March 2019

Menopausal Hotties - Am I perimenopausal?

The hottest topic in town: Menopausal Hotties...

menopausal hotties port

Am I perimenopausal?

“Peri or not Peri, that is the question”, and no, we’re not referring to a well known chicken sauce...although they have the same effect and make you hot, just one is more pleasurable than the other. No prizes for guessing which...

What is perimenopause?

It typically begins a few years before menopause (when the ovaries gradually make less estrogen) and lasts up until menopause (when the ovaries stop releasing eggs). In the last 1-2 years of perimenopause, the drop in estrogen quickens. This is when many women report menopause symptoms.

If you think you’re ‘peri’ but not quite sure, then get ready to embrace your inner super sleuth (another hottie super power), because you’ll need to be your own detective, a bit like Sherlock Holmes (or Shirley Holmes!) searching high and low for clues, with only brain fog (and no Dr Watson) to assist you with your ‘estrogenic endeavours’!.

Flexing our hormonal, Holmes-like sleuthing powers, it’s time to do some extensive research courtesy of the internet, other fellow hotties, magazines, your own body’s intuition and so forth. You get the picture?!

Being perimenopausal can be a distressing time with a huge catalogue of symptoms causing confusion, which comes and goes like a fickle friend, or a man having a midlife crisis...crisis my arse!! Oh dear. WTF was that? A peri anger surge? Phew, it’s ok, it’s gone now, all blown over, love and light to all etc etc...Bollocks to all that. Hugs, no. I meant hugs.

There are over 34, yes 34, you read that right, you’re not delusional, over 34 reported symptoms associated with perimenopause.

Doctors will rarely offer blood tests for this anymore (as recommended by UK NICE guidelines) as these can be inaccurate, due to constant fluctuating hormone levels (tell me about it!), fluctuating even at an hourly rate, making such blood tests unreliable and inconclusive. You are more likely to be diagnosed, or treated, by the symptoms you present with, than diagnosis from a blood test.

The average age of women having their final period is 51. However, the perimenopause can start in your 40s, averaging around 46 years old, with the first signs of perimenopause.

It’s not surprising that this can be one of the most confusing (another symptom) times for many women (and potentially those around you).

How frustrating as this is the age when we would not unreasonably expect to be celebrating our independent foxy selves, with maybe more freedom and some financial flexibility.

Let’s examine the evidence. Sherlock/Shirley you may want to get your magnifying glass out at this point (if you can remember where you put it - memory loss is another symptom…) Below are some of the many reported perimenopausal symptoms.

**A word or two of warning** Unlike our sleep patterns, the list is long…be mindful, you don’t have to have all of the symptoms, and not all symptoms affect all women. Although you may recognise a few; if so, you could be perimenopausal or heading towards it. Being in denial won’t stop Mother Nature in her tracks, but don’t worry hotties, you’re not alone. And there are some great remedies out there to help manage the symptoms.

Are you sitting comfortably? Let’s go search for some ‘peri’ clues.

  • Hot Flushes
  • Night Sweats
  • Confusion
  • Anxiety
  • Palpitations
  • Weight gain
  • Bloating (especially around the belly)
  • Libido changes
  • Migraines/headaches
  • Irritability
  • Depression
  • Insomnia

That enough for you? Bloody hell, isn’t that enough? No joke. There’s more...

  • Stress bladder issues
  • Lack of concentration
  • Irregular periods
  • Bowel fluctuations
  • Feeling unvalued
  • Mood swings (it’s not me, it’s my hormones, honestly...)
  • Fatigue
  • Joint muscle aches and pains
  • Memory impairment
  • Vagina dryness
  • Bladder infections
  • Restlessness

Read enough yet?! I’m sorry to say that there are more, but I think you get the picture and are more than capable of further investigation yourself.

It’s a blinking minefield for sure. Watch out for those potential booby traps (hello (again) breast tenderness…), which can catch us off guard and throw us off balance. However, thanks to our super detecting powers, the support of good friends and fellow hotties, we can at least arm ourselves with the knowledge to fight this perimenopausal phase which can take our hormones hostage.

Far better that we inform ourselves, and get the menopause big guns out, use those handcuffs (sorry I mean handbags #FreudianSlip) and take control, because you do have the superpowers and knowledge to tame or at least navigate your way through the peri and liberate yourself.

There are a myriad of resources out there which can help you and to manage your symptoms. Being aware and informed are probably the most potent of our superpowers. Education for those close to you is a total bonus, so don’t be shy and share your findings.

So Sherlock, my dear super sleuth: investigate, evaluate the evidence, present your case and deliver your conclusion.

“Hey Dr Watson, I do believe we’ve cracked the case and got it. Or have we? Yes? No? Yes? (self doubt another symptom). What’s that you say Watson? F*ck me. I’m so confused! no sh*t Sherlock!!!

Knowledge is queen, even if it might be unpalatable and sucks. Your hottie superpowers have just increased tenfold. There is no end to our abilities my fellow hotties. As always, we are hot to trot.

Stay cool. And if you can’t be cool, be smokin’ hot!!




Tags: Menopausal Hotties