Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
You need to take an entirely fresh approach to fashion and lifestyle this month. January has been and gone and all those resolutions you made have been broken and grieved over, so now it’s time to put on your big girl pants, pull yourself together, stop lamenting past mistakes and look forward to the future. You need to take baby steps and rather than trying to change everything about your life - just put one small plan into action. That could be anything from deciding to introduce wearing a hat whenever you go out (we fashion gods do love a hat, they’re oh so chic…), or maybe for the braver of you Aquarian water bearers who may be a little averse to water - you could plan on cutting down on the ol’ drinkypoos from Monday to Friday. Best of British luck with that one sweetie as you’ll need nerves of steel to pull that off!!! #NobodySaidItWasEasy #WellWateredNotSlaughtered
You don’t appear to have full control over your emotions this month and yes we know it is the month of love, so you need to be mindful of who and what you choose to shower your affections over - so if you want to claim undying love for the latest Chanel catwalk looks, then who are we to get into a catwalk catfight with?! Or if you are so smitten by Mr Black coffee liquer, you wonder how your life might function without such a cold, dark, bitter temptation in it - we’re totally on board with that too just as long as this is the only Mr you’re obsessing over this month! Under NO circumstances are you to get tearful and obsessed over a real life Mr #IRL! This is totally unacceptable and sweetie, you don’t need this kind of negativity in your life! #RuinMyLipstickNotMyMascara
So Valentine’s Day is over and you’ve had an epiphany! You’ve finally discovered the great love of your life - YOU! Yes, YOU! It’s a revelation and has been staring you in the face, so how has it taken you so long to see what was so blindingly obvious? Now that you’ve seen the light, you need to prioritise you! May we boldy suggest you spoil yourself rotten with copious amounts of Marc De Champagne Truffles, washed down with fine champagne. Perhaps brunch at The Ritz followed by a stroll down Bond Street (obviously maxing out your bank account in the process). And to finish off, dinner and an overnight stay at The Dorchester before your flight to Bora Bora the following day. A tad extravagant? Possibly but so what! You’re a woman in love. Skint til payday? No problem. Party vicariously. Girls’ night in, bring a bottle, chips n dips, and settle down to watch the Sex And The City boxset. Again! #BecauseImWorthIt
Compared to your usual sartorial standards, you may be unusually interested in knitwear this month, as the temperature has plummeted and here in good old Blighty, we’ve actually experienced the white stuff - and by that we mean snow - the stuff which falls from the sky, not Columbian marching powder - just for the record, we fashion gods are very anti drugs - ‘Just Say No’ (Grange Hill throwback)!!! So back to the knitwear, you Taurean bull in the wool shop! It’s soft and cuddly, like being enveloped in a big hug and oh-so-stylish as you can dress it up or down. Just a small word of warning - make sure you follow the washing instructions to the letter or you may end up with knitwear only fit for Peter Pan’s pal Tinkerbell or Madame Olympe Maxime from Harry Potter. So don’t be a nitwit, be a knit-wit sweetie! #DryCleanersHereICome
You’re known for having deep emotions and this month will be particularly hard as fashion weeks are kicking off all across the globe and NOTHING brings out your Gemini twin emotions more than either screaming incredulously at the runway shows (what the hell were they thinking when they dreamed up this collection!?!) or cooing, oohing and aaahing at the sheer genius of your favourite designers. You can experience dizzying highs and worrying lows as the models show off the latest offerings for 2018 but for the love of god - get a grip. It’s only fashion, you’re not legally obliged to wear this stuff and also nobody is forcing you to at gunpoint either sweetie! So may we suggest you just use these shows as inspiration and enjoy them as entertainment and if that still doesn’t work - drink gin!!! #GinTwin #LetTheGoodTimesBeGin...
This month you have reached a breakthrough with your finances so you should give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. Bravo sweetie, you got through a whole month without having to live off Pot Noodle AND your bank manager didn’t have to resort to putting up wanted posters for taking the p**s or cancel your cards. Now that you’ve finally managed your wages, this is largely down to the shops having had the most incredible sales where you still satisfied your fashion addiction, but at a 50-70% reduction. HOWEVER, all good things, and sales, must come to an end, so it’s time to be a bit more responsible. Oh who are we kidding?! Just spend what you want, it’s the shortest month of the year and Pot Noodle ain’t *that* bad, especially the Bombay Bad Boy!!! And you dear Cancer, you’ll be the best dressed crab on the block for miles! #NothingTastesAsGoodAsHavingAFabulousWardrobe
Your motivation is fascinating this month. Usually fashion shopping and nights out sipping cocktails dominate your time and thoughts but this month you take a step in another direction. You want to work on yourself from the inside out and are gravitating towards health food stores, yoga and juicing! Now this may be a little confusing but just go with it...You can still be you - imagine all those fabulous yoga outfits you can buy? and shopping is shopping, no matter what you buy, as a recovering shopaholic, you’ll still get that buzz!!! AND juicing can be fun and tasty (honest!) - lots of fruit (for the new and healthy you) and maybe a little rum (so you don’t become a boring, insufferable - ‘my body is a temple’ type)!!! More ‘Hip Hop’ than ‘Chip Shop’ this month!
This month calls for you to be coolly logical after the madness that was ‘The January Sales’. You shopped til you dropped and you tackled the bargain hunting like a perfectly coordinated military operation. Clothes are hung in the wardrobe with shoes and accessories perfectly arranged so not only can you admire them, but on a more practical note, they are ready to be worn at the drop of a hat! And by the way, we are so loving Russian fur hats at the moment. So fashionably fabulous darling and oh-so-warm! Now it’s time to get out there and show off those fabulous acquisitions, so bust out that diary and get it filled with wonderful social events where you can play your favourite role - The Queen Of Fashion! #AlwaysWearYourInvisibleCrown #OperationCatwalk
CONGRATULATIONS! You survived dry January - just! So now that’s out of the way, it’s time to let normal business resume. It’s time to re-invigorate that fabulous personality sweetie as it had become quite apparent that you became a little dull and lost your sparkle. So now it’s onwards and upwards. You will be the toast of the town again. All that’s required is a diary crammed full of nights out. No need to be a shrinking violet, so don’t forget those leisurely lunches over some champers. Book in with your hair stylist and beauty therapist. Visit that magical happy place (your wardrobe) and break out a killer outfit AND return to your default persona, preferably with cocktail in hand - we hear parma violet gin cocktails are all the rage for recovering shrinking violets!
You are particularly irritated by the lack of appreciation for the oversized sleeves that you have been wearing recently. Don’t people realise that they’re having a moment right now? Obviously not sweetie! BUT please don’t get stressed out and all indignant. Just let your sleeves do the flouncing! Some people just don’t get fashion and while we understand that this is personal preference and each to their own etc etc, we firmly believe that fashion should be compulsory on the school curriculum EVERYWHERE, and maybe (just maybe) we wouldn’t have to put up with people committing such atrocious crimes against fashion - and we all know someone who’s guilty of that!!!
This month sees a tug-of-war begin between your heart and your head. Your heart is all of a flutter with the images of you parading around town in the latest catwalk offerings. If you close your eyes, your imagination runs riot and you’re swathed in clothing and accessories so delicious, you’re drooling! Now for the REALITY CHECK! When the head kicks in and informs you in no uncertain terms that unless you: a) Rob a bank (not advisable); b) A rich relative leaves you a stash of money in their will (highly unlikely); or c) You sell one of your organs for medical research (not very practical as you will still need most if not all of them sweetie!), then in all likelihood the head is going to win! Our advice? Pour yourself a generous G&T, close those eyes and dream away…
You have a yearning for a new adventure. Life has become a little boring and predictable, so it’s time to shake it up! But how do you do this? We the fashion gods are here to help with some fabulous suggestions to breathe new life into your humdrum existence! Our first suggestion is to distill your own gin. That way you’ll always have your favourite tipple to hand, especially impressive when entertaining. Or buy yourself a sewing machine and start watching YouTube tutorials on how to make clothes. Just imagine all those fabulous, unique designs you’ll be able to make and wear - the possibilities are endless! And we’ve saved the best ‘til last! Teach English ABROAD! Imagine all those exotic locations you can visit and the best bit is you don’t have to learn anything as you already speak the lingo - JACKPOT!!!! With apologies to Elizabeth Gilbert (and Julia Roberts), never mind Eat, Pray, Love...Gin, Stitch, Teach! #SpiceUpYourLife #MixItUp