Menopausal Hotties
The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..
Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?
Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.
Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.
Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.
We begin with…
1: Irregular Periods
Normally this starts in the run up to the full on menopause, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here hotties, remember to walk before you run. Before we reach the giddy heights of the menopause we go through a stage called the perimenopause.
Jeez Louise, it’s like a hormonal assault course out there in our hotties world.
So what does this mean for us? How does this perimenopause affect us? And how long will it last?
Great questions dear hotties so let’s explore in more detail.
One of the first signs you're entering the rollercoaster world of perimenopause can be irregular, crazy sporadic periods, and altered menstrual cycles.
They can become unusually light, missing a few here and there, or extra heavy. The unpredictable nature can be frustrating and downright annoying to say the least.
Guess what? This stage normally starts around four years before the menopause. Yes that’s right hotties - four Goddamn years of erratic periods, oh joy of joys!
It’s all down to our female hormones oestrogen and progesterone as they start to decline. This causes these fluctuations in our menstrual cycles and then some, but more about that in the upcoming editions.
Remember hotties, it’s a marathon not a sprint - so get your best trainers on!
Just as a side note, menopause is classed when ‘you’ve not had a period for at least 12 months straight’.
Worth pointing out to consult with your GP or medical professionals if you are experiencing irregular or unusual periods, and you’ve not been diagnosed as being perimenopausal. They are a font of information and are very reassuring with suggestions and remedies to help alleviate this confusing and stressful time.
Hotties do you want the good or not so good news?
The good news is: you're fabulous and there is support.
The not so good is that 80% of us will experience an average of 10 symptoms out of the known 34. At least no one can say we are greedy!!
So that’s Number 1: covered. Next month we turn the heat up as we explore Number 2: Hot Flushes.
Better get those fans ready hotties, as it’s going to get hot hot hot!
Bye for now you gorgeous hotties, and I’ll see you next month for number two, so to speak...
Love Julie x
Hottie’s Menopause Manual
27. Poor Sleep
When Forrest Gump claimed, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get”, he could have been describing menopause because as we all know ladies, menopause and its barmy symptoms is a complete conundrum - totally befuddling and one hell of a shit show as you try and navigate your journey into the unknown. You could even say it’s batshit crazy!
One size most definitely doesn’t fit all and everybody's journey is completely different. Your symptoms and experiences may be totally different to other women going through ‘the change’ which can be confusing, worrying, leaving you feeling all alone, but do not fear hotties as there is now so much information at your fingertips and help is on hand to help you navigate your way through this difficult time…so strap in ladies and deploy that sense of humour needed in order to learn about and get to grips with another menopause symptom - poor sleep.
We all need a good night’s sleep and it can be really frustrating when we find it difficult to produce those zzzz’s and to keep them going for the entire night. A massive 61% of women report troubles with insomnia during peri/menopause. This has a huge knock-on effect impacting daily life and exacerbating our anxiety.
Aching bodies, hot flushes - especially night sweats and mood changes - depression, in particular, are all prime suspects that contribute to poor sleep, so managing these issues will be key to helping manage sleep symptoms as well.
So how do we enter slumberland for an all inclusive stay?
- Avoid heavy meals before bed - maybe spicy vindaloos aren't the best of supper treats?!
- Minimize exposure to light before bed - give the all-night disco rave a miss!
- Avoid napping after 3 pm - or run the risk of joining the night owls.
- Don't exercise before bed - well maybe a little gentle sexercise to help you relax…
- Create a relaxing bedtime ritual - and if sexercise isn’t your thing, try some calming music (we’ve thoughtfully provided a soothing playlist below), a relaxing bath or maybe a massage - but be warned though, that could lead to some sexercise!
- Keep electronics out of the bedroom - that means putting down your bloody phone or iPad hotties and turning off that telly!
- There are many over-the-counter remedies and or even prescription medicines to help with sleep disturbances, but it is vital to seek advice from your GP or pharmacist. Because medications are only short-term remedies and not cures, it is essential you see a health professional before taking any medications.
And don’t forget the menopause drill:
P.S. There’s a reason Sleeping Beauty always looked so damn good and that’s because she slept a lot. It’s not bloody rocket science fellow hotties and it’s not called beauty sleep for fun either!
Believe it or not, beauty sleep is an actual ‘thing’ - we kid you not! It refers to how our skin and body begin to heal themselves from the day. When those tired heads hit the pillow and we enter the land of nod, our body enters recovery mode and produces growth hormones, which create new cells that help heal our skin from any damage done during the day.
Now you may be asking yourself if that were true why do I still wake up looking like a hot mess? Unfortunately ladies, beauty sleep is not a miracle cure and sometimes the only thing that will genuinely help you look more presentable in the morning is a hairbrush and makeup bag! Always keeping it real ladies - ALWAYS keeping it real!
Slumber Songs:
All of Me - John Legend
All Out of Love - Air Supply
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me - George Michael & Elton John
Don’t Give Up - Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush
Eternal Flame - The Bangles
Everytime - Britney Spears
Flying Without Wings - Westlife
Gave It All Away - Boyzone
Give Me Back My Heart - Dollar
Holding On For You - Liberty X
I’m Not In Love - 10cc
If You’re Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield
Now We Are Free - Lisa Gerrard
Perfect Moment - Martine McCutcheon
The Power of Love - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Say Something - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
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