Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Is it time to hit the brakes in your relationship with outerwear this month or do you rev the engine up to the max? Or should that be macs?! The sun is shining brightly in the British sky and to ‘civilians’, aka normal folk (aka non-fashionistas!) it seems quite mad to be thinking of any extra layers of clothing causing you to overheat. Now brace yourself sweetie as we introduce you to the ‘kimono’! Such a beautiful, decorative item which is soooo versatile it can be worn many, many different ways - although much depends on what fabric it’s made from as it would be quite indecent to go out in public wearing a sheer one with just barely undies covering your modesty - and a tad tacky too dahhhlings! They come in an array of designs, fabrics, lengths and colours. Undecorated or adorned with sequins, jewels, feathers and/or tassels. The sky’s the limit with these delightful works of wearable art. So go forth and kimono yourself up.
You’ve been playing by the rules for far too long and it’s time to STOP! It’s time to take a walk on the wild side, throw caution to the wind, and embrace your inner fear of not having your wardrobe planned for the week ahead with work-appropriate attire and sensible shoes. Go wild and ditch the sedate cardi for a ruffled silk-chiffon blouse. Cast away the pumps and hot foot it to work in a pair of jewelled wedges. Abandon the tweed skirt and go mad for palazzo pants. It’s time to bin ‘Plain Jane Superbrain’ (Neighbours circa late 80’s), and reveal your inner fashionista in all her glory. Imagine the look on your colleagues faces when you rock up for work, looking amazing, oozing confidence, ready to take on the world. Get ready for your well-deserved adulation sweetie, it’s been a long time coming!
This could be the month for one of your major dreams to come true. And then again, maybe it won’t! Life can be pretty unpredictable and unfortunately - much to your annoyance - not everything gets handed to you on a silver platter. You have to work at it, earn things through hard work and sheer determination, and only sometimes may Lady Luck be on your side. In our experience it’s wise to throw Lady Luck a little bribe (or incentive as we prefer to call it) now and again to keep her onside. Take her out to dinner, ply her with champagne, buy her little gifts, perhaps a new outfit? Around about now you may be a little confused as Lady Luck isn’t a real person; so how can you treat her to things and especially, how the hell do you bribe someone who doesn’t exist?! Listen up sister, because here comes a valuable life lesson! You make your own luck in this life. You ARE Lady Luck. Be kind to yourself. And most importantly - believe in yourself sweetie - because you ARE fabulous!
You need to focus on your finances this month. Don’t let your hard-earned cash get hijacked by your enthusiasm for spending money on pointless sales items that will languish forever in your wardrobe; abandoned, gathering dust with price tags intact, waiting forlornly to be worn. Just because they were half price does not justify buying them - especially when you buy clothes two sizes too small in the faint/naive/deluded hope you may one day squeeze your sizable assets into them! That’s delusional and a complete waste of money which could be far better spent (invested!) on some memorable nights out with friends, sipping cocktails, enjoying the fabulous weather so generously bestowed upon us by the all-powerful ‘weather gods’. Those same gods who can capriciously create storm clouds to make or break any event, rendering outfits totally impractical and literally ruin a holiday! So let’s all take a moment to worship and give praise to the ‘weather gods’ - long may they reign not rain! Don’t rain on our parade!
You’ve never been one to mince your words sweetie, but if and when people do criticise or question your fashion choices, then you have two options available to you. Option One: Suck it up buttercup and agree to disagree - possibly give them the ‘death stare’ and then WALK AWAY! No flouncing allowed! Or...Option Two: In full blown Fashionista Diva mode - educate them in the nicest possible way that you are a fashion guru, a free spirit who loves to experiment and have fun with fashion, and if they can’t embrace that - then tell them to skulk off back to the ‘(B)land Of Boring’, where they can fester in their boring blouse and slacks combo...The fashion gods are shuddering at the very thought. Mission accomplished - then toast your magnificence with a large, cold glass of bubbly.
Get ready - it’s outdoor drinking time. Swap ‘al desko’ for ‘al fresco’! This conjures up visions of late afternoon cocktails, long nights drinking an ice cold bottle (or bottles for those without a pause button!) of white wine, or, for the more retro, nostalgic quaffers in our midst - this is the best time of year for cider. Just remember that you are a lady and nothing is more unsightly than a lady glugging from a pint glass! You also need to consider your outfit. Nothing too short or flimsy, otherwise you may stick to your seat, which would be rather unpleasant and indecorous for you and your friends as you noisily prise yourself off the chair! We recommend flat shoes, as after one too many, it can be quite tricky to negotiate your way to the designated driver/taxi, or pavements if you are foolhardy enough to attempt walking home!
WARNING!!! This month, don’t push the pedal to the metal before you punch in your GPS destination. You have a tendency to go in ‘all guns blazing’ without really thinking things through or knowing what you want out of any given situation. You need to take a ‘time-out’ and ponder what you want to achieve. And THEN go for it. Fail to plan - plan to fail. That’s (been) you in a nutshell. But no more sweetie. It’s time to get savvy in all aspects of your life - from planning your wardrobe options, to sensible exercise routines and healthy food choices - so you can rise like a phoenix from the ashes and embrace this fabulous new version of you. Naturally this will be done whilst wearing *the* most divine new outfit which perfectly enhances your best features - because you will have thought long and hard about it before throwing on any old bundle of rags!
You can’t seem to get your mind off your career this month and while we acknowledge that this is an important part of your life - please remember sweetie that you do have a life outside of work. A life where you get to have fun and frolic in the sun, dress up, party and live life to the full. Turn your mind to other thrill-seeking pleasures such as holidaying in the sun, days out, drinking cocktails with friends and most importantly, exploring the summer sales. YES - it’s that time of year when those naughty shops try and tempt you to part with your money! and only the strong-willed can survive the onslaught of those tantalising bargains. Spend, spend, spend and savour every moment until reality bites again, and you realise you will have to work overtime to cover all that you’ve spent - or find a better paying job if you’ve seriously blown the budget! Which leads you back to the ‘can’t get your mind off your career’ dilemma. You can thank us later for taking your mind off it temporarily!
This could be a month where you ask yourself - how the hell did I get into this mess?! You have far too much going on in your life and no structure or order which adds to the chaos you (yes, you!) keep creating. The summer sales have got you all of a tizz and you keep repeating the same old pattern. Despair sets in as you think you have nothing to wear; shop til you drop, buying anything and everything as you think you are so sartorially starved; hide all shopping bags at the entrance to Narnia (back of the wardrobe), so no one can see them, judge you or tell you off for spending money on things you don’t need (or already have!); never wearing what you have bought because Lucy and Susan are wearing it in Narnia; then complain you have nothing to wear, thus kick-starting the whole damn shopping/spending cycle again! It’s either time to do a serious wardrobe audit and can you afford it, before seeking sartorial plaudits. Or if the situation is beyond critical, it could be time to join Shopaholics Anonymous sweetie!
This month you are in social butterfly mode. With so many parties and events to attend, you are overwhelmed by all the planning needed to make your life run as smoothly as possible. Time for some meticulous planning, and to be done with military precision - the khaki camouflage wedge espadrilles are optional sweetie! We suggest you start by making a separate list for each occasion - this way nothing will get forgotten or overlooked. There’s nothing that makes a gal’s heart sink quite so fast than getting ready for a party when it hits you that you’ve forgotten that one vital accessory which pulls the whole outfit together, giving it the oomph factor, elevating it from being a so-so outfit into an orgasmic one! That simply won’t do sweetie - make sure you don’t get caught out and about looking nothing short of spectacular. Start channeling your inner Clipboard Queen!
It’s time to get out and socialise sweetie. Spread your wings and fly little social butterfly. We are at the height of the most glorious British summer with long hot days and even longer, hotter nights, which gives you carte blanche to chill out with friends, where you will need to keep well-hydrated with copious amounts of gin, vodka, fizz, cocktails, shandy etc etc - in a nutshell, anything cold and alcoholic you can find (and we’re not referring to your feckless ex!) Just remember that during this hot and sultry weather, cool attire is not optional, it’s essential! We have just one word of caution, if you do opt for skirts or dresses, remember your Spanx shorts to avoid the dreaded ‘chub-rub’ which affects a large number of the female population - even those with a thigh gap aren’t always immune from its prickly, uncomfortable reach! Consider yourselves forewarned.
This month’s sultry weather is exhausting you sweetie, with power naps becoming an essential part of your day. Don’t fight it! Take yourself to a well-ventilated, quiet room with a giant fan. If there’s a chance you could be disturbed and woken from your slumbers, we strongly advise a lightweight kaftan - so practical yet pretty. But if you can turn in, safe in the knowledge of enjoying an uninterrupted siesta, then your birthday suit will do just fine. Hopefully you will wake feeling refreshed, ready to tackle the rest of the day. A little cautionary word from the wise (voice of experience?!) remember that if you are sleeping naked to pop that kaftan on, just in case you frighten the life out of someone walking past outside and caught a fleeting glance of you through the window! Your engine should be fully recharged and raring to go in time for any evening activities which lie ahead. And if those plans do include alcohol, remember to take it easy to begin with - have yourself a large, thirst-quenching glass of water before hitting the cocktail list - you need to build up our resistance, otherwise the evening will end far sooner than planned and you’ll be back power napping before you know it!