Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
A burst of energy will propel you to great heights this month; we are talking SpaceX stratospheric! You are on fire with your fashion choices and dare we say it, but every outfit you choose will be legendary - yes we dare. They will be so fabulous sweetie that you will achieve social media greatness. We’re talking likes, follows, shares (all meaningless BS - but, hey ho, everyone loves a little bit of adulation!) Everyone will want a piece of you! They will want to be your friend, pick your sartorial brains, and bask in your glory. Just beware - these people are what we call ‘fickle friends’ and should your light ever dim - well to be brutally honest - they will vanish into the ether faster than the Starman in his Tesla Roadster!
It is understandable that you feel rather dubious about what to wear at the moment. The UK doesn’t know whether it’s coming or going weather wise. One minute it’s snowing, the next it’s warm and sunny, then gale force winds and to finish off, we’re flooded out with rain. So given all that, then how on earth are you able to navigate your wardrobe properly! Remember the Scout and Girl Guide motto ‘Be Prepared’? An organised fashionista will always have the emergency staples to hand in her wardrobe so she is always prepared and ready at the drop of a hat (or snowflake, or raindrop). Raincoat, warm cardigan, umbrella, boots - these are some examples of what needs to be in your capsule wardrobe at all times - along with a sneaky stash in your hip flask (strictly for medicinal purposes and, Dutch courage to brave the elements!) #NoSuchThingAsBadWeather_OnlyInappropriateClothing
The saying ‘love is a battlefield’, expresses exactly where your relationship with your wardrobe is at this month. Sometimes you love your clothes, they make you look good and take you to your ‘happy place’. Sometimes you loathe them, especially when you have indulged in way too much chocolate and wine, and the sewing fairies have crept into your wardrobe and taken your clothes in...! *cough* Sometimes an outfit will work perfectly and you look a million dollars and sometimes it can all go t*ts up and you end up looking like you got dressed in the dark! It’s a constant tug-of-war - a battle you will NEVER win so why bother trying?! Our advice is to just go with the flow sweetie. You’re only human after all and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You need to perfect the art of not giving a f**k!
This is a confusing month for you as you are torn between how best to use your hard earned cash. It’s holiday booking season and so the annual dilemma presents itself. Do you go all out and book an extravagantly over-the-top luxury holiday that may require a little extra financial help and forever in the debt of Mr Barclay? Or do you book a modest, affordable break without having to resort to auctioning off a kidney on eBay? Decisions, decisions!!! All we can advise sweetie is to pour yourself a very large brandy - it’s so comforting and soothing, and if we’re totally honest, it makes us feel more grown up! - and do some real soul searching, as only you know how well you could cope with hunger and poverty.
If you can’t have the whole package - are you willing to settle for a small portion of said package? In basic terms you’re faced with a recurring problem. There’s an important event in your diary and you want to go all out and purchase a fabulous outfit complete with accessories, manicure, pedicure, hair and makeup, hell you may even throw in a fake tan. The only thing stopping you is the realisation that this little lot will cost a small fortune and if you’re totally honest with yourself sweetie the thought of rationing your lifestyle for the next few months is SO NOT WORTH IT!!! So be brave, suck it up and maybe just buy some new accessories to reinvent an old outfit. Be inventive, be unique, be totally pi**ed off that you’re not outrageously rich.
Goals interrupted? Well sweetie it’s time to hoist yourself back up onto the wagon and refocus your attention on them. After all, fail to plan and you plan to fail! Goals are there to motivate you, to give you something to aim for, a purpose, for you to accomplish things or any other motivational cr*p you can think of to make you get off your butt and strive to achieve anything other than languishing on the sofa watching the latest Netflix box set! But let’s not run before we can walk. You need to take baby steps and put one goal in your diary for the week ahead. Once achieved - repeat the action until this becomes a familiar part of your life and makes you feel good about yourself again. P.S. Abstaining from alcohol, internet shopping and binge eating chocolate does NOT count as achieving a goal!!!
Easter has taken its toll on your mind and body and so you have retreated into hibernation, until the time comes when you feel ready to face the world again! After four loooong days off work where your brain has stagnated from binge watching films, which, if you’re totally honest, the majority were children’s films! Well you couldn’t leave the house as the UK was forecast to have more snow and floods - a mini ‘Beast from the east’; and you couldn’t take the risk of venturing outside to face the elements! Added to the sad fact that you ate your weight in Cadbury’s Creme Eggs and roast potatoes, washed down with a most unladylike amount of Guinness! What were you thinking? You’d be blessed with the luck of the Irish and not develop a bloated stomach, requiring an elasticated waistband til the end of the month? #DreamOnSucker
You need to focus on getting the nuts and bolts of your life in order. The more structured and detailed your plan - the more successful you will become. That body of yours needs to be a temple both inside and out. You need to feed it healthy, wholesome food and ban all the toxic cr*p contraband, including *gasp, shock, horror* alcohol! Be brave sweetie - you can do it. You’re made of tough stuff and can overcome anything you put your mind to. Your body will also need exercising regularly and consistently; not the ”I’ve been to the gym three times this week and expect to have the body of an athlete.” Get a grip - do you honestly believe it’s that easy to achieve greatness? Plus you’ll need to dress that body in spectacular style. And THAT, is where the fun really begins…
This month you need to prioritise your dreams. Dreams are important for our wellbeing. They give us hope and allow us to indulge in daydreams and fantasies; and who doesn’t love indulging their fantasies?! Imagine a life of all work and no play? BORING!!! It doesn’t bear thinking about! We place having a life devoid of dreams and fantasies in the same category as a life with no champagne and chocolate. Unthinkable, unlikely, unbearable and not going to bl**dy happen any time soon! So sweetie; dream big and by big we mean gargantuan! Dream lots, it’s perfectly acceptable to daydream several times a day - who’s counting? And indulge in as many of your fantasies as is humanly possible - just keep it clean(-ish) and private!!!
You have no shortage of superfans as your wardrobe choices have been nothing short of magnificent lately. You are on a roll and your confidence is on another level. You have the Midas touch and almost everything you put together screams “I am a fashionista extraordinaire!” You need to channel your energies into making this run of wonderful outfits continue into the future and beyond. Burnout is not an option! With this in mind you need to make sure you are well nourished, and by that we mean good, wholesome food and not have Domino’s Pizza on speed dial! Food to feed the brain and keep it brimming full of creative ideas. You will also need to keep hydrated. AND again we must stress, by that we mean lots of water and not alcohol!!!
Another day, another fashion dilemma!!! It’s the story of your life sadly. As a self-confessed fashionista and perfectionist, you have a reputation to uphold; unfortunately when you are out and about, you can’t be spotted looking anything other than utterly fabulous! This can be quite exhausting, both mentally and physically. HOWEVER, you chose this vocation in life sweetie and once you’ve fallen down this particular rabbit hole, it’s quite tricky to pull yourself out. But do you really want to pull yourself out? NO!!! You were born to stand out, and looking amazing is part of your DNA. So my darling, it’s business as usual - looking fabulous, feeling fabulous and inspiring others to take a leaf out of your book!
You’re eager to jump on that plane which will transport you to sunnier climes. There’s just one teenie, tiny problem - you haven’t booked it. Yet!!! STOP...REWIND...to a few weeks ago when you decided you needed a break in the sun. Try to remember why the hell you didn’t book it!!! Oh yes….that’s right….you told yourself you’d do it at the weekend then got distracted by a night out (needed a new outfit which was obviously a higher priority), then you were so hungover the next day, even your own mother barely recognised you (appalling behaviour!). And now you have no holiday to go on! Our advice is to hot foot it to the travel agents pronto to take pity on your lost soul - HOPE they have some last minute offers and PRAY to god it’s not a 1* B&B in the backstreets of Benidorm!