl of Lady P wisdom…
If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without feeling lonely ~ being
alone does not mean being unhappy
Mwah my darlings and have yourselves some fabulously frolicking good festivities!
*Note to Team Heaven*
Blimey, have you guys and gals seen all those supposed ‘revelations’ and nonsense coming from the West Coast, courtesy of a certain whinging pair’s ‘puppet’?!
The way that lot are carrying on, they won’t just be alone AND lonely, but they will be social outcasts that no self-respecting person would want to be acquainted with, EVER again! Each and every one of them could start an argument in an empty room whilst in solitary confinement. Social Siberia can’t come for them soon enough dahhhlings!!
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