Menopausal Hotties
The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..
Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?
Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.
Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.
Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.
We continue with…
6. Vaginal Dryness
Exploring the 34 symptoms, one at a time.
Our topic in this month’s issue is ‘vaginal dryness’. Holy Moly! Did you just say dry vagina? Yep, we sure did!
This is a sensitive issue for many hotties, although it’s not often the hottest discussion topic on those daytime (or night-time) talk shows.
I can’t ever remember hearing a discussion between the presenter and guests going something like:
“Ohhh, my vagina is a bit dry today, how's yours?”
But why the hell not? Fact of life - it’s totally normal for this to happen. So hotties, don’t be shy, let’s delve in deeper. So to speak…
Fun (not!) factoid for you.
Did you know that there are reportedly 50-70% of post menopausal women who have shared that vaginal dryness is a major issue for them, saying it’s one of the causes for lack of sex, drive and desire in their previously flourishing love life?
It’s also an everyday life challenge with irritation and discomfort.
Vaginal dryness is associated with the drop in oestrogen hormone levels; this drop in hormone levels can contribute to thinning of the uterus walls which could make everyday life and penetrative sex more painful and uncomfortable. We don’t have to put up with it.
The levels of dryness can vary for us hotties, with some women suffering more than others, yet still equally frustrating.
Unfortunately, we can be shy (really, you don’t say) when it comes to talking openly about our less than moist vaginas, it can be a ‘peri’ side effect we didn’t even realise was one, and some hotties may feel embarrassed by this.
Listen up hotties, there is no embarrassment here, well not on our hottie watch. It's real, it’s a fact and we WILL take control.
No more suffering in silence, we don’t have to put up with it. There is help at hand. Say no to vaginal dryness!
Thankfully, there is some good news…
Hotties - with far more education, choice and awareness you can find the right help that works for you.
You’re in your prime and it’s time to step out of the desert-dry spell and into your luscious oasis. No one puts hottie in the desert. No camels for us, toes or otherwise...
There is a variety of lotions, potions, lubes and creams which may help.
Speak to your doctor about which options are right for you, such as hormone replacement therapies, hormone creams that directly target the vagina to thicken the uterus wall, helping with moisture production.
There are many lubricants that you may want to try that could help with ‘friction’, or if you want to spice up your love life these potions could become part of a new enlightened foreplay.
Talk to someone - you are not alone. Share your concerns and experience with a trusted health professional, friend, partner or fellow hottie. You may be pleasantly surprised how much support and understanding there is out there.
Hell, why not experiment? Take the opportunity to educate yourself (and your partner if you have one too). Who knows? We could learn some new tricks.
Could more mean more ?
Apparently some hotties report that they have actually found an increase in libido once they had resolved the issue or found a satisfactory solution to dryness possibly due to eliminating their fear of pain.
It’s also shown that the more frequent sex we have, that the more pelvic blood flow we generate, which can add to more moisture as long as you feel good and comfortable of course.
Now remember hotties - whatever you decide is right for you is totally the right choice.
It’s your body, which you are in full control of, and it’s your menopause journey.
Stay healthy and happy hotties. Here’s to no more vaginal dryness.
Squishily and moisturisingly yours…
Love J x
Hottie’s Menopause Manual
34. Osteoporosis
Hotties - there is light at the end of this tunnel as we approach the final symptom of the reported 34 symptoms associated with the peri/menopause journey!
However, we don’t wish to rain on your parade but do please be aware ladies that this $hit show, aka Mother Nature’s special gift to us women, will ALWAYS be on the sidelines, ready to throw a wee spanner in the works, so don’t mind us if we highlight yet ANOTHER symptom that you may or may not have been aware of. 34 isn’t a definitive number so like everything else in life - take it with a pinch of salt or pepper. Lime, tequila and/or a Bloody Mary is optional!
So has Mother Nature saved the best til last? Well, she’s most certainly saved one of the trickiest symptoms until last. Perhaps with hindsight, it’s last on the list in case we get the crap so frightened out of us early on, that we’d abandon reading, rhyme and/or reason, go stick our heads in the sand or fall face first into the nearest vat of alcohol, never to return sober, sane, or to surface again!
Fortunately, we already know by now from reading our Menopause manual that alcohol is not our best friend and that consuming it in large quantities has a negative impact on our bodies and minds, especially as it can turn us into an irrational lunatic! So with that warning light well and truly lit, let’s get down to business and tackle No.34: Osteoporosis.
Osteoporosis is a condition where your bones are less dense, causing them to break or fracture more easily.
Hormonal changes during the peri/menopause can result in a reduction in bone density which in layman's terms, means, osteoporosis is very closely related to oestrogen deficiency.
Bone density (thickness) starts to decrease as your levels of oestrogen decline in the lead-up to menopause and it continues to decrease after menopause, thus having lower levels of oestrogen increases the risk of developing osteoporosis. On average, women lose up to 10% of their bone density in the first 5 years after menopause and about one in two women over the age of 60 will experience at least one fracture due to osteoporosis.
A healthy lifestyle is enormously helpful in reducing your risk of osteoporosis. You know the drill, ladies, and if your menopause brain has descended, we’ve thoughtfully placed the drill below.
It is also recommended you get plenty of calcium and vitamin D.
Good sources of calcium include dairy, tofu, almonds, Brazil nuts, dark green leafy vegetables, and fish with edible bones (e.g. sardines). Greek yoghurt with nuts and berries is one hottie’s favourite breakfast, which can also double up as a dessert if your sweet tooth is badgering you!
Vitamin D is made in the skin following sun exposure and is also found in small quantities in some food. It helps the body absorb calcium. Remember to wear your SPF outdoors tho, even in the winter months!
If you’re worried about osteoporosis do consult your GP. As with anything related to our bodies and our health - if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any underlying causes, medications or other treatments that may explain the reason for or help your symptoms.
As we sign off from our Hotties Menopause Manual, having completed the 34 reported symptoms, rest assured we will be on hand every month to support and help you ladies on this voyage of discovery with our legendary sense of humour, which is a definite requirement whilst navigating this complicated journey into the unknown. But remember this hotties, above all else: we will come out the other side, stronger and wiser, like the f*cking superheroes we are!
Now let’s rock this $hit with a thumping playlist!
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
The Only Way is Up - Yazz
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Things Can Only Get Better - D:Ream
Roar - Katy Perry
Scream - Usher
Reach - S Club 7
Man! I Feel Like A Woman - Shania Twain
I’m Still Standing - Elton John
Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
I’m Every Woman - Whitney Houston
Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia
Let’s Go - Calvin Harris feat. Ne-Yo
Set You Free - N-Trance
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