Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Images of clothes and accessories swirl around your mind causing major distractions. Now then - you are supposed to be working from home, but instead, you find yourself being called to your iPad as if someone has cast a spell on you. You’re in a trance like state as you begin to scroll through your ‘must have or I could possibly die if I don’t’ wish list, just a tad dramatic, or is this your reality? Well sweetie, we know fashion is important, so for the love of Gucci...add it to your shopping cart and let the excitement of delivery begin. Immortality isn’t an option right now, so you must NEVER run the risk of putting your health in jeopardy. #ShopAndStayHealthy
The Great British weather hasn’t got a bloody clue what it’s doing from one day to the next. It’s bonkers and out of control...sometimes producing the four seasons in one day, making outfit choices a complete and utter nightmare! To brolly, or not to brolly, that is the ultimate question?! We fashion gods highly recommend a micro-brolly. They’re so cute and versatile, and should fit in your handbag with no major issues, unless you happen to be wearing a micro handbag which begs the question “how on earth can you get everything you need for a night out in one of those?!” unless it’s a magic Mary Poppins bag...?! #DisneyToTheRescue
You’re finally re-living your fashion dreams. Oh yes sweetie...socialising is back on the cards which means you can now show off your fashionista skills in public, with an audience. What more could you ask for? Well, for the weather to start playing ball would be a great start, as it’s not much fun meeting outdoors when it persistently rains on your parade, so to speak! Unfortunately you have no control over that little issue, so always be prepared for any meteorological event that may be thrown at you without a moment's notice and start preparing that all weather emergency pack NOW! If wellies aren’t your best friend, you can always tell yourself - and any sartorial critics - that you’re breaking them in for the musical festival season - whenever that might happen! #AlwaysBePrepared
It’s time to hit the road. The stay at home rule has been lifted and now it’s time to re-discover your surroundings (within reason)...don’t get too excited tho, as you cannot leave the country. However, there are lots of places waiting to be discovered, and those wardrobe items you invested in during lockdown will finally be able to be used as nature and the fashion gods intended, rather than expensive armchair decorations! The supermarket and its aisles are no longer your only catwalk! Now you can sashay down the high street, the marina, the beach, the park...anywhere you choose (where the law allows!) wearing whatever the hell you want, and re-engaging with the fabulous world of fashion. Mwah! Work it girrrrrl! #MakeEveryOutfitCount
It’s time to be honest with yourself and give yourself that ‘pep talk’ which you’ve been putting off for months now. Sweetie - without sounding too harsh, but you’ve put on a little bit of timber, and those once flattering clothes that have been languishing in your wardrobe are now almost as stretched as your (im)patience with the pandemic! It’s not about vanity sweetie - think of it as an investment in your health and wellbeing. Admitting you need help and taking charge of the situation is the first step...your second step is to quite literally step away from the ‘naughty but oh so nice’ food, and save it for the occasional - rather than daily - treat. We’ve got your back - so know that you CAN get yourself back on track and into the groove, ready to hit the ground running when restrictions really start to ease up. #EverythingInModeration
Don’t ever compromise on fashion choices. You belong to a very select group of people who are always impeccably dressed to impress...anytime...anyplace...anywhere, and on ALL occasions, no matter how big or small the occasion may be. Nothing sends a shiver down your spine like an averagely dressed person. It’s a criminal offence in your eyes which needs immediate investigation by the fashion police. All guilty offences will be added to your fashion history licence - repeat offenders may have their fashion licences suspended indefinitely, until they learn not to abuse fashion in a bad way. #CrimesAgainstFashionWillNotBeTolerated
Abandon the hibernation and head outdoors to make the most of the sunshine while it lasts. You finally get the chance to bask in the sun's hot rays and soak up that ‘it feels like I’m on holiday’ feeling...just remember your sun tan lotion sweetie, as your poor body hasn’t been so exposed to daylight in a very long time; you could end up a burnt, red, hot mess, and not in a sexy way! requiring a coating of aloe vera and a ’back to the barracks’ order until sundown or it’s all calmed down! Remember that all-important mantra before you go OTT: You're never fully dressed without SPF! #BeHotForTheRightReason
Family and friends believe you have been behaving rather mysteriously over the last few weeks, and boy are they right. You have been uncharacteristically quiet on social media and that’s because of some frantic work going on behind the scenes. With socialising firmly back on the cards and pencilled into your diary, you have had one hell of a lifestyle overhaul. As soon as you knew restrictions were going to be lifted, realisation dawned that people would actually be able to see ALL of you, and not just from the waist up! Cue the frantic situps and strict salad regime...followed by actually getting used to dressing your lower half again. #ATaleOfTwoHalves
You feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall. No matter how much you torment yourself exercising and dieting, you still can’t fit into your bloody clothes. Patience young padawan...Rome wasn’t built in a day and those pounds have gone on steadily over 12 months, so they will take time to come off as well...unless you pay thousands of pounds to undergo liposuction, which is both painful and dangerous. So sweetie, set yourself some realistic goals and accept the fact that those skinny jeans are going to have to stay in the wardrobe just a little bit longer than you had originally hoped! #LiveInTheRealWorld
Weird and wonderful outfit ideas keep popping into your head, and whereas before you would just mentally store them in the ‘maybe one day’ section at the very back of your mind, you can now thankfully sweetie get to turn them into reality, AND get to wear them out and about, with real life people in real time - you should just about have some vague memories of those fun times? You now have a renewed sense of purpose - hoorah - finally your get up and go, has got up and arrived! So it’s full steam ahead sweetie and let the spring/summer season of fashion begin...toot toot! #AllAboardTheFashionExpress
Don’t let anybody guilt you into something you don’t want to do. Well-meaning friends can sometimes have their own hidden agenda, so don’t get sucked in by pleading, cajoling or bribery! Stand your ground and say NO to their pleas, especially if they are asking you to model their latest fashion designs created during lockdown when they were bored and decided to try out another career. Really sweetie, being the face of an ‘interesting’ new fashion range just because your bestie designed it won’t end well - cue unkind comments from trolls, sniggering behind your back, and quite possibly being sent to social Siberia! A diplomatic “thanks but no thanks - it doesn’t really match my vibe, and I don’t think I’d appeal to your target audience”, or words to that effect, should neatly steer you out of this tricky proposal. #StopPeoplePleasing
You are rapidly heading towards burnout. Calm down duckie and take things easy. We know how exciting it is to finally be allowed to party with real live people after months and months of conversing with a computer screen. AND we know all too well how essential it is for a fashionista to be able to get their gladrags on and show off to a captive audience. You thrive on compliments and are ecstatic when people applaud your fashion genius. It makes you all gooey inside and creates a lovely warm fuzzy feeling that’s been missing for so long. HOWEVER, too much too soon will leave you both mentally and physically exhausted! Pace yourself. No need to sizzle then fizzle out like a Catherine Wheel! #FrankieSaysRelax