Menopausal Hotties
The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..
Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?
Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.
Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.
Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.
We continue with…
5. Water & gas bloating
Exploring the menopause’s many (or should that be meno?!) symptoms, one at a time!
As we whoosh on through our hotties’ list of menopausal symptoms it’s time to brace yourself as we explore ‘water and gas bloating’. Oh yes hotties, we ARE soooo going to go there.
Well you could have blown me down with a feather when entering peri menopause. What the actual heck? My abdomen started blowing up and down as if there was an alien inside mimicking a bicycle pump. My stomach would literally grow before my very eyes. One minute my jeans were fitting, the next I was bursting through and spilling out over the top.
My tummy stretched so much that it was now *that* time - oh yes, the time had come to purchase some Bridget Jones BIG pants. Oh the joy of it, a pair of pants which could cope with my ever-expanding abdomen without the urge to roll down and me constantly yanking them back up. My poor lacy undies soon became demoted from prime drawer space to a more sparse, ‘occasion-wear’ drawer. Sob!
Everything I ate seemed to create a whirlpool of wind that would whip up from out of nowhere, and sneak out without any warning and when I least expected it. Of course it goes without saying that it was hardly ever discreet either, not embarrassing at all right hotties?
And talk about being a passion killer! I’ve never had to flush the toilet so often in a pitiful attempt to disguise the noisy wind machine I was turning into.
The same could be said with water. Although we need to stay hydrated, as a hottie our tummies seem to hold onto it - I call it my camel tummy… except I’m not planning on trekking through the desert. Boy oh boy, who knew that gas and water bloating was an actual thing, and one of the documented symptoms of this menopausal journey.
So why do we start to bloat?
Bloating is one of the most common symptoms of menopause and perimenopause.
It’s thought that the drop in oestrogen (female hormone), which helps maintain the correct amount of water and bile in the body, is responsible. As its levels begin to decrease, we can store more water, which makes us feel bloated. And if that’s not enough, the amount of bile we produce can alter, which in turn affects how we digest fat, leading to more wind. Yep - so double the trouble!
***N.B. ALWAYS be aware that there can be other causes for bloating, so please, please, please always check with a medical professional to eliminate any other serious underlying health concerns or issues***
So what can we do?
Here are a few suggestions which have been found to be helpful.
- Eating small and often can help aid your metabolism and ease digestion
- Drink plenty of water to help with the elimination of toxins
- Avoid/consume in moderation beans and soft cheeses - these can be notorious ‘windy weather’ culprits
- Gentle exercise and relaxation such as yoga can help
- Peppermint or other digestive teas and herbal infusions can help with trapped wind
- Don’t eat too late or too heavily at night
- Avoid too much caffeine and alcohol as they are diuretics - decaff has come such a long way, as have low/no alcohol drinks
Whatever you do hotties, be assured these are all pretty much part and parcel of this crazy menopausal ride. So if you want some uplifting ‘wind beneath your [bingo] wings’, look no further for your inspiration, than Gone with The Wind! (cringe)
You can hold your head high - while keeping hold of your nose - and say to your quivering critics - “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Meanwhile, stay fragrant and fabulous hotties!
Love
Julie
Hottie’s Menopause Manual
27. Poor Sleep
When Forrest Gump claimed, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get”, he could have been describing menopause because as we all know ladies, menopause and its barmy symptoms is a complete conundrum - totally befuddling and one hell of a shit show as you try and navigate your journey into the unknown. You could even say it’s batshit crazy!
One size most definitely doesn’t fit all and everybody's journey is completely different. Your symptoms and experiences may be totally different to other women going through ‘the change’ which can be confusing, worrying, leaving you feeling all alone, but do not fear hotties as there is now so much information at your fingertips and help is on hand to help you navigate your way through this difficult time…so strap in ladies and deploy that sense of humour needed in order to learn about and get to grips with another menopause symptom - poor sleep.
We all need a good night’s sleep and it can be really frustrating when we find it difficult to produce those zzzz’s and to keep them going for the entire night. A massive 61% of women report troubles with insomnia during peri/menopause. This has a huge knock-on effect impacting daily life and exacerbating our anxiety.
Aching bodies, hot flushes - especially night sweats and mood changes - depression, in particular, are all prime suspects that contribute to poor sleep, so managing these issues will be key to helping manage sleep symptoms as well.
So how do we enter slumberland for an all inclusive stay?
- Avoid heavy meals before bed - maybe spicy vindaloos aren't the best of supper treats?!
- Minimize exposure to light before bed - give the all-night disco rave a miss!
- Avoid napping after 3 pm - or run the risk of joining the night owls.
- Don't exercise before bed - well maybe a little gentle sexercise to help you relax…
- Create a relaxing bedtime ritual - and if sexercise isn’t your thing, try some calming music (we’ve thoughtfully provided a soothing playlist below), a relaxing bath or maybe a massage - but be warned though, that could lead to some sexercise!
- Keep electronics out of the bedroom - that means putting down your bloody phone or iPad hotties and turning off that telly!
- There are many over-the-counter remedies and or even prescription medicines to help with sleep disturbances, but it is vital to seek advice from your GP or pharmacist. Because medications are only short-term remedies and not cures, it is essential you see a health professional before taking any medications.
And don’t forget the menopause drill:
P.S. There’s a reason Sleeping Beauty always looked so damn good and that’s because she slept a lot. It’s not bloody rocket science fellow hotties and it’s not called beauty sleep for fun either!
Believe it or not, beauty sleep is an actual ‘thing’ - we kid you not! It refers to how our skin and body begin to heal themselves from the day. When those tired heads hit the pillow and we enter the land of nod, our body enters recovery mode and produces growth hormones, which create new cells that help heal our skin from any damage done during the day.
Now you may be asking yourself if that were true why do I still wake up looking like a hot mess? Unfortunately ladies, beauty sleep is not a miracle cure and sometimes the only thing that will genuinely help you look more presentable in the morning is a hairbrush and makeup bag! Always keeping it real ladies - ALWAYS keeping it real!
Slumber Songs:
All of Me - John Legend
All Out of Love - Air Supply
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me - George Michael & Elton John
Don’t Give Up - Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush
Eternal Flame - The Bangles
Everytime - Britney Spears
Flying Without Wings - Westlife
Gave It All Away - Boyzone
Give Me Back My Heart - Dollar
Holding On For You - Liberty X
I’m Not In Love - 10cc
If You’re Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield
Now We Are Free - Lisa Gerrard
Perfect Moment - Martine McCutcheon
The Power of Love - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Say Something - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
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