The hottest topic in town: Menopausal Hotties...

To flush or hot to flush that is the question...

Yes it’s one of the hottest topics of all for us menopausal hotties.

So here’s how it generally goes…

You’re going about your daily business feeling perfectly/relatively ‘normal’, maybe having a chat, a bit of fun, shopping, watching TV or working on a project, life is good...then boom!! ????

Screeching brakes. Hold the front page. Stop the press. You feel it. The beast within. The fiery furnace is awakening… First a rumble in your tummy, next - and within a heartbeat - you go from being cool, calm and collected to a hot smouldering mess with beads of perspiration gathering on your top lip and forehead; becoming a rather unbecoming clammy bundle of stickiness.

Your focus is well and truly hijacked. Dropping everything else, you act fast - in a flash you’ve channelled your inner Usain Bolt of clothes-removal, fired up your hand-held fans, frantically disrobing while waving your hands in front of your face like a demented windmill, huffing and puffing like a mother about to give birth, while simultaneously mopping your brow with your arm. ALL of the above and more, while trying to look inconspicuous.

It really is quite a spectacular feat which takes concentration, lightning-fast reactions and dexterity.

To the uninitiated looking on, from a non-menopausal perspective this may be viewed as manic behaviour. But to those of us in the know, we recognise it in a heartbeat, half thanking the lord it’s not us practicing the hottie ‘Flush dance’ - not to be confused with a famous film Flashdance!

Us hotties have learnt that it’s futile trying to disguise it. Come on hotties, we may as well own it, go ahead and perfect that flush dance sister. You know what they say: “go big or go home!”

In fact fellow hotties, we should unite on a mission to make the world aware. Let’s take our hotties ‘Flush dance’ to social media - let’s go viral! Move over ‘Floss’, there’s a new dance in town - the flush dance is here.

I’m almost afraid to say the daily flushes are just a teaser for what’s to come after dark. Oh man, prepare yourselves for the infamous dreaded ‘night sweats’.

As a side note, I’ve often wondered why we don’t turn into shrivelled prunes overnight considering how much we flush and perspire during the night shift!

These days I’m pleased to report these are no longer an issue. As if by magic they’ve disappeared almost as quickly as they came (fingers crossed they never return). However, I do still break out in a cold sweat remembering this nightly terror - where your clean fresh sheets are nearly always moist, with your very own full body-sized damp patch imprinted on the sheets - on the plus side, at least it’s your own damp spot...

In order to cope with this ‘heat wave’, I deployed a different dance routine for bedtime which I found useful and would like to share. I’m sure most of my fellow hotties will recognise this or something very similar.

I like to call the hottie pokey, it goes a little like this:

You put your one leg in, your one leg out, in out, in out and wiggle it about.
You do the hottie pokey and you toss around, that’s what it’s all about.
Oohhh the bloody hottie pokey, ohhh the bloody hottie pokey.
In out, in out and wriggle it about...

Not a dance any hottie enjoys, but essential.

You’d think with all this movement, dancing and sweating that the weight would simply drop off right? Well not on your Nelly! In fact quite the opposite. Grrrr! For flip sake, what the f*ck?! despite all this frenetic activity, somehow you still manage to gain a pound or several. Total mind f*ck!

On a positive note I suppose we could agree we save on the household heating bills (more spare income for shoes) AND we stay agile. Every cloud eh?!

We are also handy in snowstorm conditions. Like the true hottie superheroes that we are, we simply melt ice with the sheer proximity of our super smoking-hot bodies. Who needs a furnace or (faux) fur coat?! We have a permanent inner heating system that NEVER breaks down .

So here’s a few tips which helped me to manage and tame that fiery beast:

• Limit your tea/coffee (and other caffeine drinks/products), especially before bedtime.
• Try and wear natural fabrics as much as possible.
• Try to wear loose, fine layers of clothing that can be easily removed.
• Cotton sheets are a MUST.
• Peppermint oil dabbed on your pulse points gives a cooling effect.
• Use a summer quilt all year long.
• Invest in a fan - it’s a hotties (new) best friend.

Of course there is a myriad of prescription/non prescription remedies available, and it’s important to take time to educate yourself, by speaking with your health professionals before making informed decisions that are right for you. Be warned though - this can sometimes feel like a game of trial and error. Perseverance is key. Hang on in there soldier!

Do you have any flush stories, tips, advice or remedies which have worked well for you or a friend?

Together let’s flush out those flushes. Don’t be shy now, share your story, we are all ears!

At least we can take some comfort in the knowledge that, amongst all this hotness, there are some benefits to be had.

If you’re happy to be ‘too hot too handle’, have a fabulous Christmas break. Otherwise I wish you a cool, flush-free Christmas.

Just a Christmas cracker note be sure to keep the mistletoe to hand, as the next couple of issues we will be taking a little sneak peak before delving into love, lust and energy as menopausal hotties... Ooh errr missus..

Love Julie x

xxx