June 2022

Menopausal Hotties

The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual

menopausal hotties profile photo

The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..

Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?

Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.

Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.

Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.

We continue with…

5. Water & gas bloating

Exploring the menopause’s many (or should that be meno?!) symptoms, one at a time!

As we whoosh on through our hotties’ list of menopausal symptoms it’s time to brace yourself as we explore ‘water and gas bloating’. Oh yes hotties, we ARE soooo going to go there.

Well you could have blown me down with a feather when entering peri menopause. What the actual heck? My abdomen started blowing up and down as if there was an alien inside mimicking a bicycle pump. My stomach would literally grow before my very eyes. One minute my jeans were fitting, the next I was bursting through and spilling out over the top.

My tummy stretched so much that it was now *that* time - oh yes, the time had come to purchase some Bridget Jones BIG pants. Oh the joy of it, a pair of pants which could cope with my ever-expanding abdomen without the urge to roll down and me constantly yanking them back up. My poor lacy undies soon became demoted from prime drawer space to a more sparse, ‘occasion-wear’ drawer. Sob!

Everything I ate seemed to create a whirlpool of wind that would whip up from out of nowhere, and sneak out without any warning and when I least expected it. Of course it goes without saying that it was hardly ever discreet either, not embarrassing at all right hotties?

And talk about being a passion killer! I’ve never had to flush the toilet so often in a pitiful attempt to disguise the noisy wind machine I was turning into.

The same could be said with water. Although we need to stay hydrated, as a hottie our tummies seem to hold onto it - I call it my camel tummy… except I’m not planning on trekking through the desert. Boy oh boy, who knew that gas and water bloating was an actual thing, and one of the documented symptoms of this menopausal journey.

So why do we start to bloat?

Bloating is one of the most common symptoms of menopause and perimenopause.
It’s thought that the drop in oestrogen (female hormone), which helps maintain the correct amount of water and bile in the body, is responsible. As its levels begin to decrease, we can store more water, which makes us feel bloated. And if that’s not enough, the amount of bile we produce can alter, which in turn affects how we digest fat, leading to more wind. Yep - so double the trouble!

***N.B. ALWAYS be aware that there can be other causes for bloating, so please, please, please always check with a medical professional to eliminate any other serious underlying health concerns or issues***

So what can we do?

Here are a few suggestions which have been found to be helpful.

  • Eating small and often can help aid your metabolism and ease digestion
  • Drink plenty of water to help with the elimination of toxins
  • Avoid/consume in moderation beans and soft cheeses - these can be notorious ‘windy weather’ culprits
  • Gentle exercise and relaxation such as yoga can help
  • Peppermint or other digestive teas and herbal infusions can help with trapped wind
  • Don’t eat too late or too heavily at night
  • Avoid too much caffeine and alcohol as they are diuretics - decaff has come such a long way, as have low/no alcohol drinks

Whatever you do hotties, be assured these are all pretty much part and parcel of this crazy menopausal ride. So if you want some uplifting ‘wind beneath your [bingo] wings’, look no further for your inspiration, than Gone with The Wind! (cringe)

You can hold your head high - while keeping hold of your nose - and say to your quivering critics - “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Meanwhile, stay fragrant and fabulous hotties!


Hottie’s Menopause Manual

10. Depression

Peri/menopausal women can be particularly vulnerable to depression, leaving us that much more sensitive due to hormonal shifts during this time.

But how do we differentiate between feeling blue and being depressed?

Feeling blue:

  • Down in the dumps
  • Feeling a bit ‘meh’
  • Bursting into tears over the most mundane $hit ever - sad films reduce you to a snivelling, snotty mess
  • You feel like crap
  • Apathetic and indifferent
  • Even basics like getting dressed seem like a chore
  • You don’t quite know what to do with yourself!
  • Binge-eating/drinking (more than usual!), followed by extreme bouts of self-criticism and pity-me parties!

And so the cycle continues…rinse and repeat…

Most people feel blue now and again, which is especially true for us hotties as we are having to deal with our bodies changing, and, to add insult to injury, it feels like we’re just mere passengers on this journey where we ride a rollercoaster of emotions daily. Our only advice is to buckle up and try to go with the flow…it’s not necessarily an enjoyable ride and it does have its ups and downs. HOWEVER, take heart dear hottie, and know that you WILL come out the other side, albeit a little shaken and stirred!

Being depressed:

‘True ‘depression has a whole host of other symptoms in addition to the already mammoth list mentioned above. However, they may be exacerbated and prolonged by any one, or several, of the following:

  • Significant weight loss or weight gain as your appetite changes
  • Insomnia - frequent problems sleeping - getting to sleep, waking up during the night, oversleeping
  • Struggling with feelings of guilt
  • Overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness or hopelessness
  • Constantly feeling sad, anxious, empty
  • Losing interest in daily activities and hobbies
  • Difficulty concentrating, problems with remembering things, decision-making
  • Fatigue/extreme loss of energy
  • Feeling extremely irritable and restless
  • You experience aches and pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems which have no obvious physical cause and may not ease, even with treatment
  • Some women can also have thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

If you have been experiencing some of these symptoms, most days, and for at least two weeks, you may be experiencing major depression and should seek help from your GP immediately. They should be able to diagnose you and prescribe the treatment you need.

[Major] depression is a condition which is associated with a chemical imbalance in the brain - the changing hormones we experience during peri/menopause may also be associated with that imbalance.

Looking after our emotional health during peri/menopause is vital and it is important to make sure we can differentiate between feeling blue and being depressed.
If you are depressed, we cannot emphasise enough the importance of contacting your GP so they can address your needs ASAP.

If you are feeling blue, there are quite a few things you can do to help make yourself feel better, to lift your mood.

Go for a walk in the local park, along the beach, the forest, along a lakeside. Breathe in the fresh air, inhale nature's scents and enjoy the scenery. It is scientifically proven that spending time in nature, is hugely beneficial for mental and physical health. The Japanese tend to call it ‘forest-bathing’ - best of all, you don’t need a swimsuit, just some snuggly clothing and comfies!

Try some meditation to de-stress or uplift your soul. Our magazine has a smorgasbord of guided meditations for every emotion and mood you may experience.

‘Eat the rainbow’ - our bodies need a variety of fruit and vegetables which are brimming with vitamins and minerals to stay healthy, and nature has thoughtfully colour-coded these for us. You are what you eat - so put the colour back into your life.

How you dress can have an impact on how you feel! So if you want to feel fabulous make sure you look fabulous! Whether that’s putting on makeup, a favourite outfit, or a spritz of your favourite scent, especially as scents can uplift your mood and evoke memories…it’s the smell factor…smell good, feel good. Or scented oils, such as geranium or orange are particularly good mood-boosters.

Make sure you stay well-hydrated…water really is the true elixir of life…Your skin and joints (and wallet) will thank you for it!

Also try to limit your caffeine and alcohol intake, as they can exacerbate any depressive symptoms.

And our personal favourite: Compile a mood-enhancing playlist for whenever you’re feeling down in the dumps - kick off your shoes, hit play, sing out loud, shake your booty, and dance your socks off. Glitter ball and disco lights optional. Now go dance yourselves dizzy hotties (Liquid Gold)!

Here’s one we made earlier!

Things Can Only Get Better - D-Ream
Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia
This Is Me - Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Ensemble
Roar - Katy Perry
Rise - Katy Perry
Reach - S Club 7
The Only Way is Up - Yazz
The One and Only - Chesney Hawkes
Keep On Movin’ - Five
It’s Alright - East 17
I Am What I Am - Gloria Gaynor
Don’t Stop Believing - Journey
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

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Tags: Menopausal Hotties