Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
You are feeling very opinionated this month and that can be a good and a bad thing. It’s good that you stand up for yourself and your beliefs; and if something is pi*sing you off - well honey - you tell it like it is. You don’t sugarcoat things and if people don’t like it? Tough luck! That’s just who you are and you’re not about to change for anyone or anything. HOWEVER! Your big mouth can often get you into trouble AND make you extremely unpopular - especially when commenting on people’s appearances and fashion choices. Unfortunately sweetie you are going to have to learn how to be tactful and know when to say something constructive and supportive - keeping the person’s [it’s aimed at] best interests at heart AND also when to keep those bitchy put-downs to yourself especially when faced with people’s hideous and rather unfortunate fashion preferences.
You are totally in the fashion zone this month and your eyes are on the glittering prize - that wonderful summer holiday which is fast approaching. You are on a mission to jet off with the most amazing holiday wardrobe the world has ever seen. OK - maybe not the whole world, but definitely your travel buddies who will be astounded by your chic and clever fashion choices, and the people at your holiday resort who will be fortunate to get a front row seat #FROW to your daily fashion parade, marvelling at your sheer (and beaded kaftan) genius! Shopping will need to be a meticulously planned as you try to find unusual and unique pieces, ensuring that all eyes are on you as you strut your own personal catwalk (the path from sunbed to the bar - well a gal’s gotta keep hydrated in this hot weather!); AND when you shimmy and shake that frame on the dancefloor like the sensual seaside siren that you are!
Release your need to control EVERY aspect of your life. Throw caution to the wind along with your inhibitions and try to embrace change and other people’s ideas. We know this will be hard sweetie but baby steps are required to achieve the “I don’t give a damn” mindset. The more you practice - the easier it will get. Can you imagine a life where getting dressed in the morning isn’t a life or death matter - when you walk out of the door hoping the fashion police don’t pounce and put you in jail for crimes against fashion?! You need to chill out and stop taking yourself and life quite so seriously. Yoga and meditation are great for helping you to relax and destress that frazzled brain. Ever the fashionista, there’s some absolutely darling yoga/sportswear out there too - sssshhh, whisper it - with LOTS of stretchy fabric, and in a GOOD way! A not-so-little G&T hits the spot too, if/when all else/Zen fails! We do advise tho, that the focus is more on ‘downward dog’ than ‘hair of the dog’! Now go and be FREE sweetie!
The only way you can be sure to get what you want is to bloody well ask for it! Stop with the subtle hints and pointers sweetie, because if we are totally honest - most people don’t twig anyway. And they’re not mindreaders. You are flogging a lost cause as most folk have their own priorities and agenda - believe it or not, pleasing you is not one of them! If you want that glorious pair of sequined boots you’ve been drooling over for the last four months (which spanned your birthday/anniversary) or ‘just because you love me’ presents, then make damn sure you’ve told your significant other or family member that that is what you WANT and what you would like to see more than anything else in the world when you delve into your gift stash! Remember to warn/advise these wonderful people that you will be extremely p*ssed off if you don’t get what you asked for as this may result in tantrums of epic proportions.
Ready, jet-set, go!!! Oh yes! Holiday time is almost upon you and it’s time to ramp up the holiday outfit shopping with gusto. Nothing animates you more than a shopping trip with a purpose. You have a goal, and boy oh boy will you achieve this and with some serious aplomb! You will have spent many an hour/day/week/month visualising your holiday attire - planning what accessories and shoes are needed to accompany an array of oh-so fabulous poolside outfits. So what are you waiting for? Whether you like to shop online, or trawl the high street for those glorious beauties which excite you and make your heart melt (insert your own personal fashion swoon) - the choice is yours and you are now under starter’s orders so without further ado. On your marks…Get set.... Go!
You need to find your team spirit this month as the annual barbecues and garden parties come out in force (British weather permitting!) and you are called upon to pitch in and help out. Before someone dumps you with a boring BBQ job, make sure your top priority is covered - YOUR OUTFIT! Once this most important of tasks is taken care of - then, and only then - will you be able to throw yourself into proceedings. Being part of a team that creates something wonderful can be a special and fulfilling role, one that you can revel in once the event is in full flow and you can bask in the ambience - receiving well deserved praise for your efforts along with that amazing outfit you had the foresight to plan first and foremost! In fact it would be most acceptable to toast your sheer brilliance - and your drink of choice is….
Get ready sweetie - you may be faced with quite a shocking discovery this month! And we don’t mean the bright, round, yellow object floating in the sky! At long last the great British summer has arrived and gasp...shock...horror...when you’ve exhumed your summer wardrobe from the depths of the wardrobe, under the bed, from the loft and/or farther beyond - you are met with complete disbelief that none of it fits anymore! The reality is, you have been in denial about just how much food you’ve inhaled and how much alcohol has been consumed while hibernating over the winter months; AND if you’re totally honest with yourself - you thought a couple of weeks existing on salad and fizzy water would do the trick in getting rid of the spare tyre that’s ‘taken up residence’ around your midriff for quite some time. Reality check time sweetie - unless you knuckle down to the good old fashioned ‘eat less - move more’ mantra - quite frankly it’s going to be a costly few months buying an entirely new summer wardrobe!
Whose skills and interest match best with yours? A very important question you need to ask yourself this month, as these like minded and skilled people will be of great help to you. For example, when planning your holiday wardrobe - what’s the use of having someone with zero fashion sense and bad taste helping you decide such an all-important task? After all sweetie, you don’t want to end up wearing unflattering swimwear with unsightly bits spilling out of your bathing suit’s cutouts! Not only will people be unkindly judging away from behind their cocktails but think of the weird tan lines you will have to contend with. Focus on ‘fits and flatters’, not ‘jiggly bits, ‘pits and all of a’scatter’! This is NOT the sort of harsh lesson you need to be taught, so make sure you call upon only the very best fashion guru in your midst - and with two brilliant minds together - we’re confident you will have the holiday wardrobe to die for. Without the unwelcome distraction and discomfort of badly fitting clothes, you can put all your energy and attention on what cocktail to try next as you sashay with confidence from your sunbed to the poolside bar!
So many bikinis...so little time. Panic is now setting in as the most important part of your poolside ensemble is yet to be decided. It’s a minefield that needs to be carefully navigated. One wrong move and you could end up looking like Borat in his mankini, only not so attractive… First you need that brutally - and we mean brutally - honest friend/partner/family member who will tell you if your ‘bum looks big in this’! You need good old-fashioned honesty about what does/doesn’t suit and flatter you, or whether you you look like you’ve been shoehorned in! We highly recommend a good splurge on ASOS. Order as many different options as possible and then stage a mini ‘for your eyes only’ fashion show amongst the ‘honest ones’. They can help you decide what to keep and what to return ASAP before they lose the will to live. It also helps to have plenty of fizz on hand help with the all important decisions. CAUTION!!! Maybe save that til the end, as you want them to remain sensible and have perfect vision!
You have a sudden attraction to espadrilles this month, which is no bad thing. They are perfectly acceptable footwear for the summer months. They can be super-stylish, either worn casually, or glammed up with a jewel-encrusted pair - the world is your espadrille oyster! Just don’t be a wannabe who buys a fake pair of Chanel ones in the (faint) hope that they will make you look chic. Let us tell you now - there is NOTHING chic about fake Chanel espadrilles; even less so when they have fallen apart, and you shed strands of straggly straw in your wake as you sashay along the seafront - only donkeys and horses walk on loose straw sweetie! Frayed stitching and a wonky Chanel ‘C’ is NOT a good look!!! Leave the straw-shedding, ‘wonky donkey’ fake espadrilles to the wannabes, and embrace the thoroughbred that you are, by putting your best, well-shod foot forward!
Are your sartorial aspirations causing you undue stress? Is your quest to be the ‘complete fashionista’ taking its toll? Well it’s time to relax and chill out sweetie. Find your inner ‘keep-calm guru’ and remind her of her job description! It’s her job to keep your stress levels at a minimum while you navigate the minefield that is called life. When you completely lose your sh*t over an outfit choice - then she must be there with soothing words and encouragement. We speak far more unkindly to ourselves than we ever do to anyone else! If you make a disastrous shoe purchase (and who hasn’t?!) - then she needs to advise you on how to deal with it - perhaps a glass of wine to calm the frazzled nerves and then put a plan in place to exchange your footwear faux pas or get a refund pronto! Life is far too short for you to be a perfect fashionista 24/7. First and foremost, fashion is meant to be FUN, not fraught! Ease up a little and keep that guru close to hand. Be your own best friend.
You can run but you can’t hide sweetie from the fact that the sun is out and shining bright in the UK, which means - flesh-baring clothes. Now please don’t take this literally and start turning up for work wearing a bikini and sarong combo - that would just be plain bonkers, quite unprofessional and potentially disturbing for your fellow colleagues - unless you have the body of a supermodel and quite frankly, that’s unlikely to apply to the majority of us mere mortals! We are talking about something a little more modest and tasteful - sleeveless dresses or perhaps a short sleeved blouse and dress shorts (hot pants NOT permitted and most definitely a big resounding NO to the ‘Daisy Dukes’ - for obvious reasons - you don’t want to turn up for work à la Jessica Simpson in The Dukes of Hazzard - such a terrible cliche!!! Show yourself a little respect sweetie (and others will too) - after all, you are a lady and ladies don’t go to work with their dèrriere dangling - well not unless your day/night job involves stripping or pole dancing!