Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
You can never plan too far ahead and while people might be alarmed that you’ve already started preparation for your summer 2018 holiday, just think how smug you’ll feel that you managed to snap up so many bargains in the bikini and beachwear sales. A savvy fashionista will know what suits their figure and looks good on them so they can feel safe and secure in the knowledge that they will be smoking hot on the beach next year and will have saved quite a few pennies in the process as well - BONUS!!! Extra cash for cocktails AND you won’t won’t have to slug it out when everyone else is panic buying the weekend before they jet off…it’s so not a good look trying to wrestle a bikini thong from a disgruntled shopper in the middle of a department store!
Keep your fashion passion under control this month sweetie. YES, we know that Christmas is fast approaching and anticipation is building as the the office party rears its ugly head; and while many see this momentous occasion as an act of shameless drunken displays and debauched behaviour with excessive indulgence in sex, alcohol and drugs, you however see this as an opportunity to show off your latest, most amazing, to die for outfit which has been meticulously planned for the last few months. Just make sure you turn up early, before people hit the bottle so you can debut your outfit before their eyes glaze over and double vision sets in!
Throwing money at something that is so obviously not right for you is about as stupid and beneficial as setting fire to a wad of £20 notes. So listen very carefully - we shall say this only once...STOP bloody buying skinny jeans!!! They do not suit your shape and you end up looking like Max Wall or Russell Brand (not even on a good day!) AND that’s only after it’s taken you an hour to slavishly shoehorn yourself into them! We feel your pain when you watch the likes of Kate Moss rock them so effortlessly, but don’t beat yourself up - they are not for everyone. Just take the time to find the perfect pair for you and when you find that ‘holy grail’ of jeans, we strongly recommend you buy a few dozen pairs and then celebrate with copious amounts of fizz.
You are well within your rights to ignore valuable fashion information that you find uncomfortable and quite possibly hard to comprehend. Even though you have pledged a lifelong allegiance to the house of Chanel, and you’re a diehard superfan of Karl Lagerfield, you are questioning what the hell was he thinking when he opted for clear PVC knee length boots and rain hats for the S/S 2018 campaign?! Can you really see this latest trend strutting down a high street near you anytime soon?! NO. And neither can we! Sorry Karl - much as we do love you we simply CANNOT embrace this bonkers trend - so it’s a big NO from us!
You’ve been keeping a low profile lately and that’s most unlike you! It’s not in your nature to be the shy, retiring type, and sweetie, you were born to shine and stand out. So here’s some friendly advice - pull yourself together and get a grip! You’re a fashionista darling and you have a reputation to uphold! Get your head out of the clouds and back in your iPad which quite frankly has been left wondering where the hell you’ve been for the past month. Dust it off, switch it on, engage in some online shopping (we suggest net-a-porter.com), and start filling that diary with as many fabulous social engagements as possible. It’s time to rejoin the land of the living!
No one works harder than you at putting a party together. You take your hostess duties very seriously, so much so that you turn into a raving lunatic, barking orders and snapping at people in your quest for perfection. You morph into the regimental sergeant major role perfectly as you meticulously go through the itinerary with military precision and execute it flawlessly! The only downside to your organisational greatness is that friends and family can’t stand to be within a mile of you. In fact they have even been known to flee leave the country. Calm down sweetie - take a deep breath, step away from your clipboard, pour yourself a LARGE prosecco and cut yourself - and everybody else around you - some slack, or you’re going to end up with an empty event!
You need to help promote an organisation you’re proud to be associated with. Being a fully fledged fashionista is your life - it’s all that matters. It’s the reason you exist. It’s why you get up in the morning. It brings your life meaning. It’s fun and frivolous. It allows you to be artistic and creative. It makes you stand out and gives you the licence to be different and unique. It really is the cherry on top of your cake! So shout it from the rooftops sweetie - loud and proud - “I am a fashionista til the day I die!” Just be a tad careful that you A. Don’t get arrested or B. Carted off to an asylum to be evaluated!
Surround yourself with fashion, beauty, comfort and deliciously decadent fizz this month as the nights draw in and you find yourself being drawn towards cosy nights in with friends, family or your significant other! You just need to practice the fine art of internet shopping whilst watching Stranger Things. And because we are feeling generous - we are going to impart this top tip. As the room will probably be dark to add ambience to the scary Stranger Things, use shopping sites which take PayPal. That way you won’t have to fumble in your handbag for your debit card and try to read the number off it while strategically positioning it in front of the screen!
You may feel like splurging a bit more liberally than usual as the shops spring into festive action - tempting us to part with our hard earned cash in the most devious of manners. Just stay strong and don’t give in to temptation YET! There is plenty of time for Christmas party outfit shopping. If you just hold on a few more weeks you will hit the jackpot as the pre-Christmas sales will be thrust upon you like a hurricane force storm. You’ll be knocked sideways with all the amazing bargains on offer, and with the money saved that’s extra cash in your Christmas party drink fund!
You feel that unless you act quickly you may miss out on a golden opportunity. Well sweetie NOW is the time to act as there is nothing worse than living with regrets. And we’ve all been there - standing in the shop with the most gorgeous outfit in our hands - we know it will look simply amazing but yet we hesitate, wondering if we can justify the price tag. LISTEN UP SWEETIE - NEVER, EVER, leave a fabulous outfit in the shop just because you are concerned about the cost. If needs be you will go hungry for the next few weeks, walk to work, and even - gasp, shock, horror - give up cocktails a few nights a month - the opportunities are endless, quite painless if we’re totally honest AND all totally worth it when you rock that awesome outfit.
This month you need to take things one step at a time - the festive season is almost upon us and that in itself presents a 101 problems. Where do you spend Christmas? And whose family will you offend this year?! Then there’s the whole palaver of buying gifts - which to be honest is rather a large pain in the arse! We suggest gift cards - fuss free, easily ordered and that way everybody is happy as they don’t have to look pleased when they open their present to see a hideous scarf or another pair of socks! And don’t get us started on how busy EVERYWHERE seems to be! Don’t people shop for the other 51 weeks of the year? WHERE DO THEY ALL COME FROM? The mind boggles. Anyway sweetie, as we said earlier - take things one step at a time, AFTER you’ve consumed your body weight in fizz!
Give someone the benefit of the doubt if they start being friendly all of a sudden after many months of not talking to you or even making eye contact for that matter. It’s quite easy to see the worst in people, HOWEVER do proceed with caution! You are not a pushover and there’s no way will you have the wool pulled over your eyes sweetie. It’s time to turn detective and get to the bottom of the sudden onset of friendliness and let’s hope that it’s just a case of you were far too fabulous, well-dressed and confident for them to approach you. Ah bless their little cotton socks. If this is the case then take them under your wing and show them the way. If not - and their intentions are not honourable - let battle commence!