Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Put your ‘power suit’ on sister...sh*t’s going down and you need to be on top of your game to successfully navigate it! There is going to be a LOT of conflict going on around you and although you may get sucked into bullsh*t against your will - forewarned is forearmed. A level head is required, plus all the diplomacy skills you have harnessed throughout your life to make it through to December unscathed. NOW, back to the aforementioned ‘power suit’! We’re thinking a sharp, tailored suit here sweetie - cast your mind back to 1989 - Madonna - Express Yourself - where she rocked that suit and commanded the stage - that woman was taking no prisoners! She was the ‘Boss Lady’ and nobody messed with her. You get the picture?! It’s time to get ‘bad arse’ and show the world you mean business. P.S. Don’t be afraid to try a monocle - it could make you look intelligent OR, on the other hand you may end up looking like Chris Eubank.
It’s time to gear up for party season with a little pre-party bootcamp. Now if you’re lucky enough to be able to splash the cash and go all out on a Portuguese, Algarve ‘celeb style’ juice retreat, then crack on. If unfortunately you are a mere mortal and struggling to juggle your monthly gym membership and frequent shopping trips, then you need to get a little creative. I’m afraid to be a killjoy sweetie, but it’s back to basics for you! Fortunately being cash strapped will work in your favour when it comes to food shopping as those pesky little vegetables which you usually avoid with a passion are actually quite cheap and cheerful (PURSE FRIENDLY), AND can be used in a variety of recipes (ADAPTABLE), a little goes a long way, they contain a tiny amount of calories (HALLELUJAH), AND they are very filling (BONUS)! Team this with a ridiculous amount of squats and situps and you’ll be strutting around in that LBD in no time.
It’s time to wrap up that summer/autumn wardrobe and banish it to the back of the wardrobe until further notice, as we can confirm that winter has well and truly arrived in the UK. To say it’s flipping freezing is putting it mildly! Winter woolies are the desired clothing required to brave these Arctic conditions - I don’t think we fashion gods are exaggerating too much here! and fur-lined boots spring to mind as well. Talking of fur-lined - does anyone do a range of fur-lined lingerie these days? It would so come in handy on these brutally cold days. OK, so you get the picture?! Just make sure your outfit choices are fashionable darlings. There’s nothing worse than mismatched coats, hats, gloves and boots. You want to be warm and effortlessly chic sweetie; and NOT like you wrapped velcro around your body and rolled over the table tops at the local jumble sale!
Your eager audience is waiting with baited breath to see what amazing purchases you have made in the fashion department this month. When you start to debut your new collection, some of them will be inspired by your sartorial genius, the unique pieces which adorn you and pay homage to you with their outfit choices. Some will want to rush out and blatantly copy you, buying up identical pieces of everything you own! Just remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery or should that be tw*ttery?! Grit your teeth sweetie and be secure in the knowledge that you carry off the look infinitely better as you’re not trying quite so hard to look effortlessly chic - it comes naturally to you! And some will want a good laugh at your expense as they think your outfit choices are rather bonkers, leaving a lot to be desired! We ignore these sad individuals and leave them to curl up in a corner somewhere.
It’s your month to shine, and shine you shall my sweetie! Imagine you had a fairy godmother with a magic wand, and she waved that wand over you, covering you with magical fairy dust, enabling you to go forward and share that magic with all those who come into contact with you. This is your month to bestow kindness, knowledge and a little of your fashion prowess to friends, colleagues, family and any hapless folk who need your genius to rub off on them. Think of this as ‘paying it forward’ and you will get your just rewards when karma comes a’knocking to repay you for your kind deeds. Hopefully when karma arrives, it will be holding aloft a giant glass of bubbly and a rather large stash of shopping vouchers - failing that a substantial lottery win would also do quite nicely.
The quest for perfection could prove to be mission impossible this month and if you keep pushing sweetie, then you are going to crash and burn in spectacular style! NOBODY is perfect, even us fashion gods! And don’t forget that the little quirks and imperfections are what make you so unique. You don’t want to be like everyone else, as you were born to stand out! Can you imagine just being average? Blending into the background? Nobody stopping you to ask where you got that divine handbag from, or what is that dazzling shade of lipstick you are wearing? It’s enough to send shivers up the spine, sending us hurtling towards the nearest chic bar for a large brandy to calm the nerves (purely medicinal purposes darlings). and it draws far less attention than resorting to breathing heavily into a paper bag on a park bench!
Your luck is shifting into the money zone this month - Hallelujah! It’s time to celebrate and go a little crazy. An almighty splurge of epic proportions is called for and a long awaited shopping spree for some fabulous new outfits is on the horizon. It’s time to get prepared sweetie - you know what to do. However, if you are new to this fashionista stuff, then read and digest. For online shopping: clear your diary and your house - you will need peace and quiet for this all important task! Make sure your iPad is fully charged and you have back ups (iPhone and laptop) also on charge, at the ready, should they need to be called into battle. Ice bucket full of fizz by the side of the sofa (going back and forth to the fridge is using up precious browsing and buying time), and wallet/plastic by your side ready for immediate deployment! For manual shopping: comfy shoes are a must, plus an outfit that is easy to remove in the changing rooms. No hangers on, they’ll only slow you down and give opinions you don’t want or need! With a strategic plan in place, you can be sure you’ll hit all the shops you need with military-style precision.
Your social life has been oh-so demanding lately and you are about to crash and burn if you don’t slow down. You think it’s time to chill and and have a little ‘me’ time. ‘Me’ time is all about rest and comfort and wearing the most divine loungewear while you take time out, drink chamomile tea and try out at least a dozen face masks you have been meaning to apply for the last six months. It is also a time to watch back-to-back rom coms, indulge in those luxury chocolates you meant to give as a gift, before you have that annual breakdown, where you faithfully promise to pull yourself together, reinvent yourself, lose weight, live healthier, give up alcohol and sugar, stop spending frivolously and become a better person. Blah, blah, blah! The usual delusional BULLSH*T!!! Get a grip sweetie, put on your big girl pants and stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to join the grown ups and stop fighting who you are. Just enjoy the life you have and live it to the full.
Everything is changing this month and we don’t just mean your wardrobe. It’s an unpleasantly cold, wet month, requiring warm layers, waterproof clothing and a brolly! Around this time of year, your wants and needs change also. You’ll find yourself being drawn towards your sofa a LOT more, with the need to hunker down with a warm cup of tea and the odd packet of biscuits or two! CAUTION!!! This calls for strict planning and we STRONGLY recommend you portion out these delicious little morsels; or the more clever ones of you in our midst will have purchased the individual packs which are perfectly portioned for one! Forward thinking and planning is the ticket sweetie as you don’t want to enter the Christmas season with an already ballooning belly and backside even before the festivities get started. That’s just fighting a losing battle AND, more importantly, you don’t want to have to shoehorn yourself into that fabulous dress you bought for the Christmas party.
You need to shake up your status quo and NO we are not referring to that hirsute, denim-clad pop group! You need to put your diary in order, weed out all the boring events you were due to attend, and fill it with interesting, relevant events which will benefit you, not bore you senseless. Factor in some amazing shopping trips to shake up your wardrobe, give yourself a new look and try something you would never think of trying. Invigorate your tastebuds by trying new cuisines to stimulate the senses and stop you visiting the same old restaurants you’ve always frequented. Visit the theatre, take up kickboxing, try your hand at pottery, indulge in a little wine tasting (we wholeheartedly recommend this one) - it’s time to experiment! Life has so much to offer. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Be adventurous sweetie. What have you got to lose apart from your dignity?!
You’re always up for some fun and adventure, but this month you will be craving it more than ever and needing it like oxygen in order to survive. The key to this sweetie is quality rather than quantity, so don’t go filling up that diary with mediocre events - go for the biggies, the ones that will have people talking about them for months after. You will want to look back on them as some of the most amazing experiences of your life - stand-out moments that at the time you think will be impossible to repeat - those iconic and fashion-changing moments that altered the course of your life and wardrobe, where you dared to be brave and outrageous. Right then, now that’s out of the way, get ready to shop and plan sweetie, shop and plan. You will want to dazzle and shine. Be bold, be daring and act in a totally uncharacteristically reckless manner! Feel the thrill with each bonkers purchase, in blissful anticipation of the event you’re planning to showcase it at. If you want to soar like an eagle, stop hanging around with turkeys!
Your self-esteem has taken a bit of a bashing lately, so prepare for an onslaught of emotions sweetie. Once you have drowned your sorrows with copious amounts of your favourite tipple(s) and eaten your bodyweight in chocolate while lamenting your woes, it’s time to put on your ‘big girl pants’, build a bridge and get the fu*k over it! EVERYONE knows that to boost your confidence all you need is a little bit of retail therapy, (oh who are we kidding? a LOT of retail therapy!). There is nothing that quite rivals the thrill of purchasing a ridiculously impractical amount of shoes, handbags, accessories and beauty products - whether it’s online shopping with the delivery driver arriving, laden down with your parcels and you opening them like a kiddie on Christmas morning; OR what we like to call it ‘manual shopping’ - the frisson of carrying all those bags and ripping them open when you get home to devour your purchases. Whatever your shopping style and preference, nothing rivals that pleasure. I repeat: NOTHING!!!