Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
We should be advising you that your household needs needs cleaning and organising etc, etc. HOWEVER, who the hell wants to clean when there are places to visit, cocktails to be sipped, holidays to prep for, or, if you have recently returned, (more) holidays to book! Darling - take the bull by the horns, or as a Leo, take the lion by the mane, and invest in a cleaner! This one act of self kindness will single-handedly be the most fabulous decision and best investment you will ever make. TRUST US! With all those pesky cleaning jobs delegated to someone who actually wants to do it - this will leave you with plenty of time for fun and frolics, and dedicating A LOT more time to YOU sweetie. That’s more time which can be spent on looking fabulous and feeling fabulous. We can see it now - a future filled with shopping sprees, spa days, pampering at the beauty parlour and hair salon - lunch with the ladies and no more will you look bedraggled, hot and sweaty, with a mop in hand - not a good look for you lovely… #CleanlinessIsNextToFabulousness
It’s important to throw yourself into whatever it seems to be that’s floating your boat this month. Please do not be half hearted in your endeavours - it’s pitiful and bloody frustrating for anybody witnessing your feeble efforts - so DON’T do it. You need to muster up lots of enthusiasm and hit the ground running - and may we suggest some fabulous neon running gear. It’s all the rage sweetie and almost everyone looks good in it (that’s us fashion gods being encouraging and diplomatic - we don’t like to offend everyone you know - just the select few!). Anyhow - back to the advice sweetie. When appropriately attired and feeling rather fabulous, you will my dear be able to conquer the world and whatever crap the month decides to throw at you! Just imagine being tasked to cope with a problem whilst looking and feeling drab - we just shudder at the thought darling and so should you. It’s an important (life) lesson to learn. #LookGoodFeelGood
The intensity of your energy will be felt by everyone who comes into close proximity to you. You are on fire sweetie - and we’re not talking sunburn! Nobody can put these flames out. Just as well, as you’ve long forgotten about the brolly and mac you stashed in the back of the wardrobe several weeks ago, and if anyone were to dare rain on your parade, you’d be more than an eligible candidate for Miss Wet T-Shirt 2019. Now let’s make this abundantly clear missy: there are absolutely NO reasonable excuses as to why any self-respecting woman would want to enter such a competition. In fact, the only competition in this genre that you should be contemplating is Best Fashionista 2019. And if we need to hammer home the point any more, the only people who need to see your nipples, if at all, are: your partner, your doctor (if the need arises), your bra fitter, (there’s nothing worse than an ill-fitting bra), and/or your baby (if you are breastfeeding!)
It’s easy to become fixated about holidays this month as everyone seems to be jetting off somewhere exotic except poor old you. Well sweetie, you can either shut up and put up (nobody needs negative Nelly pointing out the negatives of foreign travel - food poisoning anyone?!) or, put on your big girl pants, stop sulking and DO something about it. Try hot footing it to the nearest travel agents and bagging yourself a last minute bargain! Then the frantic search begins to find the perfect beachwear and not get landed with the naff leftovers from the summer sales! The ultimate fashion sin being mismatched bikinis - whoever said they were fashionable was lying to you darling! They are actually the same people who ended up with the summer sales leftovers, and then tried to spin their ‘sale fail’ into a ‘fashion thing’. It’s NEVER going to happen people - believe us - NOT EVER! No matter how you try to spin it and dress it up, you will still look like; a) You got dressed in the dark, or b)You lost half your holiday luggage and your friends are lending you random spares!
This month is all about reaching personal goals and we are huge advocates of this. It’s always good to strive for something, whether that be trying to lose weight after having squeezed into a beloved ‘foolproof’ outfit which has served you well in the past, but now highlights your new ‘jelly belly’; or you could be saving for that much lusted after, designer handbag that you just have to have for no other reason than it will make you sleep better at night, or just BECAUSE… We totally understand sweetie. When it comes to fashion, there is no logic as to why we want certain items - it’s a ‘fashion thing’, so just roll with it. You could also be coveting some exotic trip, and they do say travel broadens the mind, not to mention all those fabulous (yet boring and predictable) selfies you can clutter up Instagram with, you know the ones - cocktail in hand, sitting on a fallen tree, looking wistfully out to sea, balancing on the end of a cliff, the ubiquitous ‘hot dog legs’... We could go on and on, but if we do, we will most certainly lose the will to live! ANYHOW, you catch our drift sweetie?! Pick a goal and go for it.
You know how talented and capable you are, so why the hell aren’t you showing off your stellar skills to the world?! Nobody can rock an outfit like you and for that matter nobody has a wardrobe as enviable as you - so strut your stuff and show everyone what a fashion genius you are. To all the ‘influencers’ (and oh how we loathe that term - what a pathetic excuse people are using for a ‘career’ these days - get a real job, in the real world. Shall stop ranting now before our blood pressure goes off the scale!), move over darlings - there’s a new fashion star in town! Putting together an awe-inspiring outfit comes as naturally to you as breathing, so stop hiding your light under a bushel, so to speak - explode onto the fashion scene with aplomb and wait for the adulation you truly deserve. It may also result in some lucrative job offers and who knows where that path may lead to? Onwards and upwards - grab every opportunity - carpe diem - seize the day sweetie - you are destined for great things.
Love is in the air Aquarius and good vibes are all around you - it’s summer and you just have that wonderful sunny feeling bursting out of you. It gives you that little extra get up and go needed to navigate your hectic summer schedule, what with weekends away, weddings, parties and your big summer trip all being squeezed into a short few weeks. Well sweetie, there’s no time to waste - you need to plan big time what you are going to be wearing for each and every occasion; and that my darling is one hell of a task to undertake. The wardrobe needs to be emptied in order to inspect EVERY item in it, and then either cast it back to Narnia or put on the ‘maybe pile’. Once this arduous task is over you need to survey your pile with a highly critical eye and decide if they pass the test, need to be replaced/updated, or if you’re brutally honest, you just want something new, just because…in which case you need to hit the iPad or shops pronto!!! #LifeIsTooShortToWearTheSameOutfitTwice
You’re after money and lots of it! Well sweetie, unfortunately there’s no money tree at the end of the garden and so you have limited options. A bank job is almost impossible to pull off so let’s get in the real world. Our suggestions include car boot sales, which is a great way to spring clean your house, offloading all your trash, which is another (wo)man’s treasure, and earn some money in the process. Set up your own Ebay/Etsy store and sell your unused and unwanted clothes - this can prove to be a long drawn out affair with endless Post Office visits, lots of wrapping, packing and taking a ridiculous amount of photos - well you have to make sure your clothes look their best - good lighting, flattering positions and all that! Or you could offer yourself up for scientific/medical trials - however, this could prove to be a little bit risky and if you end up not quite looking like your normal self when the trials are over then that’s really not good value for money is it?! Realistically sweetie, you’re going to fare better by either asking your boss for a raise or overtime, or find yourself a part time job.
This month will be as predictable as the British weather and we all know what a clusterf*ck that is! Here in the UK it is not unknown for us to experience all four seasons in one day, and that my little cherub, is how this month is going to go for you - so be warned. If your day is going well - expect the unexpected - if it’s the worst day ever, don’t be shocked it it takes a turn for the better and produces something wonderfully monumental. Our point is - even when you hit an all time low, like exiting the loo with your skirt tucked in your knickers - there’s potentially a silver lining - your fabulous derrière could be spotted by a casting agent looking for the perfect butt to show off the latest lingerie! There’s always an opportunity to turn even the toughest of times into something memorable that you will laugh at - eventually!!! Remember that line from Forrest Gump, “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’ll get”. Well that sweetie is this month for you in a nutshell. So standby to reframe your day, and turn that frown upside down!
Your dream zone is full of fabulous items for the Autumn/Winter ranges that have just entered your inbox courtesy of your favourite stores, vying for your attention, trying to tempt you to part with your hard earned cash. Do the wise thing sweetie and add them to your wish list, mull them over for 24 hours (no-more ,no less), and if, after that cooling off period, you feel that you can’t live without them, then for the love of Karl (Lagerfeld), add to shopping cart, proceed to checkout and get them in your wardrobe pronto, ready to wear when the time comes. We know that Autumn/Winter seems a long way off BUT we must stress that it is only a few short weeks away; you don’t want to revisit your wish list several weeks later, only to find that those prized possessions are now SOLD OUT!!! That could be a severe shock to the system, sending you into a spiral of depression, from which you may never recover. Especially when you see someone else wearing it and they look incredible - that’s a really bitter pill to swallow.
Your creativity is beginning to pay off beautifully, along with the effortlessness you throw an outfit together; your sterling sartorial efforts are starting to garner admiration from friends, family, colleagues and even strangers, who stop to ask where your outfit is from. Enjoy the adulation and gain even more confidence from it, as this will inspire you to go bigger, bolder and more daring with your fashion creations. But beware - try not to get over confident to the point where you think you are the greatest thing since Coco Chanel to hit the fashion scene, as this may result in a large ego and enormous head - and that sweetie makes it very difficult to carry off headwear with aplomb - which everyone knows is a fashionista’s secret weapon. Not everyone can rock head feathers darling - most end up looking like a peacock is nesting in their updo! Don’t be a ‘Humpty’ - nobody likes a bighead!!!
People can’t get enough of the vibes you are giving out - your energy and enthusiasm are contagious and you are a joy to be around. Bottle those feelings for a rainy day when you are not feeling in such an ‘all singing, all dancing’ mode. Then take a long drink to restore those good vibes again. But back to this month and ‘you’ in your ‘WOW mode’. Everything you touch seems to turns to gold - a tame looking ensemble turns into a fashion triumph; a shopping trip to the sales yields hidden treasure that mere mortals would never find in a month of Sundays. A few ingredients thrown together and you deliver a meal worthy of a Michelin star chef. And so the list goes on... When you’re on fire sweetie no-one can stop you from excelling and reaching heights that others can only dream of - so put that magic to good use this month and get your ‘groove on’. Throw a dinner party, go shopping, find a new hobby, attend as many events as you can and sprinkle that pixie dust over everyone and everything you come into contact with.