Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
A group project could start to feel like a nightmare if you don’t take control and make sure everything is meticulously planned down to the last itty bitty detail. You need to delegate efficiently and effectively so that the ship runs a smooth course. Proceed with caution as there could be temper tantrums along the way with disgruntled folk who want more responsibility - the ones who go giddy with the enormous power trip they are on. Sweetie you need to nip that in the bud pronto and gently point out to the saddos involved that it’s only an office party and not the flipping Oscars!!! Most people attending (and you shouldn’t judge), couldn’t really give a monkeys about table decorations or dress code - they just want to know what time the free bar starts and more importantly - what time the free bar ends!!!
This month you need to be alone with your thoughts. You’re not quite ready to share what’s going on in your fabulous and devious little mind with the rest of the world just yet. Lately, you have been reflecting on your life and fashion choices quite a lot; and while these thoughts have been rambling through your brain, they have been helped merrily along with average sized glasses of gin fizz...oh, who are you kidding?...average is not a word that is used to describe ANY aspect of your life! So...back to your thoughts. Keep gathering them sweetie until they grow into fabulous and genius ideas; and when you are completely happy with them - only then do you unleash them on your adoring public who have waited patiently with bated breath.
Personal transformation is the name of the game this month and NO ONE has the ability to completely overhaul their look like you. Nothing excites you more than changing your whole image, so let the metamorphosis begin...You need to go into hiding until the transformation is complete, so we strongly suggest your arm yourself with supplies and by this we mean the full arsenal - iPad obviously to order all the new makeup, accessories and outfits that are needed - home appointments with your your hairdresser and nail technician - oh and don’t forget, you’ll need a relaxing massage to help you overcome any stress and anxiety. Last but by no means least - you will need a fully stocked bar to toast your success when you emerge from your cocoon - ready to show the world how wonderful you are.
One of your recent creative projects has ground to a halt as you struggle to find enthusiasm, as - shock, horror, - all your ideas have dried up. Your mind is like the Sahara Desert - barren, bare and hostile. Your fabulousness has all dried up and it needs rehydration as a matter of urgency. And NO we don’t mean rehydration with alcohol - although some bubbles won’t do any harm in letting go and allowing you to free your mind - letting it wander into unknown territory. You need some time out. Rest and relaxation. Perhaps a spa day or a holiday to get away from everyday life; a party or two, or three; maybe a festival or a wine-tasting weekend? Whatever you choose, just throw caution to the wind and inject some much needed fun into your lacklustre life.
The devil is in the detail, so don’t be caught out when someone asks for your help on what they say is ‘a small job’. People often take advantage of you sweetie and so you need to be prepared in the art of saying NO! We suggest you start practising in the mirror with several different versions of “I’m sorry, but that’s not possible”, or “I’m afraid I haven’t got the time to help you with that”, or our absolute favourite when they are persistently unable to take a polite no for an answer - F**k off! You’re not being rude. They’re being rude for being relentless! Just remember this famous quote from the fabulous, actor Dame Helen Mirren: “At 70 years old, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to use the words ‘f**k off’ much more frequently.” And if it’s good enough for a Dame then it’s good enough for you!
You crave profound heart-to-hearts. You miss them terribly and NOBODY has been to see you recently to partake in these glorious little tête-à-têtes. You feel bereft, lonely and you’re starting to get quite needy. Now sweetie, there’s nothing worse than a needy female, believe us we know - we’ve been there and it’s not pretty! You thrive on people coming to you for advice, help and your wondrous opinion on just about everything. So you need a cunning plan to get yourself back in action. Keep your ears open when at work or in the company of friends and family. If you get a sniff of one of them having ANY sort of dilemma in their lives, you need to swoop in and give them that sturdy shoulder that they need to lean or cry on. Offer them sympathy, tissues, and a huge dose of the ‘wise old you’ wrapped up in kindness and armed with prosecco.
This month will bring some challenging moments but you my dear will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. You are more than prepared for all the cr*p that life will throw at you; and all those years in the Brownies and Girl Guides will pay off handsomely. Be prepared....lend a hand...try to do your best...This has been drummed into you from a very early age and although a lot of what you were taught has been about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, some of it was actually quite useful! It’s these useful little tips that will now help navigate you through the next few weeks. For every problem that presents itself, there is always a solution. For everything little thing that goes wrong, there is always a way to put it right. And if all else fails, retreat to the sofa with a large glass of gin and hide away till it all blows over!!!
You’re kicking butt lately and you most certainly do not suffer fools gladly. You’ve reached a point in your life where your confidence is at an all time high; you know what suits you and your body shape; what looks good and what looks downright dreadful; and you know exactly what you do and don’t like! AND under NO circumstances will you tolerate other people’s bullsh*t! Life’s far too short to put up with people you have no desire to be with and situations that you just can’t be bothered to deal with, so DON’T!!! Nobody is making you. You are the mistress of your own destiny. So be selfish. Put yourself first. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. JUST SAY NO to: nagging; insincere moaning time-wasters; tedious dinner parties; and last but certainly not least, say not to Crocs (sends shivers down the spine and makes our calves shudder just thinking about them!); Say YES to anything which excites, delights and pleases you, and makes you bounce out of bed in the mornings. Be inspired in ALL parts of your life by this wisdom from Mark Twain, “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life”. So what are you waiting for?
You are on a mission to search for the sun this month; and if you can’t get it in good ol’ Blighty then you’re just going to have to go further afield until you find that big ball of golden hotness in the sky and bask in its glory. Oh how you’ve missed that sunny yellow friend who brings so much joy to your life, which gives you purpose and a reason to haul that lazy butt out of bed in a morning. Life seems soooo much better and joyful when it’s hot and sunny. AND it’s the signal to start barbecue season. All hail the sun - a time to indulge in al fresco dining and drinking, sipping Pimms, savouring long cooling cocktails or mocktails or tickling your tastebuds with some fizz. A time to break out the flip flops. A time to witness men parade their hairy legs in socks and sandals, (a crime against fashion!). If you love the men in your life, please introduce them to ‘manscaping’. A gnarled cloven hoof is permissible for your animal birth sign - the goat - not you. Or him! HOWEVER let’s be realistic sweetie, we never get more than a few days of sunshine, so be sensible and hot foot it to the travel agents or get yourself online, by doing the sensible thing and book a holiday somewhere guaranteed to produce that beautiful golden ball in the sky!
It’s time to unleash your inner adventurous self. Throw caution to the wind and try something you have never done before. Now there’s no need to go absolutely bonkers and book a skydive over the Grand Canyon or a trek along the Amazon and an overland hike to reach the ancient Inca city of Machu Picchu. Our thinking is slightly more subtle! We’re thinking more along the lines of a spot of glamping in a rather posh tent with all the facilities of a hotel, (after all dears, we’re not totally feral!); or maybe some jet ski-ing? perhaps around St Tropez or Monaco (so beautiful at this time of year - Lady P can confirm!); or if your budget can’t stretch to far flung climes, you could pop down to Cornwall - while you’re there you could try one of their famous Cornish pasties - so decadently delicious but disastrous for the waistline! And if you are feeling rather energetic, why not try climbing a small mountain, or at least take the stairs at the shopping mall! that sense of achievement when you reach the summit is apparently as fabulous as the feeling one gets when discovering the shoes you’ve coveted for the last few months are less than half price in the sale.
You are craving some one-on-one time with your wardrobe as you have been neglecting it recently and you really don’t want to upset its feelings, so be kind and generous with your time and give it the TLC it so desperately needs! It needs a revamp - a kind of ‘out with the old and in with the new’. Firstly we would recommend emptying it completely and giving it a thorough clean, and we don’t just mean a light dusting! Get out the rubber gloves and bucket and get down deep into the back and corners - just be careful not to disappear into Narnia while ‘Operation Wardrobe’ is in progress! Once the wardrobe is sparkling like the Crown Jewels, it’s time to take stock and restock. This is where the fun begins! You need to meticulously sort through your clothes, only keeping what looks fabulous darling! Don’t ask ‘what do I want to get rid of?’, ask yourself ‘what do I want to keep?’ - a simple reframing will free you from the clutter and bad buys, and helps cut through any sentimental attachment. The rest you need to bag up for the charity shop (or sell on eBay to help fund your new purchases) and then you need to SHOP, SHOP, SHOP as if your very life and wardrobe depends upon it!
Pounding a triple-shot espresso is most certainly not going to energise you this month! You are run down and have hit rock bottom; but don’t worry sweetie as once you’ve hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go and that is up! So with that in mind, you need to put in place a plan of action to get you back to your best self. Now we could be boringly formulaic and suggest you need to work on yourself from the inside out with good nutrition and exercise blah, blah, blah!!! But let’s not kid ourselves. Let’s be totally honest here! What women really need to get back on top of the world is a fabulous outfit, a killer pair of ‘slay them’ shoes, some (unapologetic) ridiculously amazing arm candy and red lipstick. As the saying goes: “Give a woman the right lipstick and she can conquer the world”...With that in place, the rest will follow. So let’s practice what we preach ladies - dress up, look good and feel fabulous darlings!!!