Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
You’re all fired up this month with thoughts of cooler days and colder nights presenting themselves. For a budding fashionista this can mean only one thing - KNITWEAR!!! Oh yessss! It’s time to dig out the cozy knits, making sure that they have kept their shape, and not stretched from John O’Groats to Lands End - *that* just screams jumble sale reject sweetie! If your knitwear is not up to scratch, then a wooly mammoth shopping spree is in order, as we know all too well that the British weather leans more to the cold and rain, than it ever does to the hot and balmy. And you definitely get your money’s worth out of your autumn/winter wardrobe, than you ever do from your skimpy summer attire. It is with great sadness that the summer wear is relegated to the back of the wardrobe, unless you are part of the smug group who holiday in exotic locations all year round - not that we’re jealous - oh, who are we kidding? Of course we are jealous - doesn’t everyone dream of jetting off to sunnier climes while the UK is battered by yet ANOTHER silly named storm - and WHY are they always named after women?
There is an awful lot of weird anxiety building within you. The end of the summer has abruptly soured your mood and all thoughts of eating and drinking alfresco are but a dim and distant memory. Now all you have to look forward to is cold dark nights, rain macs, umbrellas and LOTS of layers of clothes to keep you warm - not to mention the ton of comfort food you are going to need in order to survive hibernation. Just look on the bright side sweetie - at least with all the layers of clothes that swamp your body nobody gets to see the spare tyre which will take up residence on your midriff until you burst out of your cocoon in early spring, when you start peeling the layers off and you go into panic mode, once again indulging in the most bizarre crash diets on earth. One day duckie you will stop the vicious cycle of binge/fast, but until then, make sure you have a kitchen stocked full of tasty healthy treats to sustain you through the cooler months, so you can emerge from your cocoon like the lean queen that you are, ready to embrace the spring/summer from a strong, stress-free foundation. It’s never too late to develop good habits.
You have everything you need for success - you just have to grab it by the balls and run with it! You have a sixth sense for style, where every outfit you choose has the ability to reduce mere mortal to tears as they lament their sartorial shortcomings; PLUS, you have a personality that has an inbuilt homing beacon, drawing people towards you ready to bask in your sheer fabulousness. Now you need to make sure that this spills over into your career and voila, you have the recipe for a sure-fire way to the top of whichever ladder you decide to climb! That heady combination of brains, beauty and determination have never looked so appealing to others, so use it to your advantage. Take EVERY opportunity you are given and use that to your advantage too. Every bit of valuable advice you get, store it in the vault of that smart head of yours, ready to use another day. ENJOY your journey to the top sweetie; we’ll save you a seat.
You can dish it out, but can you take it? We all know you can be a little judgemental when it comes to,shall we say, critiquing other people’s outfits. HOWEVER. when anyone dares to utter even the slightest slur against yours - no matter how big or small that slur might be - like fireworks, your rage erupts. You rant and rave like a mad women; and that’s so not a good look for you sweetie. You need to take a ‘chill pill’ and calm down before those frown lines are etched permanently into your skin, that not even the best botox doctor in the land could rescue you from. Fortunately for you there are a few things you can do. You could take up yoga and meditation/mindfulness; revamp your life and embrace your inner hippie! We hear there are lots of natural remedies on the market these days, including CBD oil which is made out of cannabis but not the hallucinogenic stuff in it! Or you could go the old-fashioned way and enjoy the occasional alcoholic tipple to help mellow you out. Just make sure you don’t go too far and turn into a lush - it’s so cliched, and plays havoc with your complexion dahhlings!
Last month’s confusion is giving way to this month’s clarity. Confused? Well sweetie, in a nutshell, August wasn’t quite what it was forecast to be weather wise - it should have been the hottest summer month of the year, but OH NO!!! Not in the UK. While the rest of Europe basked and baked in heatwaves, we here in good ol’ Blighty received the wettest August on record, except for the bank holiday where we had a brief interlude of hotness, which was soon cruelly and swiftly replaced with the standard sogginess we’ve come to know and - ahem - ‘love’! One minute you were sporting flood gear to keep dry - the next, stripped down semi-naked and hunting down the nearest fan to cool off like your life depended on it! Well at least now September has rocked in in its usual way - cool and drizzly… On the plus side, you at least know where you stand and are well prepared for the months ahead. It’s business as usual - waterproof jacket, a darling pashmina and your umbrella, which never strays too far away.
You feel an overwhelming urge to spend whatever surplus cash that just happens to be hanging around in your bank account; and what better way to spend it? The new autumn/winter fashion that has just dropped on the High Street and online. What are you waiting for sweetie? You’re under starter’s orders - so get ready and shop, shop, SHOP!!! There’s NOTHING more exciting than adding some fabulous hidden treasures that you have painstakingly discovered in your quest to boost your wardrobe to an elevated level. Now all that’s required is a sensible head - where you don’t put yourself in financial straits by exceeding your spending limits and ending up with a credit card bill which makes the national debt look like a drop in the ocean, and make Lady P look thrifty! That would mean even though you have a wardrobe to die for, nobody will see it, at as you won’t be able to afford to socialise to show it off!
This is an ambitious month for you in the fashion stakes. With all the new collections hitting the stores, it’s make or break on your fashionista credentials. Have you got what it takes to bag the most desirable goodies that are on offer? Or are you confined to the reserve bench where those who don’t quite make the mark sit? Well that’s up to you sweetie, and we have to say that nothing worth having ever comes easy. You need to be trawling the internet like your life depends on it - even putting in all-nighters in the hope you will stumble upon something unique, just off the beaten track where others might not know to look. That’s the mark of a true fashionista - discovering new talent and daring to wear what mere mortals wouldn’t dare to risk! Are you willing to take that risk and rise to the challenge? People will either mock you or copy you. We hope for your sake that it’s the latter?
There is no amount of caffeine that will help you navigate the month ahead if you continue to burn the candle at both ends! Pace yourself sweetie, pace yourself! The month is a marathon not a sprint, and you would be well advised to apply this theory to ALL aspects of your life. Don’t party too hard where you end up a quivering mess on the floor - or even worse - become the talk of social media for the rest of the month! and don’t blow all your hard earned cash the first week after payday on clothes and accessories, or you may end up alone on the sofa for the rest of the month, Pot Noodle in hand, lamenting that you are too tired and too skint to wear your new clobber to party the night away. That is quite a depressing thought so make this your little mantra - forewarned is forearmed and for the love of fashion (and your finances!), please heed this warning and have yourself a great month - enjoy shopping, enjoy socialising and enjoy partying. #PaceDontRace
Climactic! This word totally sums up the month ahead. It may start off slow and boring - you may even feel quite lethargic and have that ‘I can’t be bothered’ attitude - but hang on in there sweetie, because as the month progresses, so will your opportunities. Now that the little anklebiters are back in school, everyone starts to feel that blanket of dread fall from their shoulders. They discover they can now smile at the thought of having at least a few free hours a week in which they can indulge themself - and indulge they shall! You will suddenly find your inbox filling up with lots of invitations to brunch, lunch, dinner, cocktails, parties, raves - whatever floats your boat! In fact with these plentiful invites comes the obvious task of having a fabulous wardrobe to wear to these little ‘shindigs’; so enjoy the calm before the storm, because when it hits - and hit it will - it will be a whirlwind of activity that quite frankly would leave the greatest of party animals knackered and in need of a long stay at a retreat or spa (or whatever they call themselves these days) in order to - let’s put this diplomatically - regain a healthy control of the body again!
Things are improving rapidly in your life and so it’s time to pop the corks and celebrate. For far too long you have dragged yourself from one month to another in the vague hope of life treating you well and giving you opportunities to make it better. FINALLY, this has happened! So sweetie, take the bull by the proverbial horns and run with it as fast as you can. It’s time to take risks in every aspect of your life. Opportunities at work? Then go for them. Wanting to dip your toe back into the dating pool? Just go for it - remember you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/princess. Looking to change your image then HOLD YOUR HORSES sweetie!!! This is not the time to try out purple hair or any other radical restyle for that matter - whoever told you that you could carry off the ‘bald babe’ look was taking the p*ss! This is the one area where you proceed with caution. Baby steps darling, baby steps. Let’s not go OTT in one go - don’t do something which might render you totally reliant on wigs for the foreseeable - the good ones don’t come cheap!!!
You’ve been a little bit out of sorts lately and now is the time to re-enter the world of the living and regain your fashionista credentials. Oh how others have rejoiced at your retreat from your social circle as it’s given them the chance to shine; but guess what people? the bi*ch is back in town and ready to regain her crown. Hell yes!!! You may have had a recent lull, but here’s a note to enquiring minds; you’ve rested your mind, body and soul, restoring that brilliant brain to its full power, ready to take over the fashion world once more. So look out world, here you come!!! With renewed energy you can hit the shopping trails and malls with gusto - hunting high and low for the most delectable of outfits to enthrall and appall people in equal measure! Well you can’t please everyone, and who wants to anyway? It would be a pretty boring world if we all liked and wore the same stuff! Your fashion brilliance will excel once more and you shall be the toast of the town.
Are you ready to discover a new you? The answer to that question should be a resounding “YES!” If not sweetie. then you really need to go back to living under a rock and don’t come out again. A tad harsh you reckon? Well anybody not wanting to embrace change and new challenges gives us the shivers - what’s up with you duckie? ANYHOW, back to those of you who want more out of this one precious fabulous life we have been gifted. It’s time to throw off your shackles and declare this a new chapter of your life. It’s time to be more adventurous - try things you never would ordinarily. Visit places you have only ever dreamed of. Strive for a fulfilling work life. Grab every opportunity you can to shine and live life to its full. Just make sure you do this whilst looking absolutely fabulous and all done in the most best possible taste - after all - how can you be expected to succeed in life when you don’t look like the star that you are! Dress to impress darlings. This is not a rehearsal. Repeat after us, “dress to impress!” You won’t go far wrong in life when you look the part AND act the part!