Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Should you stay or should you go? That is the dilemma you are confronted with this month when you are offered a work promotion. It’s a huge decision that needs to be made wisely. Are you happy in your current job, or do you feel the time is right to spread your wings and try something new? Do you like the people you work with, or do they annoy you to the point of wanting to ghost them forever? Would more responsibility push you over the edge, possibly leading you to a life of long working days and nights, drowning your sorrows, staring at the bottom of an empty wine glass? On the other hand, could you do with the extra money? Of course you could! Imagine all the little extra life luxuries you could afford like clothes, shoes, jewellery, handbags, champagne, holidays. The list is endless. So sweetie make sure the choice is right!
You are so relieved that summer is finally coming to an end. You have been champing at the bit waiting to show off your autumn wardrobe for such a long time AND when do we EVER in the UK have such a good summer?! Who would have believed it eh?! However, autumn is fast approaching - it’s time to put on those snazzy boots and statement jackets and embrace everything that autumn fashion has to offer. Your summer holiday has long gone and is nothing but a distant memory, fading faster than your tan. People are now preoccupied with children going back to school and some idiots in our midst have even mentioned the ‘C’ word (Christmas)! Who in their right mind is thinking of Christmas in September?! Just the thought of it is enough to make us feel queasy. So sweetie, take a chill pill and carry on embracing everything autumn with a very, VERY large G&T! Perhaps a lightly spiced one to take the chill off?! #ForeverAutumn #BahHumbug
Major breakthroughs are on the horizon and this will be a huge relief for you. You have been stuck in a rut for far too long and it’s time for something different, something new which will tickle your fancy, setting you on a path which will bring you satisfaction and a purpose again. Not that people have been gossiping about you behind your back, but they have noticed that you have not been firing on all cylinders lately, which has caused a certain amount of concern, especially when you rock up at work wearing a badly-ironed, un-coordinated outfit! The horror! This is so totally out of character for you. And whilst people understand that you may be going through a little mid-life crisis - we the fashion gods say - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! There is NO excuse in the world whatsoever for a fashionista being poorly dressed and unkempt! Pour yourself a drink...put on some lipstick...and pull yourself together. Dust off that iron will of yours, along with your iron and ironing board, and press yourself and that wardrobe back into action!
You have money matters on your mind this month. The matter being...you don’t have enough money to purchase all those lovely autumn fashions being paraded in front of you on a daily basis! Now the really reckless ones amongst us might be considering a possible bank heist...Sweetie darling, you are most certainly not Butch Cassidy, nor are you the Sundance Kid! So please get a grip on reality and start considering real options to solve your problems. We suggest working overtime, or maybe getting a second job - apparently car washing in ‘Daisy Dukes’ is quite the little money-earner these days, but only lucrative for those blessed with an amazing peachy and pert posterior! Our best suggestion is to go through your wardrobe - and whatever you don’t wear or use, either host a home jumble sale (posh one of course!), aka a ‘swish’, or take them to a car boot sale, et voila - money for new clothes without robbing any banks!
Your best laid plans are unraveling so fast you don’t know which way to turn and what to do for the best. That big event which seemed so far away is now suddenly a mere week away, and even though you planned and purchased your outfit well in advance, you didn’t factor in that two week all-inclusive in Mykonos; you now face the dilemma of trying to squeeze your now over-indulged tummy into a VERY fitted dress. Your back up plan to wear three pairs of Spanx has been shot down in flames (they didn’t even smooth or dent the surface - let alone take you down a dress size!) so now you are left with only two options. Book yourself onto the next juicing programme in Portugal, and don’t come back until your tummy has resumed its normal svelte shape, OR, suck it up and style it out with a more flattering outfit that disguises and skims your temporary sartorial problem.
Your decision-making skills have gone majorly awry this month and you are feeling all bent out of shape. Your fashion prowess is being questioned by friends and family alike as you have made many dubious outfit choices of late. Whereas you were once revered as a fashion goddess, people are now thinking you have completely lost your marbles, with totally over the top ensembles which leave you looking like a chaotic Christmas tree rather than the serious fashionista you (normally) are! It’s time to take a step back and bow out of all public engagements for the foreseeable future until you get your sh*t together, recalibrate your brain, start making sane fashion choices, and once more, regain your status as a true fashion goddess. Then, AND ONLY THEN, can you make a triumphant return to the limelight.
Reach out to your inner circle and they will be more than happy to lend a helping hand. Sometimes two heads are better than one and so on and so forth, blah, blah, blah…The more inspiration you can draw from each other, the better you will be at making these all important fashion choices when attending extremely important events. You are always on the lookout for unique pieces - with your flair for throwing a fabulous outfit together, you easily give Carrie Bradshaw a run for her money! With all this in mind, when reaching out to your inner circle, reach out in style...with... let’s say for instance: a few glasses/bottles of fizz and a large selection of luxury chocolates. It sends out a message that you care when in fact your thinking is...the more relaxed or tipsy they are, the more they will divulge their fashion and beauty secrets. Always method in our madness!
The time has come for you to refill your fuel tank as you have been running on almost empty for a long time, and quite frankly sweetie, this has to stop. How are you expected to fully function when you are not refueling the body with the good stuff? and we’re not just talking about the wine! You can’t pour from an empty cup, or wine glass! Us fashion gods and goddesses are quite sensible when we need to be - we are of course referring to healthy, wholesome food, vitamins, your five-a-day, and all that other bumf the so-called nutritional experts keep banging on about. Now is the time to look after yourself, get your body and wellbeing back to its best; and then you will have the energy to shop, party and socialise like an athlete at the top of their game! Just don’t take that literally though, as not everyone can pull off lycra - it can be very unforgiving even on the most body beautiful!
It’s time for you to indulge your hidden desires, after all you only live once and never put off until tomorrow, what you can do - or buy for that matter - today. So be brave and be confident in your own decision-making abilities when you purchase that totally outrageous catsuit you have been secretly dreaming about for so long that you can’t remember a time when it didn’t feature in your daily fantasies. Whether you can pull off such an outfit doesn’t matter a jot sweetie; and if you think your friends will take the proverbial p*ss - then just wear it and style it out when you are in the privacy of your own home after instructing - nay commanding - Alexa play Cher at full volume, aided and abetted by a rather large bottle of whatever tickles your fancy. P.S. If you are feeling particularly adventurous - get Alexa to order some disco lights too!
Commit or quit? That is the all important question you will be asking yourself this month. For far too long you have been on the long road to becoming the best possible version of yourself, and to be quite frank, it’s a little draining and almost impossible to try and keep up with this perfect lifestyle you have been trying to maintain. Listen up sister! NOBODY can be perfect 24/7 - there will be moments when your makeup looks a little tired, your outfit isn’t quite ‘on point’ and there will be times when you will cave in to a greasy burger, and there will most definitely be times when you wake up in the morning nursing the hangover from hell! We’ve all been there sweetie - it’s called being human, so stop being so hard on yourself and STOP trying to live your life by following a plan. Go with the flow (a steady one of gin always works), and just enjoy the ride.
Slam on those brakes sweetie. You are going way too fast and it’s time to slow down on the spending. If you carry on at the rate you’re going you will run out of funds which will leave you confined to barracks crying into your Pot Noodle as your friends party the night away! Yes we understand your need to have the most amazing wardrobe known to woman. HOWEVER, what good is having such a fabulous wardrobe if you can’t afford to go out and show it off? So a compromise is needed, and fast! And even though this is a boring and grown up thing to do, you need to sort out your finances and make a list of your income and outgoings. Once you have worked out what is left over, then comes the most frightening thing all fashionistas fear - a monthly shopping budget - we suggest you have a stiff drink on standby to help deal with the shock!
You’re feeling a little defensive lately, especially when people have commented on how much you’ve been spending. How very dare they! It’s your hard-earned money and you will spend as much of it on what you want, when you want and NOBODY is going to tell you otherwise! You can’t decide whether they are concerned or jealous but that’s not your problem sweetie. As long as you know whether or not you can afford another pair of Louboutins or book that Caribbean cruise, that’s all that matters. You don’t have to justify your spending habits to anyone; you work hard, spend hard, and play hard. You love your life and work hard to maintain the lifestyle that you have become accustomed to. So go for it and enjoy your just desserts (we particularly enjoy profiteroles but you can have whatever you desire!)