Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Buckle up and knuckle down to get your lifestyle on track NOW! Need to lose weight before the summer to feel amazing in your swimwear? Well darlings, the process needs to start NOW and not the month before you go on your hard earned holiday - not unless you have a cunning plan to have large quantities of flesh magically removed by the weight loss fairies. Newsflash sweetie - THEY DON’T EXIST!!! Unfortunately for us mere mortals we need to lose weight the hard - but tried and tested - way - although it requires an extreme amount of willpower you know in your heart of hearts that the only thing that works is to EAT LESS - MOVE MORE. Take it from us - it really is that simple and you are only fooling yourself and wasting precious money (that could be spent on fashion by the way), on purchasing silly weight loss shakes/supplements or pills that only do one thing - have you chained to the loo AND that is so NOT a good look for a fashionista! Not even a punk one!
Money, money, money. Spend, spend, spend. That’s all that’s on your mind this month as the new seasonal fashions hit the stores. You may not be able to wear them just yet as the weather will not allow it, HOWEVER, such trifling details are not going to stop you! Oh no! Your thinking is “if you don’t snap it up now, then somebody else will”, and in all reality, just how disappointed will you be? We can just picture the scene sweetie. You looking forlorn, sat on your sofa, alone, nursing a large G&T, tears rolling down your cheek, lamenting your hesitation! So let this be a warning to you! If you want it and have the money to get it, then make sure you damn well get it. You don’t want to feel like a failure - you had your eyes on the prize with that perfect outfit within your grasp; and then, in a moment of temporary insanity and tardiness, you lost it. Make sure that NEVER happens to you! It’s only the second mouse which catches the cheese...
You are a social butterfly this month, flitting from one event to another, showing off your fashion skills and party animal status with aplomb. You are well deserving of the ‘Miss Popular’ accolade that has been so lovingly bestowed upon you by your peers; and it’s a title you won’t relinquish without a fight. After all you are popular, fabulous, the life and soul of the party and an asset to any event you deem worthy of your attendance. Just be careful not to spread yourself too thin as you want to remain popular and not be the butt of jokes suggesting you’d turn up to the opening of an envelope or crisp packet... That would be disastrous and could quite possibly put you in the same social bracket as the ‘Z List’ - no names mentioned, but you know who they are! So sweetie - to summarise: Yes it’s okay to party - just not all the time, or people might begin to question whether you have a problem that requires a little trip to The Priory.
Give people what they want - you! In all your fashionista glory. Shining brighter than the sun, more twinkly than the stars and more colourful than any rainbow. Your aura is pulsating so hard it can be seen (and heard) from miles away and people will want to bask in your glory. Drink it in sweetie. This is the moment you have worked so hard for. It is what you have strived for years to achieve - as far back as those innocent childhood days when you were a budding fashionista, experimenting with looks that sometimes went disastrously wrong, but on the whole were bang on the money and led on to the path of your destiny. This is the month to celebrate that achievement - and celebrate you shall - in style! February is a short month, so spending a significant portion of your wages on bubbles is allowed - the struggle to reach payday will be far less of a hardship compared to the other longer months. Enjoy darling!
Everywhere you turn, someone will be clamoring to join forces with you, in the hope that they will learn and gain fashion knowledge from you, and then, to eventually emulate you. Whether you allow this to happen is totally up to you! Do you want to share your fashion prowess - give up secrets and impart your wisdom on the less fortunate? Or do you want to keep all your fabulousness and genius in the art of looking spectacular to yourself? Decisions, decisions!!! Do not take making this decision lightly. It needs to be pondered over; and may we suggest taking yourself off on a nice spa weekend - on your own, where you can relax, with no distractions apart from the odd massage, washed down with a fortifying glass of fizz, which all helps towards total relaxation of body and mind needed in order to make this huge life-changing decision. Best of British luck sweetie!!!
Are you someone who is spending this month lamenting the failure of your New Year’s resolutions? If so then pull yourself together, build a bridge and get the hell over it! Who can honestly say that they have religiously stuck to them? Really? REALLY? No fibbing allowed sweetie!!! Life is a journey and you can’t possible hope to be instantly beamed to your destination - after all, Star Trek, teleporting, Doctor Who and the Tardis are (sadly) fiction darlings. But so long as you try and be an improved version of yourself, then you will continue to grow and flourish, and the journey will be far more interesting and rewarding. WOW that was pretty deep for us fashion gods...So to end this bit of life-altering advice with some fluffy fashionista wisdom...we strongly suggest you plan a fabulous wardrobe to accompany you on this long journey, with lots of shopping trips and decadent parties along the way. Job done!!!
Are you raising the bar high enough? Do you want to lead a mediocre life? We thought not! It’s time to shake off the winter blues and start planning a social calendar that will be the envy of all your friends. And with a full social calendar, you’ll need a full and fabulous wardrobe! This is where you come into your own sweetie. You are one savvy shopper and manage to pull out something beautiful and unique from the abysmal abyss that is the end of season sale racks - usually crammed full of last year’s leftover tat that nobody wanted then or now. This natural instinct of yours to find that needle in the haystack, that diamond among the rocks, is a god-given gift which you should use at every given opportunity to nail that killer outfit which showcases your stylish personality and maintains your hard-won fashionista status.
You’ve got an awful lot going on behind the scenes this month, however, you are a fashionista and even if your life is falling apart at the seams, your outfit most definitely isn’t! Even if the end of the world was on the horizon, your outfit would still be on point and you would be ready to meet your maker whilst dressed in your best, looking fabulous darling! So be prepared for this trying ‘transitioning-between-the-seasons’ month by adopting the British stiff upper lip whilst sporting an ensemble of wonderful outfits, some killer heels, lashings of red lipstick and a ginormous bottle of gin, (strictly for medicinal purposes - calms the nerves - soothes the throat - plus the ‘ice and a slice’ helps with your hydration and ‘five a day’ - we’re all about staying healthy. Please quaff responsibly!) Best Jimmy Choos forward and all that sweetie - and everything will turn out fine. Trust us on this.
There comes a time when you need to save. To you this is an alien concept as you are more of the ‘don’t put off until tomorrow what you can buy today’ kind of gal. And if you have the cash, you like, nay LOVE, to splash! But now it’s time to be a grown up and behave responsibly. Stop yawning and pay attention. The next time you visit the bank, please resist the urge to withdraw cash. Instead, take a deep breath, open up a savings account and set up a direct debit to pay money in to it every month. This nest egg will steadily build up and, should there be an emergency, you desperately need a new handbag and/or shoes to complete and perfect your outfit then you have the means to buy them - and you won’t have to rob a bank or live off baked beans for the year to afford them. Life will often throw you a curved ball - be like a good girl guide and be prepared for any eventuality. Now go toast your flair for fashion and finance!
Better late than never is the mantra you need to adopt for this month; even though you faithfully promised to eat healthily at the start of the year to fit into all those gorgeous summer clothes you bought with your Christmas gift vouchers in anticipation of your beach holiday. Well it’s safe to say that that notion fell to the wayside as you dived headfirst into the leftover chocolates, sweets and the cheese board - AND the alcohol stash; even though it would easily keep until the end of the year, you told/convinced yourself that it ALL needed to be gone to before the ‘diet’ could start. Sweetie - it’s time to step away from the cr*p, embrace the vegetables and a bit more ‘clean living’ before it’s too late and the only thing you’ll be wearing this summer are voluminous kaftans to disguise the spare tyre that is refusing to budge from your midriff.
Are you ready for a makeover? It’s a good time to take the plunge. Spring is around the corner and so a new season of clothes is ready to be unleashed on the public, not to mention all the new makeup colour pallets - just waiting to be experimented with. It can be exciting to overhaul your look and to try things you would never usually wear. Just a small caution from us fashion gods: When shopping with ‘the girls’ do NOT go for cocktails first; unless you want to end up more than a tad tipsy, make ridiculous/expensive purchases or, even worse, head to the nearest hair salon and have a radical haircut that can only be salvaged with a wig! REMEMBER...Makeup can be washed off; clothes and accessories can be returned; whereas hair - once it’s gone, it takes a bloody long time to grow back or a HUGE investment in hair extensions!
Did Cupid pay you a visit this month? Did he cast a love spell over you? Have you fallen in love? And no we are not talking about whether or not you have a potential new suitor. We are talking about Fashion Week - the most important time of the year when us fashionistas fall hopelessly head over heels in love with the latest collections, provocatively sashaying down the runway - enticing us to part with silly amounts of money as we are seduced by the latest creations courtesy of the greatest loves of our lives - fashion designers. Oh how we worship at the altar of the catwalk - drinking in the lustrous fabrics - giddy at the thought of owning something so fabulous that it takes our breath away. And then reality hits - it’s all a pipe dream and that Cupid is a little sh*t who doesn’t play fair - there’s no way we could carry off those looks on our local high street, not unless we want to look completely bonkers. Does that straitjacket come in black? If not, why not?!