Menopausal Hotties
The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..
Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?
Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.
Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.
Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.
We continue with…
5. Water & gas bloating
Exploring the menopause’s many (or should that be meno?!) symptoms, one at a time!
As we whoosh on through our hotties’ list of menopausal symptoms it’s time to brace yourself as we explore ‘water and gas bloating’. Oh yes hotties, we ARE soooo going to go there.
Well you could have blown me down with a feather when entering peri menopause. What the actual heck? My abdomen started blowing up and down as if there was an alien inside mimicking a bicycle pump. My stomach would literally grow before my very eyes. One minute my jeans were fitting, the next I was bursting through and spilling out over the top.
My tummy stretched so much that it was now *that* time - oh yes, the time had come to purchase some Bridget Jones BIG pants. Oh the joy of it, a pair of pants which could cope with my ever-expanding abdomen without the urge to roll down and me constantly yanking them back up. My poor lacy undies soon became demoted from prime drawer space to a more sparse, ‘occasion-wear’ drawer. Sob!
Everything I ate seemed to create a whirlpool of wind that would whip up from out of nowhere, and sneak out without any warning and when I least expected it. Of course it goes without saying that it was hardly ever discreet either, not embarrassing at all right hotties?
And talk about being a passion killer! I’ve never had to flush the toilet so often in a pitiful attempt to disguise the noisy wind machine I was turning into.
The same could be said with water. Although we need to stay hydrated, as a hottie our tummies seem to hold onto it - I call it my camel tummy… except I’m not planning on trekking through the desert. Boy oh boy, who knew that gas and water bloating was an actual thing, and one of the documented symptoms of this menopausal journey.
So why do we start to bloat?
Bloating is one of the most common symptoms of menopause and perimenopause.
It’s thought that the drop in oestrogen (female hormone), which helps maintain the correct amount of water and bile in the body, is responsible. As its levels begin to decrease, we can store more water, which makes us feel bloated. And if that’s not enough, the amount of bile we produce can alter, which in turn affects how we digest fat, leading to more wind. Yep - so double the trouble!
***N.B. ALWAYS be aware that there can be other causes for bloating, so please, please, please always check with a medical professional to eliminate any other serious underlying health concerns or issues***
So what can we do?
Here are a few suggestions which have been found to be helpful.
- Eating small and often can help aid your metabolism and ease digestion
- Drink plenty of water to help with the elimination of toxins
- Avoid/consume in moderation beans and soft cheeses - these can be notorious ‘windy weather’ culprits
- Gentle exercise and relaxation such as yoga can help
- Peppermint or other digestive teas and herbal infusions can help with trapped wind
- Don’t eat too late or too heavily at night
- Avoid too much caffeine and alcohol as they are diuretics - decaff has come such a long way, as have low/no alcohol drinks
Whatever you do hotties, be assured these are all pretty much part and parcel of this crazy menopausal ride. So if you want some uplifting ‘wind beneath your [bingo] wings’, look no further for your inspiration, than Gone with The Wind! (cringe)
You can hold your head high - while keeping hold of your nose - and say to your quivering critics - “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Meanwhile, stay fragrant and fabulous hotties!
Love
Julie
Hottie’s Menopause Manual
34. Osteoporosis
Hotties - there is light at the end of this tunnel as we approach the final symptom of the reported 34 symptoms associated with the peri/menopause journey!
However, we don’t wish to rain on your parade but do please be aware ladies that this $hit show, aka Mother Nature’s special gift to us women, will ALWAYS be on the sidelines, ready to throw a wee spanner in the works, so don’t mind us if we highlight yet ANOTHER symptom that you may or may not have been aware of. 34 isn’t a definitive number so like everything else in life - take it with a pinch of salt or pepper. Lime, tequila and/or a Bloody Mary is optional!
So has Mother Nature saved the best til last? Well, she’s most certainly saved one of the trickiest symptoms until last. Perhaps with hindsight, it’s last on the list in case we get the crap so frightened out of us early on, that we’d abandon reading, rhyme and/or reason, go stick our heads in the sand or fall face first into the nearest vat of alcohol, never to return sober, sane, or to surface again!
Fortunately, we already know by now from reading our Menopause manual that alcohol is not our best friend and that consuming it in large quantities has a negative impact on our bodies and minds, especially as it can turn us into an irrational lunatic! So with that warning light well and truly lit, let’s get down to business and tackle No.34: Osteoporosis.
Osteoporosis is a condition where your bones are less dense, causing them to break or fracture more easily.
Hormonal changes during the peri/menopause can result in a reduction in bone density which in layman's terms, means, osteoporosis is very closely related to oestrogen deficiency.
Bone density (thickness) starts to decrease as your levels of oestrogen decline in the lead-up to menopause and it continues to decrease after menopause, thus having lower levels of oestrogen increases the risk of developing osteoporosis. On average, women lose up to 10% of their bone density in the first 5 years after menopause and about one in two women over the age of 60 will experience at least one fracture due to osteoporosis.
A healthy lifestyle is enormously helpful in reducing your risk of osteoporosis. You know the drill, ladies, and if your menopause brain has descended, we’ve thoughtfully placed the drill below.
It is also recommended you get plenty of calcium and vitamin D.
Good sources of calcium include dairy, tofu, almonds, Brazil nuts, dark green leafy vegetables, and fish with edible bones (e.g. sardines). Greek yoghurt with nuts and berries is one hottie’s favourite breakfast, which can also double up as a dessert if your sweet tooth is badgering you!
Vitamin D is made in the skin following sun exposure and is also found in small quantities in some food. It helps the body absorb calcium. Remember to wear your SPF outdoors tho, even in the winter months!
If you’re worried about osteoporosis do consult your GP. As with anything related to our bodies and our health - if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any underlying causes, medications or other treatments that may explain the reason for or help your symptoms.
As we sign off from our Hotties Menopause Manual, having completed the 34 reported symptoms, rest assured we will be on hand every month to support and help you ladies on this voyage of discovery with our legendary sense of humour, which is a definite requirement whilst navigating this complicated journey into the unknown. But remember this hotties, above all else: we will come out the other side, stronger and wiser, like the f*cking superheroes we are!
Now let’s rock this $hit with a thumping playlist!
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
The Only Way is Up - Yazz
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Things Can Only Get Better - D:Ream
Roar - Katy Perry
Scream - Usher
Reach - S Club 7
Man! I Feel Like A Woman - Shania Twain
I’m Still Standing - Elton John
Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
I’m Every Woman - Whitney Houston
Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia
Let’s Go - Calvin Harris feat. Ne-Yo
Set You Free - N-Trance
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Tags: Menopausal Hotties
