Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Lately, you’ve been keeping yourself amused with some creative fashion inspired projects, (fortunately fashion designers all over the world have nothing to fear!) And now that Boris & co are relaxing the lockdown, and you’re finally allowed to (selectively) meet other human beings without having to make sure your Wi-Fi is up to speed, you can now show off the fruits of your creative labour, as long as the weather plays ball. Why? people may ask…Well sweetie...customised denim hot pants (jeans you’ve lopped the legs off), look a tad silly being worn in the rain when the social distancing rules only allow you to meet others outside. So unless you want to look like a Flashdance throwback...#DontDoTheRainDance
A little confused as to why after all this time in isolation - and now that you are allowed to venture out - that you’re feeling apprehensive? It’s entirely natural sweetie - we understand and share your fears. Unfortunately, during lockdown a lot of people turned to one of two things - booze and baking! Both will have been responsible for the considerable weight gain you’re now flailing to conceal under long flowing tops, floaty dresses and elasticated waists. NOW is the time to step away from those emotional crutches, embrace the fabulous weather, and use it as motivation to regain your pre-lockdown ‘hot bod’ once more. So ditch the booze - put on your walking shoes! #SunshineIsTheBestMedicine
You’re not sure which fashion direction to go in. For the last few months, your daily wardrobe choices have consisted mainly of loungewear; now while that has been comfy, practical and perfectly acceptable, you have longed for a little glamour in your life, missing the opportunity to dress up a little. Now those longed for moments are beginning to re-surface, but it’s been so long that you’re not even sure whether you have still have ‘it’ - and by ‘it’ we mean your fashionista status! You are now faced with the monumental task of devising a rather fabulous outfit for your forthcoming, socially-distanced liaison with friends in the park - can you pull it off? Of course you can duckie, you are fashion royalty - it’s just like riding a bike! Get back in the saddle, and #ReclaimYourCrown
A whole new world awaits you. Shops are about to re-open - but not as you know them! There will be new shopping rules and regulations a’plenty, but you are a professional shopper sweetie - we have no doubts whatsoever that you will take to them like a duck to water. Change can be a good thing; it will do you good to get back out into the world and start living again, especially if it means you actually getting out of those yoga pants, which have become such a prominent part of your life that you may need counseling for dependency issues. And your poor yoga pants in need of counselling for abandonment issues! Remember: yoga pants are for life, not just for lockdown! #LifeIsLikeUnderwear_ChangeIsGood
It’s time to start planning FAST! Lockdown is being eased and businesses are about to re-open. For you that can only mean one thing. FASHION SHOPPING!!! Although you haven’t been completely cut off thanks to the availability of online shopping. Can you just imagine having to go cold turkey?! Us neither - the mere thought is simply terrifying - hand us a stiff drink please! However, you need to feel the thrill of strolling into a shop, finding its hidden treasure, bringing it home, before conjuring up an outfit fit for the queen of preen! You have been ever so patient sweetie, and now it’s time to get back out into the big wide world, even though it may be a little different to how it once was. It’s time to wow your public once more. #CarpeDiem
Your emotions have reached maximum level. You’re all cried out with exhaustion from trying to trim your lockdown waistline and get back into your jeans; and just when you’ve finally got your eating habits back under some semblance of control, McDonalds and their ilk only go and announce that they’re re-opening!!! Panic is mounting and you look at your wardrobe, wondering if you will ever fit into it again?! Have faith duckie. It’s time for a cool headed approach - think rationally. Treat yourself to a McDonalds ONCE, else you will fixate on it. And then - for the love of fashion - step away from the Big Macs and re-embrace your ‘lean and clean’ way of living which has served you so well, otherwise your once overworked wardrobe will only be headed in one direction - and that’s to the charity store when they re-open! #ConsiderThisFairWarning
Do a little creative research before you launch your new business idea. We know lockdown has brought out people’s creative sides, but just because you can bake a banana loaf with the best (and the worst) of them, does not make you the next Mary Berry, nor does making your own customised facemask give you Karl Lagerfeld bragging rights. We’re all for entrepreneurs and creativity. HOWEVER, a few words of advice - make sure that what you’re doing is different and original duckie, otherwise it’s just another version of the same old thing in an already over-saturated market. You were born to lead, not follow. Flex those creative brain cells and come up with the discovery of the decade - the best ideas usually happen when we’re totally relaxed, usually with a cocktail in hand. Go with - and where - the ideas flow #MinesAMojito
How devoted are you? Are you a dedicated follower of fashion, no matter how silly you might end up looking? Or do you dress for yourself, and not care a jot about what’s IN or what’s OUT? A little of both is the balanced option and the best way forward sweetie. You don’t want to be emerging on those post-lockdown streets dressed like a colour-blind waif from the Victorian era, nor do you want to be ridiculed for wearing a neon crop top and short-shorts combo, best suited to a toned and taut teenager, while you sport not so much a muffin top, but an entire cake shelf! By all means keep up to date with what's fashionable, but for the love of denim, adapt your outfits, so that they’re body and age appropriate. You AND your dignity can thank us later! #KnowYourLaneAndStickToIt
Restoring order is your number one priority. Actually it’s your only priority. You are so over baking, Zoom chats and online exercise classes. And if you see one more advert for a Facebook live, you may be in danger of breaking EVERY single lockdown protocol and go on a rage rampage! So step away from the Wi-Fi and take a trip to that special place - the Land of Fashion. Visit its capital. Yes. Your very own wardrobe, and start sorting through your treasure trove of goodies. Get ready to plan your ‘Release from Lockdown’ outfits. Obviously it would be rude not to order your favourite tipple from your own exclusive local bar - aka Your Fridge/Cupboard. Then go enjoy some much needed dressing up time while dancing around your extensive handbag collection. #DontBlameItOnTheBoogie
Steer clear from all the drama llamas in your life. You don’t need to hear them making a mountain out of a molehill, turning every aspect of their lives into a full blown drama! They wouldn’t know what constitutes a real emergency because EVERYTHING that happens in their life IS one! A real disaster is unloading the washing machine only to find your favourite white (now discontinued) designer top has turned pink because someone snuck a red sock in with it. OR, Net-A-Porter has a sale on, where you hastily add to the shopping cart, racing through to the checkout as fast as humanly possible, only to have your card details rejected, and when you do finally get through, the clothes are no longer bloody available. Now **THAT** is what you can call blood-pressure raising drama! #HoustonWeHaveAProblem #ASOSWeHaveABiggerProblem!
It’s time to slow down, take stock, and recharge your batteries. Since the announcement of how lockdown is going to be eased, you have stepped up your exercise and diet efforts; and all because you decided at the start of lockdown to embark upon eating your bodyweight in bread, flapjacks and anything else you could bake. So now that your waistline has ballooned, and none of your clothes bar your PJs and joggers fit you, panic has set in! With an equal amount of enthusiasm which you embraced the lockdown ‘diet’, you have decided to reverse their effects with extreme dietary measures, leaving you totally and utterly knackered! Living off lettuce leaves and doing sit ups like Tigger on speed is not a sustainable approach sweetie; it’s also - and we say this with love, not judgement - dangerously stupid! So do yourself a favour. You’ve survived lockdown and got this far. Please look after yourself, by eating and drinking in moderation, and exercising sensibly. #DontBingeTilYouCringe
Is that a twinge of jealousy you’re feeling whilst mindlessly scrolling through social media? You see your friends looking fabulous, losing their lockdown weight with (borderline puritanical) healthy eating habits, endless exercise routines and neverending bikini selfies; meanwhile you are shuffling around in yet another lounge suit from your burgeoning Corona-collection, with their godsend of an elasticated waist with plenty of room for expansion? The only daily exercise you’ve been doing, is a short stroll to the fridge to pour yourself another glass of deliciously chilled white wine. STOP SULKING NOW!!! You have two options. Option 1: Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up off your arse, start looking after yourself, and start getting back into shape, or, Option 2: Pour yourself (yet) another glass, savour it, and enjoy this lockdown time while you can, whilst faithfully promising yourself to reactivate your healthy, balanced lifestyle when the restrictions start to ease. The power to choose is ALL yours, and is at your fingertips. #DecisionsDecisions