Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
You are allowed to take a break from work occasionally, especially when you are running on empty. You are of no use to man nor beast when in this mode, so it’s safe to say a break is required. Some ‘you time’. A chance to recharge the batteries and give yourself some much needed TLC. There are many options available to you depending on your budget. Maybe a cheeky spa weekend where you get to indulge your body and mind in massage and wellbeing. A city break - where shopping becomes the main event - and nothing revitalises you quite like the excitement of shopping and creating a new wardrobe. Or the crème de la crème of breaks - a trip to some exotic island where you can bask in the sun, sipping cocktails on a powdery white beach, watching the turquoise water gently breaking on the sand, wearing the most delicious jewelled kaftan, looking and acting like the queen that you are - not to mention the million and one selfies you have posted on social media to remind your subjects just how fabulous you are! #ItsAllAboutMe
If you see something you like you don’t always have to buy it sweetie. It is reasonable to act with a teeny, tiny bit of restraint on occasion, otherwise you are going to go bankrupt, go homeless and hungry, or get buried alive under an enormous mountain of clothes and accessories you’ve hoarded over the years. Death by couture may seem quite fashionable in this day and age but that only applies if you shop on Bond Street darlings! Remember, quality not quantity matters and if it is likely to fall apart, change sizes or lose parts after just one cycle in the washing machine, then it’s safe to steer clear, give it a wide berth, or, for the love of god, don’t be so bloody stupid wasting your money on something Del Boy would be selling in Peckham market! Only fools and (clothes) horses...
Keep your cards close to your chest this month, especially if you have an important event on the horizon and looking to showcase the most spectacular of outfits. You daren’t risk throwing the mother of all tantrums should you be upstaged by anyone! If anyone dares to ask a seasoned fashionista veteran like you “what are you going to be wearing?” a swift withering death stare you’ve perfected over the years should stop them in their tracks. How very dare they?! The chances are sweetie that no-one could possibly turn up looking as ravishing, fabulous and utterly unique as you do. They haven’t devoted their every waking hour to studying fashion at the highest level, nor are they willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING in pursuit of that one outfit, which is so perfect in every possible way that it brings tears to the eyes (and not just because of the cost and effort!) rendering people speechless. Let’s hope that’s in a good way and not people having a laugh at your expense!
In the words of Finding Nemo’s Dory, keep on swimming, keep on swimming. Whatever journey you’re on, keep up the momentum. Whether that be losing weight (why can’t junk food have the same calorie content as salad?); keeping up with a fitness regime (why is liposuction so dangerous and expensive?); saving for a big holiday, or any big spend for that matter - even if others think saving for handbags and shoes is an insignificant, ridiculous waste of time and money - who the hell are they to judge what you spend your hard earned cash on? Anyway back to the inspirational phrase from Dory...If you persevere and keep plugging away you WILL achieve your goal. And just imagine how rewarding it will be when you do eventually get there? PLUS you get to celebrate in style with a bucket load of the bubbly stuff or whatever tipple tickles your fancy!
There is strength in numbers, blah blah. And when hunting for that special outfit, surely two pairs of eyes are better than one? Or three pairs of feet cover three times more ground? Or the more the merrier? Pfffft! Who the hell are you kidding sweetie?! When shopping for clothes and accessories you don’t want anyone present! Why would you?! When they could steal your thunder with an outfit superior to the one they helped you purchase, daring to look more fashionable and possibly, dare we say it, trying to dethrone you as the queen of fashion? Shock and horror courses through your veins at the very thought! So a word to the wise. Keep shopping a strictly solo affair and the only time you engage with other humans, is for a celebratory cocktail onced you bagged your precious wares and they are strategically hidden from prying eyes. #MyFashionistaPowersAreNotForSharing
Holding a grudge? Then it’s time to let go. All these negative feelings are completely draining and keeping you away from your main focus in life: FASHION SHOPPING!!! If you are dwelling on a petty feud or some idle chitter chatter you’ve overheard, put it in the memory bank box and lock it away until a time when it could need revisiting. HOWEVER, if it is a gross betrayal of trust… well then sweetie, there’s only one thing for it. Full-on war! Let battle commence and unleash your (not-so) inner diva - after all, no-one does a confrontation quite like you. And just think of planning all those kick-ass outfits to give you the upper hand and feel like you mean business. You will take no prisoners and no BS. You are a woman on a mission, and that mission is to annihilate any and all enemies of the ‘fashionista’. Buckle up buttercup! #FashionIsNotAGameYouKnow
Prepare to play the guessing game this month. Will it rain, won’t it? Will it snow, won’t it? Will we melt in the hot spring sun or freeze in its howling winds? Spring is an unpredictable season at the best of times, but lately the British weather is nothing short of bonkers. On top of not knowing what to wear, we also have the worry of catching a stinking cold with the fast changing pace of the weather. That means stocking up on Lemsip, throat lozenges, a king size box of tissues, Vicks Vapour Rub and any other cold paraphernalia we can get our hands on - not that we’re hypochondriacs in any way, oh no! Like the Brownie Motto says, ‘Be Prepared! Once the first aid kit is well stocked, only then, can ‘Operation stop-me-getting-a-shiny-red nose’ commence! It’s never a good look sweetie, unless your name is Rudolph! And who wants a red nose clashing with their red lippy!?
Get creative with your cash flow this month. Think outside the box. If you can’t afford to eat out at restaurants, invite your friends over - either cook a meal or order in a takeaway - get them to bring a bottle and a good night will be had by all. If you can’t afford the cinema - indulge in a little Netflix and a giant bag of sweeties - you don’t even have to get dressed or get up off the sofa for that matter! And if you can’t afford to splurge on new wardrobe pieces, simply lose yourself in a ton of chocolate and champagne - hopefully your budget can stretch to Hotel Chocolat and Moët & Chandon, if not then you’ll have to dial down your expectations and deploy your modest budget on some supermarket own-brand chocs and Cava, then toast the fact that no-one can see you in your hour of need and desperation. However, needs must and there is no way you can face the thought of no shopping - even if it is only contenting yourself with some online browsing until payday - without the emotional support of refined sugar and fermented grapes! #DesperationDoesNotLookGoodOnAnyone
Organise your work life this month. Make it a priority. You want to present a certain image to the world, look like you mean business, that you know what you’re doing and that you are confident and knowledgeable about what you do. All of that begins with your image. If you look like a complete trainwreck when you turn up for work, well sweetie people are going to interpret that you are also a professional shambles and give you a wide berth. Who wants advice from someone who looks like they got ready in the dark or dusted off the contents of their laundry basket?! Soooo not a good look. You need a wardrobe which screams capable, trustworthy, hardworking, ambitious and oh-so-ready to take on the world. Think 80s power suits, blazers, tailored clothes, shoes and handbags that make a statement. Complete your transformation with well-groomed hair and perfectly applied ‘barely-there’ makeup. Dress for the job you want, not for the job that you have!
It’s wardrobe overhaul/upgrade month and there’s not a moment to lose. Spring is in the air and brings with it some hopefully milder weather. This usually means having to wear less and/or lighter clothing. A quick fashionista newsflash to the inexperienced out there - by less we don’t mean flashing the flesh in next to nothing; and lighter doesn’t equate to paler shades. Spring is all about layering your clothes. It’s a time to cast off the bulky coats, stash away the faux fur, relegate the earmuffs to the back of the wardrobe, and embrace the milder weather. We’re thinking, stylish macs, lightweight jackets and beautiful knitwear. With all these in mind, you will need to appraise your wardrobe for said pieces and shop accordingly. And make sure sweetie that with all the sorting, planning and shopping you’re engrossed in, that you set aside enough time to celebrate your sartorial achievements with some well earned treats. We highly recommend indulging in some chocolate eggs - they’re absolutely everywhere we look and why wait until Easter - it would be rude not to!
It’s clean up time! Every aspect of your life needs the cobwebs to be dusted off it and polished until it is gleaming again. Life has got on top of you, with the resulting stress building up, leaving you mentally and physically exhausted. Well sweetie, NOW is the time to get your life back on track and pre-‘BAACTO’ (before alcohol and chocolate took over!) A detox is needed pronto and there’s not a minute to lose. Clear out those cupboards, including your secret stash’s hiding place - either throw out the contraband or donate to a worthy cause/friend in need. Once this dastardly deed is done you can pick up the pieces of your life and improve them with a clear mind, conscience and tummy come to that. Just think of (and focus on) the added benefits of not consuming these naughty treats on a daily basis. YES, weight loss!!! Visualise the time when you can once again fit into those clothes that have been hanging in your wardrobe for what seems like an eternity. And a heck of a lot cheaper than buying a whole new wardrobe. You can do it. Think of the pounds you’ll lose, and the ££pounds (sterling) you’ll save!!
There’s no way around this weather. Honestly sweetie, it doesn’t know what it’s doing from one day to the next. We have been bouncing between glorious sunshine and record breaking temperatures, tempestuous storms with 80 mph winds, with a more than generous smattering of hailstones thrown in for good measure. WHAT ARE THE WEATHER GODS UP TO? And what is a girl to wear? The fearless fashionista has an answer to every meteorological dilemma and will always have a raincoat, umbrella, stylish hat and scarf on standby. She is the master of the quick change, readily adapting to any situation which arises. So batten down the hatches and get you and your wardrobe braced for the elements. This should be a joy not a chore! As a visit to your special happy place (wardrobe) to view your wonderful eclectic collection evokes feelings which, quite frankly, can only be topped by repeating the whole scenario, but with a large cold glass of bubbles in your hand. Enjoy all that you see before you. Tho’ go easy on the bubbles dahhhlings, you don’t want to be seeing double!