Menopausal Hotties - Naughty AND Nice
The hottest topic in town: Menopausal Hotties...
This issue, we’re now just over the halfway point of the menopausal alphabet, and we turn our attention to the letter ‘N’.
Let’s have some fun here, as we will focus on the Naughty AND Nice sides of the menopause - believe it or Not, there IS a Nice list, if we let our fertile yet fog-laden imagination run amok on its many Nuances.
No, no, no, that’s Nonsense I hear you say… Come on hotties, let’s just roll with it for now. One thing we haven’t lost is our sense of humour. And we’ve already learnt (thanks to our Nasty yet Necessary hormones) just how adaptable to change we are. It’s time for us to start embracing the ‘New Normal’.
There are over 34 reported symptoms brought on by the effects of perimenopause and menopause.
Menopause is classed as 12 months after you’ve last menstruated, but the stage before that, on your journey to hottie-Narnia is called the perimenopause; this can last for years, triggered by declining estrogen hormone levels. It typically starts in our late 40s/early 50s, with the average age said to be 51.
This drop in hormones can impact your body and mind to varying degrees, however, there are several common frustrating symptoms many hotties report as negative experiences. We won’t list all 34 of them, but will highlight the most common ones.
To balance out some of the Negative effects of menopause I’d like to point out that it’s not all doom and gloom, so we will focus on some of the Nicer effects too.
Hold on to your (k)nickers hotties; here’s our Naughty and Nice list. You might want to turn it into a game of menopausal bingo as you check off your shared experiences, or come up with your own Naughty and Nice list.
Hot flushes. Probably one of the most frustrating symptoms, and often the first one women report. It’s like someone has turned the inner furnace on with no warning, forcing us to do the fandango.
Weight gain/ changing body shape. Oh my word, our metabolism seems to get hijacked overnight; it’s like the shape shifters have taken over our bodies.
Brain fog. Talk about being blindsided! Be prepared for this. Losing your train of thought, you’ll be derailed many times, so get those post-it notes ready - you’ll need them!
Moody blues. Life’s a roller coaster. One minute you’re laughing, the next you’re snappy followed by copious crying. You feel like you’re tiptoeing around everyone, including yourself! Nutty as a fruitcake?! Nope. Welcome to your ‘New Normal’. But don’t worry; take heart, it’s NOT forever!
No-sleep zone. Don’t even bother trying to count those sheep. Instead invest in a good book, or mindfulness app, and a super bedroom fan.
Night sweats. It’s time to do the nightly Hokey Cokey bed dance. You’ve got your left leg in, left leg out, in, out, in, out, you shake it all about...Hotties will know exactly what I’m talking about.
No sex please, we’re all good thanks! It’s no wonder our sex drive can dip for a while but it can also super charge it and return with a vengeance!
Memory loss. What was I doing? You’re ‘Nobody’s fool’, and yet...I know there was something important I had to do today! It’ll come back to me.
No filter. You can finally say what you have always wanted to say. All with good grace of course, naturally…
No more sanitary products = no more periods = no more sanitary expense nor messy menstrual cycles.
Memory loss. Yep, that’s us turning a (potential) Negative into a positive! Time to filter out and focus on what matters most; what you want to do rather than what's expected of you. Nature’s way of helping you to declutter the Numpties and Nonsense from your life!
Time to focus on You. It’s not called ‘men-on-pause’ for nothing you know. It’s your journey; be kind to yourself, pamper yourself, learn about the new you. Shine bright hotties and turn the spotlight on you for a change.
Hottie community. Network even! Bond over the journey; laugh, scream, learn, and cry together. Only another hottie can truly understand what you're going through. Sister we’ve got your back.
Chuck it in the f**k it bucket. Time to throw caution to the wind. Do what you enjoy, not what you feel you should. If you don’t like it, don’t do it.. If ‘they’ don’t like it, then chuck it in the f**k it bucket...Next!!
More sex please, I’m a hottie! No more periods or pregnancy to worry about. Self-assertiveness, knowing your body, with its heightened testosterone and lowered estrogen levels, can super charge your libido, liberate your sex life, leading to more Nooky! Was that a ‘yay’ or a ‘Nay’ I heard you cry?!
Love the new you. As our body shape, mindset and priorities change, it’s an opportunity to reshape your future in every way. Hottie - own your beautiful self and all that you are.
Hopefully you have a Naughty and Nice list. Start writing your own. Remember, there is always balance. You are beautiful in every way, inside and out..
No one puts hottie in the corner.
Nurture the Nymph that you are!
Love Julie x
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