Menopausal Hotties
The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..
Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?
Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.
Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.
Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.
We continue with…
5. Water & gas bloating
Exploring the menopause’s many (or should that be meno?!) symptoms, one at a time!
As we whoosh on through our hotties’ list of menopausal symptoms it’s time to brace yourself as we explore ‘water and gas bloating’. Oh yes hotties, we ARE soooo going to go there.
Well you could have blown me down with a feather when entering peri menopause. What the actual heck? My abdomen started blowing up and down as if there was an alien inside mimicking a bicycle pump. My stomach would literally grow before my very eyes. One minute my jeans were fitting, the next I was bursting through and spilling out over the top.
My tummy stretched so much that it was now *that* time - oh yes, the time had come to purchase some Bridget Jones BIG pants. Oh the joy of it, a pair of pants which could cope with my ever-expanding abdomen without the urge to roll down and me constantly yanking them back up. My poor lacy undies soon became demoted from prime drawer space to a more sparse, ‘occasion-wear’ drawer. Sob!
Everything I ate seemed to create a whirlpool of wind that would whip up from out of nowhere, and sneak out without any warning and when I least expected it. Of course it goes without saying that it was hardly ever discreet either, not embarrassing at all right hotties?
And talk about being a passion killer! I’ve never had to flush the toilet so often in a pitiful attempt to disguise the noisy wind machine I was turning into.
The same could be said with water. Although we need to stay hydrated, as a hottie our tummies seem to hold onto it - I call it my camel tummy… except I’m not planning on trekking through the desert. Boy oh boy, who knew that gas and water bloating was an actual thing, and one of the documented symptoms of this menopausal journey.
So why do we start to bloat?
Bloating is one of the most common symptoms of menopause and perimenopause.
It’s thought that the drop in oestrogen (female hormone), which helps maintain the correct amount of water and bile in the body, is responsible. As its levels begin to decrease, we can store more water, which makes us feel bloated. And if that’s not enough, the amount of bile we produce can alter, which in turn affects how we digest fat, leading to more wind. Yep - so double the trouble!
***N.B. ALWAYS be aware that there can be other causes for bloating, so please, please, please always check with a medical professional to eliminate any other serious underlying health concerns or issues***
So what can we do?
Here are a few suggestions which have been found to be helpful.
- Eating small and often can help aid your metabolism and ease digestion
- Drink plenty of water to help with the elimination of toxins
- Avoid/consume in moderation beans and soft cheeses - these can be notorious ‘windy weather’ culprits
- Gentle exercise and relaxation such as yoga can help
- Peppermint or other digestive teas and herbal infusions can help with trapped wind
- Don’t eat too late or too heavily at night
- Avoid too much caffeine and alcohol as they are diuretics - decaff has come such a long way, as have low/no alcohol drinks
Whatever you do hotties, be assured these are all pretty much part and parcel of this crazy menopausal ride. So if you want some uplifting ‘wind beneath your [bingo] wings’, look no further for your inspiration, than Gone with The Wind! (cringe)
You can hold your head high - while keeping hold of your nose - and say to your quivering critics - “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Meanwhile, stay fragrant and fabulous hotties!
Love
Julie
Hottie’s Menopause Manual
30. Hayfever & Allergies
“I’ll be back” - those famous immortal words uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator films could have been specifically (m)uttered about the peri/menopause!
Why/how you may ask…?
Well, just when you thought you were about to make it through to the other side, to escape the onslaught of symptoms thrown at you daily, then lo and behold, they come back at you, sometimes stronger than before, sometimes loaded with a new arsenal of weapons, ready to attack again; and - like Arnie - these symptoms are bloody relentless! Those pesky menopause symptoms need to be terminated once and for all.
Unfortunately for us hotties, we have to patiently wait out our ‘dark fate’ and soldier on as best as we can, waiting for ‘salvation’, when lo and behold, (yet) ANOTHER symptom rears its ugly head.
It’s ‘judgment day’ for hayfever & allergies.
When our immune system comes under stress, it releases histamines, which cause allergic reactions. Due to the intimate connection between our hormones and our immune system, it is not unusual to notice some changes to our allergy profile during the peri/menopause.
The hormonal changes of peri/menopause affect the nervous system, digestion and sleep thus causing significant fatigue, all of which leads to a weakened immune system, which can make us hotties prone to hayfever and allergies, even if we have not been previously affected by them.
The most common symptoms of histamine in peri/menopause are rashes, itching, flushing, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), indigestion, breathlessness, palpitations, migraine, dizziness, anxiety/panic, joint aches and nasal congestion.
So, how do we go about terminating this (not so) little list of goodies?
- Keep an eye out for what’s triggering your allergies. Forewarned is forearmed
- Staying well-hydrated will help by reducing the concentration of histamines in your system
- Plenty of sleep will help take the stress off your immune system
Most importantly, don’t forget the peri/menopause drill and our helpful playlist of kick-ass tunes to terminate those menopause blues and stick two fingers up to whatever symptoms you are currently experiencing.
As with anything related to our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any medications or other treatments that may help your symptoms.
So listen up hotties - this famous quote from Terminator is bang on the money and we should take inspiration from it:
"The future has not been written.
There's no fate but what we make for ourselves"
The menopause is going to take its course in some form or another whether we like it or not; but how we deal with it is entirely up to us. We can either sit there, let it take over and wreck our lives, or we can rise up, stare it in the face, look it in the eye, and tell it to back the f*ck off!
It will not defeat us - because what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.
A sense of humour is vital for dealing with this erratic and occasionally overwhelming period of our lives and armed with important information, knowledge, understanding and support, then we can kick this Terminator's arse and cheekily bid it adios - hasta la vista, baby!
Uprising - Muse
Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia
Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
Survivor - Destiny’s Child
Fuck You - Lily Allen
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
I’m Still Standing - Elton John
Set You Free - N-Trance
Rise - Katy Perry
Roar - Katy Perry
Take On Me - A-Ha
Things Can Only Get Better - D’Ream
The Only Way Is Up - Yazz and the Plastic Population
Let’s Go - Calvin Harris feat. Ne-Yo
Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - Backstreet Boys
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Tags: Menopausal Hotties
