Menopausal Hotties
The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..
Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?
Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.
Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.
Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.
We begin with…
1: Irregular Periods
Normally this starts in the run up to the full on menopause, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here hotties, remember to walk before you run. Before we reach the giddy heights of the menopause we go through a stage called the perimenopause.
Jeez Louise, it’s like a hormonal assault course out there in our hotties world.
So what does this mean for us? How does this perimenopause affect us? And how long will it last?
Great questions dear hotties so let’s explore in more detail.
One of the first signs you're entering the rollercoaster world of perimenopause can be irregular, crazy sporadic periods, and altered menstrual cycles.
They can become unusually light, missing a few here and there, or extra heavy. The unpredictable nature can be frustrating and downright annoying to say the least.
Guess what? This stage normally starts around four years before the menopause. Yes that’s right hotties - four Goddamn years of erratic periods, oh joy of joys!
It’s all down to our female hormones oestrogen and progesterone as they start to decline. This causes these fluctuations in our menstrual cycles and then some, but more about that in the upcoming editions.
Remember hotties, it’s a marathon not a sprint - so get your best trainers on!
Just as a side note, menopause is classed when ‘you’ve not had a period for at least 12 months straight’.
Worth pointing out to consult with your GP or medical professionals if you are experiencing irregular or unusual periods, and you’ve not been diagnosed as being perimenopausal. They are a font of information and are very reassuring with suggestions and remedies to help alleviate this confusing and stressful time.
Hotties do you want the good or not so good news?
The good news is: you're fabulous and there is support.
The not so good is that 80% of us will experience an average of 10 symptoms out of the known 34. At least no one can say we are greedy!!
So that’s Number 1: covered. Next month we turn the heat up as we explore Number 2: Hot Flushes.
Better get those fans ready hotties, as it’s going to get hot hot hot!
Bye for now you gorgeous hotties, and I’ll see you next month for number two, so to speak...
Love Julie x
Hottie’s Menopause Manual
30. Hayfever & Allergies
“I’ll be back” - those famous immortal words uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator films could have been specifically (m)uttered about the peri/menopause!
Why/how you may ask…?
Well, just when you thought you were about to make it through to the other side, to escape the onslaught of symptoms thrown at you daily, then lo and behold, they come back at you, sometimes stronger than before, sometimes loaded with a new arsenal of weapons, ready to attack again; and - like Arnie - these symptoms are bloody relentless! Those pesky menopause symptoms need to be terminated once and for all.
Unfortunately for us hotties, we have to patiently wait out our ‘dark fate’ and soldier on as best as we can, waiting for ‘salvation’, when lo and behold, (yet) ANOTHER symptom rears its ugly head.
It’s ‘judgment day’ for hayfever & allergies.
When our immune system comes under stress, it releases histamines, which cause allergic reactions. Due to the intimate connection between our hormones and our immune system, it is not unusual to notice some changes to our allergy profile during the peri/menopause.
The hormonal changes of peri/menopause affect the nervous system, digestion and sleep thus causing significant fatigue, all of which leads to a weakened immune system, which can make us hotties prone to hayfever and allergies, even if we have not been previously affected by them.
The most common symptoms of histamine in peri/menopause are rashes, itching, flushing, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), indigestion, breathlessness, palpitations, migraine, dizziness, anxiety/panic, joint aches and nasal congestion.
So, how do we go about terminating this (not so) little list of goodies?
- Keep an eye out for what’s triggering your allergies. Forewarned is forearmed
- Staying well-hydrated will help by reducing the concentration of histamines in your system
- Plenty of sleep will help take the stress off your immune system
Most importantly, don’t forget the peri/menopause drill and our helpful playlist of kick-ass tunes to terminate those menopause blues and stick two fingers up to whatever symptoms you are currently experiencing.
As with anything related to our bodies and our health, if you are experiencing difficulties, it makes sense to seek advice from your GP or health professional to see if there are any medications or other treatments that may help your symptoms.
So listen up hotties - this famous quote from Terminator is bang on the money and we should take inspiration from it:
"The future has not been written.
There's no fate but what we make for ourselves"
The menopause is going to take its course in some form or another whether we like it or not; but how we deal with it is entirely up to us. We can either sit there, let it take over and wreck our lives, or we can rise up, stare it in the face, look it in the eye, and tell it to back the f*ck off!
It will not defeat us - because what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.
A sense of humour is vital for dealing with this erratic and occasionally overwhelming period of our lives and armed with important information, knowledge, understanding and support, then we can kick this Terminator's arse and cheekily bid it adios - hasta la vista, baby!
Uprising - Muse
Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia
Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
Survivor - Destiny’s Child
Fuck You - Lily Allen
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
I’m Still Standing - Elton John
Set You Free - N-Trance
Rise - Katy Perry
Roar - Katy Perry
Take On Me - A-Ha
Things Can Only Get Better - D’Ream
The Only Way Is Up - Yazz and the Plastic Population
Let’s Go - Calvin Harris feat. Ne-Yo
Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - Backstreet Boys
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