Menopausal Hotties
The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..
Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?
Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.
Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.
Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.
We continue with…
6. Vaginal Dryness
Exploring the 34 symptoms, one at a time.
Our topic in this month’s issue is ‘vaginal dryness’. Holy Moly! Did you just say dry vagina? Yep, we sure did!
This is a sensitive issue for many hotties, although it’s not often the hottest discussion topic on those daytime (or night-time) talk shows.
I can’t ever remember hearing a discussion between the presenter and guests going something like:
“Ohhh, my vagina is a bit dry today, how's yours?”
But why the hell not? Fact of life - it’s totally normal for this to happen. So hotties, don’t be shy, let’s delve in deeper. So to speak…
Fun (not!) factoid for you.
Did you know that there are reportedly 50-70% of post menopausal women who have shared that vaginal dryness is a major issue for them, saying it’s one of the causes for lack of sex, drive and desire in their previously flourishing love life?
It’s also an everyday life challenge with irritation and discomfort.
Vaginal dryness is associated with the drop in oestrogen hormone levels; this drop in hormone levels can contribute to thinning of the uterus walls which could make everyday life and penetrative sex more painful and uncomfortable. We don’t have to put up with it.
The levels of dryness can vary for us hotties, with some women suffering more than others, yet still equally frustrating.
Unfortunately, we can be shy (really, you don’t say) when it comes to talking openly about our less than moist vaginas, it can be a ‘peri’ side effect we didn’t even realise was one, and some hotties may feel embarrassed by this.
Listen up hotties, there is no embarrassment here, well not on our hottie watch. It's real, it’s a fact and we WILL take control.
No more suffering in silence, we don’t have to put up with it. There is help at hand. Say no to vaginal dryness!
Thankfully, there is some good news…
Hotties - with far more education, choice and awareness you can find the right help that works for you.
You’re in your prime and it’s time to step out of the desert-dry spell and into your luscious oasis. No one puts hottie in the desert. No camels for us, toes or otherwise...
There is a variety of lotions, potions, lubes and creams which may help.
Speak to your doctor about which options are right for you, such as hormone replacement therapies, hormone creams that directly target the vagina to thicken the uterus wall, helping with moisture production.
There are many lubricants that you may want to try that could help with ‘friction’, or if you want to spice up your love life these potions could become part of a new enlightened foreplay.
Talk to someone - you are not alone. Share your concerns and experience with a trusted health professional, friend, partner or fellow hottie. You may be pleasantly surprised how much support and understanding there is out there.
Hell, why not experiment? Take the opportunity to educate yourself (and your partner if you have one too). Who knows? We could learn some new tricks.
Could more mean more ?
Apparently some hotties report that they have actually found an increase in libido once they had resolved the issue or found a satisfactory solution to dryness possibly due to eliminating their fear of pain.
It’s also shown that the more frequent sex we have, that the more pelvic blood flow we generate, which can add to more moisture as long as you feel good and comfortable of course.
Now remember hotties - whatever you decide is right for you is totally the right choice.
It’s your body, which you are in full control of, and it’s your menopause journey.
Stay healthy and happy hotties. Here’s to no more vaginal dryness.
Squishily and moisturisingly yours…
Love J x
Hottie’s Menopause Manual
32. Irritability
When your nearest and dearest accuse you of spending far too much time in the company of the following people:
- Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street)
- Dr Gregory House (House)
- Statler & Waldorf (The Muppets)
- Al Bundy (Married With Children)
- Ben Harper (My Family)
- Victor Meldrew (One Foot in the Grave)
…is it time to admit that you have turned into a right irritable f*cker?!
Or are you just suffering from yet another precious gift bestowed upon you by Mother Nature, as you navigate that exhausting, mind-boggling journey called the peri/menopause?
Right then ladies…please be upstanding for symptom number 32: Irritability.
Now we all feel a bit antsy or fretful from time to time, however, if you're experiencing these feelings a bit more frequently than usual, so much so that family, friends and colleagues feel the need to point it out to you with the snide, sarcastic comments, then fellow Hotties, you are well within your rights to inform them to back the f*ck off, mind their own business and keep their unhelpful and unwanted opinions to themselves.
You are a woman, quite literally on the edge and close to the tipping point! So if they want to see the monster reveal itself, then leave them to crack on and deal with its all-consuming wrath. They will learn the hard way that they do not antagonise the monster or unleash the beast.
As with all of the other psychological and emotional changes, this is down to imbalances of those good ol’ trouble-making hormones, oestrogen and progesterone, wreaking havoc on us.
It might also be a result of being hangry. When our blood sugar levels drop too low, our bodies raise them back up by releasing cortisol, which in turn, makes us feel irritable.
Ways to tackle and manage this, without resorting to violence and maiming your nearest and dearest who dare to judge are:
However, as with anything related to our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any underlying causes, medications or other treatments that may explain or help your symptoms.
And as always we love a little jiggle and giggle to a thumping good playlist, which helps to stop us getting so bloody damn irritated!!!
Here’s one we prepared earlier:
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley and the Wailers
Lose Yourself - Eminem
Happy - Pharrell Williams
MMMbop - Hanson
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go - Wham
Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & the Waves
Xanadu - Olivia Newton-John
Beautiful Day - U2
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
Dancing Queen - ABBA
Reach - S Club 7
I’m In The Mood For Dancing - The Nolans
Spice Up Your Life - Spice Girls
What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
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Tags: Menopausal Hotties