Lady P - September 2021
Greetings and salutations my ravishing readers!
I am honoured and thrilled to be the travel correspondent for the global phenomenon that is emmaheaven.com. My name is Lady Perdita Fitzwilliam Tudor-Croft, Perdy to friends, Ditsy D to family and Dirty Dita to my unsavoury exes, but you can all call me Lady P.
My darling ravishing readers, one is currently residing in Champagne, holding aloft a glass of deliciously chilled champagne, still toasting the Dickies’ Awards success and notoriety. Isn’t that why bubbles-fuelled girly chat groups were invented?!?
Cousin Pierre has been beyond generous with his hospitality, and one does so love the chateau life that I am seriously contemplating staying here for the foreseeable, or until the cellars run dry - whichever happens soonest!!
Pierre is very much in favour of this as he says my stamina for non-stop partying and fun rivals only his. I don’t know whether that is a compliment or not given Pierre’s ferocious party animal reputation is renowned throughout AND beyond Europe, tho not necessarily in an overly acceptable way, well not if the graffiti (and Interpol) are to be believed!
So my darling readers, this leaves little ol’ moi mulling over quite the dilemma. In the lyrical words of The Clash, ‘Should I stay or should I go? Or perhaps that should be, ‘Chateau stay or chateau go...’?!
In typical doubting-Dita style I asked for some help and advice from my loyal gal pals; their resounding advice was to do a pros and cons list, which I have outlined below so you can take a peek as to how one reached that all important decision.
- Unlimited champagne and other delicious wines/spirits/liqueurs. Day AND night.
- Glorious picturesque surroundings in which to rest by day and play by night!
- A Daddy-free zone - no ranting and raving about my bloody spending habits 24/7.
- Pierre’s tres jolie group of friends, who are more than friendly and accommodating when the need arises...
- Proximity to Paris, and its many temptations… avec or sans credit card...ooh la la!
- Avoiding the daily onslaught of Megxit media stories - although their spectacular fall from grace has made one chuckle. Pierre and I are placing bets that their titles will be stripped by the end of the year! Schadenfreude or karma?!
- All work and no play makes Dita a dull lady. Sacre bleu...
- The unlimited champagne and other delicious wines/spirits/liqueurs are beginning to pile on a few pounds, which are not so easy to drop as one ‘matures’!
- One yearns to dust off one’s passport and become a globetrotter once more. I have international affairs - quite literally - to attend to...
- The opportunity to relentlessly wind up Daddy, and to have Mummy’s undivided attention and wise words is awfully tempting, especially given the state of the autumnal TV schedule.
- Having so little choice on offer when it comes to, ahem, ‘accommodating’ gentlemen callers and counting on their discretion - a gal really can have too much of a good thing if you know what I mean. And I do so love the thrill of the chase - having it served on a platter can get a tad tiresome...
- Running up one’s Black Amex to biblical spending proportions, on the Champs-Elysees. Safe to say that one’s shopping habits are already out of hand, and one’s dreading another one of *those* calls from Daddy threatening to cut me off. AGAIN!
- The opportunity to lobby the great British Press to stop publishing press releases from my beloved Ginger Prince’s office, on a daily basis which makes him incredibly hard to get over; though if one is being totally honest, he’s lost any remaining sex appeal since she who must not be named locked his crown jewels away!
- Reacquainting myself with London’s spectacular nightlife and rejoining the Heaven HQ office. Although one is having a blast working from home et le chateau, it will be good to have a modicum of structure back in one’s life, much as one likes to hang loose so to speak...
Suffice to say after mulling over these compelling pros and cons, and another rather giggly, champagne-fuelled Zoom call with the gals, one decided it was time to haul butt, or should that be one’s derrière?! and get back to the UK toute de suite, to resume one’s position as the travel correspondent for the Emma Heaven Online Magazine, and start living the mile high/high life once more.
After a lengthy discussion with those fabulous gals at EH HQ, we have come up with a cunning plan to (re)launch myself on the travel scene with gusto and my darling ravishing readers, I cannot wait to unleash all the intimate details on you in my column next month, so I bid you adieu and look forward to entertaining you internationally once more...
Toodle pip and au revoir
***Note to Team Heaven HQ***
Dahhhling gals - if you could pull a few strings and book me in for a mini detox spa on my way home, before resuming my globetrotting duties, that would be absolutely wunderbar.
You see, I just ever so slightly fell off the wagon, after 2 days into my juice/water fast to blitz the boozy bulges, when cousin Pierre insisted we watch the US Open. Ordinarily we would have been courtside cheering darling Emma on. Jabs or no jabs, we were grounded, so had to content ourselves with the last of the chateau’s vintage champers to toast the lovely Emma Raducanu’s spectacular win in New York. Anyway, I digress...
Tho whilst we are ‘talking tennis’, I shall give you the details of my tennis coach, so you can book me in with him for a few sessions to keep my (back) hand in. It’s been a while since I’ve given anyone a good pounding, so to speak... #NewBallsPlease!
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