February 2022

Menopausal Hotties

The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual

menopausal hotties profile photo

The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..

Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?

Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.

Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.

Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.

We begin with…

1: Irregular Periods

Normally this starts in the run up to the full on menopause, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here hotties, remember to walk before you run. Before we reach the giddy heights of the menopause we go through a stage called the perimenopause.

Jeez Louise, it’s like a hormonal assault course out there in our hotties world.

So what does this mean for us? How does this perimenopause affect us? And how long will it last?

Great questions dear hotties so let’s explore in more detail.

One of the first signs you're entering the rollercoaster world of perimenopause can be irregular, crazy sporadic periods, and altered menstrual cycles.

They can become unusually light, missing a few here and there, or extra heavy. The unpredictable nature can be frustrating and downright annoying to say the least.

Guess what? This stage normally starts around four years before the menopause. Yes that’s right hotties - four Goddamn years of erratic periods, oh joy of joys!

It’s all down to our female hormones oestrogen and progesterone as they start to decline. This causes these fluctuations in our menstrual cycles and then some, but more about that in the upcoming editions.

Remember hotties, it’s a marathon not a sprint - so get your best trainers on!

Just as a side note, menopause is classed when ‘you’ve not had a period for at least 12 months straight’.

Worth pointing out to consult with your GP or medical professionals if you are experiencing irregular or unusual periods, and you’ve not been diagnosed as being perimenopausal. They are a font of information and are very reassuring with suggestions and remedies to help alleviate this confusing and stressful time.

Hotties do you want the good or not so good news?

The good news is: you're fabulous and there is support.

The not so good is that 80% of us will experience an average of 10 symptoms out of the known 34. At least no one can say we are greedy!!

So that’s Number 1: covered. Next month we turn the heat up as we explore Number 2: Hot Flushes.

Better get those fans ready hotties, as it’s going to get hot hot hot!

Bye for now you gorgeous hotties, and I’ll see you next month for number two, so to speak...

Love Julie x

Hottie’s Menopause Manual

8. Loss of Libido

This next symptom on our long and exhaustive list is more than reminiscent of a certain Mr Powers. Austin Powers.

Not familiar with ‘his work’? Oh you are so missing a treat Hotties!

Austin Powers is a hilarious spoof of James Bond, spanning three films, starring such a wonderful cast of characters with, let’s say, very inventive names such as Alotta Fagina, Ivana Humpalot and Felicity Shagwell; and it is whilst ‘dallying’ with the latter of these lovely ladies that Austin incredulously announces - “I’ve lost my mojo!”

Oh boy, we feel your pain Austin and us Hotties totally understand. HOWEVER, let’s be totally honest here; whilst some of us are devastated to lose our libido, it has to be said - perhaps a tad controversially - that some women welcome that loss with open hands, celebrating the fact that they have a bona fide medical reason to not partake in any bedroom olympics for the foreseeable. No more faking headaches or orgasms for them!

So which category do you fall into dear Hottie?

Lamenting the loss of your libido? Or, celebrating the loss of your libido?

No matter which category you fall into, let’s delve a little deeper as we work out why many women’s libido ‘takes a hit’ during the perimenopause and menopause.

Libido is the term used to describe sexual interest or desire, and there are two main reasons for loss of libido during the menopause:

  • The psychological aspect, where a woman has no emotional interest in sex
  • The physical aspect, when a woman has vaginal dryness which can make intercourse painful, pretty much making the loss of libido a foregone conclusion

More than a third of women in perimenopause, or who are postmenopausal, report having sexual difficulties, from a lack of interest in sex, to trouble having an orgasm - and no surprises for guessing who or what the main culprit is in all of this - yep, you’ve guessed it, it’s those pesky hormones!

Oestrogen is the main female hormone and it takes a massive nosedive during peri/menopause.

Oestrogen allows the walls of the vagina to be healthy and lubricated. When the levels of oestrogen decrease, the vagina walls can become dry, less stretchy and irritated - and an irritable vagina is not a happy vagina! This can make sexual intercourse painful and it can lower desire, making it more challenging for you to become aroused.

To add to the list, lowered levels of oestrogen also result in hot flushes and night sweats, which can make a woman feel less attractive, with knock on effects to our libido. Ideally, we want to be that hot ‘n sweaty sex siren AFTER sex, not BEFORE!

And then we have good ol’ progesterone and testosterone, playing an all-important role with our libido levels.

Testosterone is the main hormone for causing sexual desire and progesterone stimulates the production of this hormone. However, during peri/menopause, levels of progesterone also reduce, resulting in loss of libido.

So what can we do Hotties to help us get over this little hiccup as quickly as possible, or not?! (I suppose much depends upon which category you fall into - lamenting or celebrating?)

Read on if you want to help that libido recover in double quick time!

  • Stick with us - we know this is going to sound boringly sensible, however, regular aerobic exercise can help increase stamina and strength. Exercising regularly can help you feel better about your image, and in turn, boost your libido - when you look good, you feel good.
    Or start out with some gentle yoga to help your body become your new flexible friend. You might also surprise your lover(s), and yourself, with some new found ‘moves’ as a result of your enhanced ‘flexibility’!
  • Spend time with your partner - when you lose intimacy with them your sexual desire will naturally decline. Out of sight…out of mind, and all that! It is vitally important you can talk to your partner to increase your emotional bond, and for them to understand what you are going through - they are not mind readers (thankfully!) so good communication is key! Try ‘Date Nights’…a romantic candlelit(?) meal, Netflix and chill or bring out the big guns…Nine And A Half Weeks (oh Mickey you’re so fine…), Ann Summers finest, Fifty Shades of Grey…you get the idea!
  • Try eating certain mood-boosting foods that are thought to help increase libido and blood flow to the genitals, foods which include magnesium, soy and protein, especially before and during ‘Date Night’! Apparently bananas, avocados, figs, dark chocolate, basil, and garlic are all thought to have such beneficial properties…Food shopping will never be the same again - and even less so after watching Nine And A Half Weeks!
  • Stress less - yes, we know this is easier said than done, however, stress has a negative impact on libido. The more you overthink - the worse you will feel. You can’t force yourself to feel sexy and ‘in the mood’, so try and relax and let it happen naturally. Youtube is awash with short guided meditations to help you unwind, relax and generally ‘switch off’. Just don’t listen to any whilst driving or operating heavy machinery, etc ;-)
  • If you have tried homemade, over the counter, and/or herbal remedies, yet feel they have had no effect on your overall ‘mojo’, it may be worth seeking medical advice (and tests) from your GP. They may be able to prescribe treatment to help with any hormone imbalance which may be the root of the problem.

I guess the moral of our tale is that with time and a little help, your libido can and will return - whether that’s a good thing or not - no judgement here - but for Austin Powers it was a very ‘shagadelic baby, yeah’ moment and a return to his mojo-tastic, form which he happily accepted with gusto!

Your libido may not be firing on all cylinders, but with some time, effort, a little TLC, and a helping hand, you hang on in there hottie, as things can only get better.

It’s a time to go exploring, where there’s a whole world of sex toys and essential lotions & potions out there to spice things up. They say variety is the spice of life and you are in the prime of your life Hotties. So grab the world by the (jiggle) balls and enjoy re-discovering your mojo!

As we bid you farewell for another month Hotties, we’ll leave you with some great songs to help you deal with the declining libido with a small medley from the Austin Powers movies:

Divinyls - I Touch Myself
Marvin Gaye - Let’s Get It On
and one of Austin’s all time favourites; Burt Bacharach - What The World Needs Now Is Love…

Stay groovy baby, yeah!

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Tags: Menopausal Hotties