Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Never underestimate the importance of underwear! You may be lulled into a false sense of security, thinking ‘out of sight, out of mind’, BUT do not fear, the fashion gods are here to help stop you falling into this potentially embarrassing trap. Always wear flesh coloured underwear - this will not show through any garments - and never wear a black bra under a white top if you’re fair skinned - only Sex & The City’s Carrie Bradshaw can get away with this look (just), and she’s a fictional character! Channel some ‘bra Zen’ not brazen. Buy a size bigger than you are - that way they will fit better and not dig in leaving you with the dreaded VPL, or worse, emphasising that muffin top or giving you four breasts! And if you are brave enough to do a Bridget Jones - get the big knickers and Spanx out. Just make sure if the night looks like it is going to end in a spot of passion remove them first! #FromPassionKillerToPassionThriller #DontBeArseyMrDarcy
A hidden benefactor will help enormously with your shopping wish list this month. Don’t question the why’s, how’s or anything else. Just embrace this stroke of luck and do what any respectable fashionista would do in this situation. SHOP! Like your life depends on it. In fact, shop until you totally drop! Don’t feel ANY guilt about spending. The question of ‘save it for a rainy day’, fleetingly enters your mind but is swiftly dismissed with a “Hell no!” As far as you’re concerned it might rain every single day, so you really, really do need that mini embellished jacquard tote - it could actually change your life. #LastNightAToteSavedMyLifeFromABrokenHeart... A tad melodramatic? Maybe, but hey ho, you’re a born diva!
#ToSpendOrNotToSpend? #WhataStupidQuestion! #HeyBigSpender
Past disappointments are on your mind a lot lately. Fashion mistakes and accessory blunders weigh heavy. You over analyse every fashion choice you’ve ever made; quite frankly sweetie you’ve reached burnout and should head for the nearest F.A.A. (Fashion Addicts Anonymous). #SweetFAA...
Not one in your area? Don’t worry - just set up your very own group. You’ll be surprised how many struggling fashion addicts there are out there - each and every one of them in need of love, affection and that all important reassurance that they’ve still got the flare and ability to create the most fabulous of outfits. A problem shared is a fashion addict rejuvenated. You could even clothes ‘swop’ rather than ‘shop’ #WinWin!
Your expertise in accessorising attracts a lot of attention from friends and family. Compliments are flying your way and boy are you in demand for fashion advice! You wonder if all this adulation will go to your perfectly hat-adorned head - hats are all the rage this season sweetie, didn’t you know? But the fashion gods respectfully want to remind you that although you are riding high you are just a mere mortal and eventually you will “come a cropper”! That’s ok - just be prepared to accept that not all your fashion choices will be revered AND don’t ever make the same mistake again!
#FollowYourFashionHeartButTakeYourBrainWithYou #IfYouWantToGetAheadGetAHat #FashionHitOrMissOrDiss
It may seem like things are never going to change - like your opinion on Crocs for example! But fear not. Just because you will NEVER EVER put those ‘shoes’ on your feet - even if hell does freeze over! - doesn’t mean you can’t embrace change in other areas of fashion and life. Change can be hard and challenging as you like to be firmly entrenched in your comfort zone and stick with what you already know and like. So Crocs aside puhhhhlease! (and we can safely say that we feel your pain and totally understand and sympathise) - it’s time to embrace your wild side, throwing caution (and Crocs) to the wind! Be daring and try things you wouldn’t normally try. Go mad on florals, trial a jumpsuit, indulge in a ridiculous pair of flatforms even. Just have fun and embrace change - just do it in the privacy of your own home first and get an honest opinion from someone you trust before going public sweetie!
#FashionChangesCrocsDont! #WhatACroc #MockTheCroc
Are you listless and lacking in enthusiasm for all things fashion? Have you lost your shopping mojo? Is your appreciation for handbags and shoes dwindling? If you can answer yes to such soul-searching questions then please, for the love of God - pull yourself together sweetie! Fashion is a full-time job - if your dreams are not consumed by erotic thoughts of Chanel and Prada, then quite frankly darling, you have no business calling yourself a fashionista. Shake it off and get your act together! Get out the box set of Sex & The City and binge watch with prosecco on tap (or should that be a cosmopolitan?!) And don’t stop watching until your fashion mojo rears its fabulous head! Let’s hear no more of this nonsense!
#WhatWouldKarlSay? #OMG!YouDontKnowWhoKarlIs? #FashionistaImposter
It’s almost the end of the month and there is light at the end of the tunnel. A light that is illuminating your payslip - and it’s shining bright - it has a halo around it! The light is blinding and as you walk towards it - it begins to fade...The faster you walk - the further away that payslip falls. You begin to panic and pick up the pace. You’re running now - as fast as your legs can carry you and your hands are stretched out in front of you - waiting to grab that payslip - but you can’t reach it! You collapse on the floor - tears roll down your cheek and then... you let out an almighty howl - almost animal like. And then, the moment of truth - you wake up! Really darling you need to stop drinking so much prosecco before you go to bed - this is getting out of hand! You need to break the cycle and dare we say ‘start budgeting’! Oh, who are we kidding? Just brave it out sweetie.
As you prepare yourself to say ‘au revoir’ to the spring and ‘bonjour’ to the summer - your mind drifts away as you picture yourself having picnics by the river, barbecues on the beach, long walks along the shore and wearing bloody wellington boots at Party in the Park! Yes that’s right sweetie, Britain in the summer = rain! which means umbrellas, rain macs and washed out events. Garden parties held under marquees - outdoor events being switched to indoor venues last minute to avoid people getting drenched. So listen up. Take this as your official warning - so there are no excuses! Now is the time to source 1. Fabulous umbrella. 2. Snazzy looking rain mac. 3. Fashionable pair of wellies. And if after all this advice you still are unprepared then make sure you have lots of Lemsip to hand to deal with the horrendous snuffles you’ll get from being drenched. No Sympathy!
#DontYouJustLoveTheBritishWeatherNot #BrollyDolly #MacsAreBack #WelliesDontHaveToBeSmelly
Your intuition is on super high alert in anticipation of the upcoming end of season sales. You need to prepare and plan your strategic assault on your chosen shops, whether they be on the High Street or online. With online shops, you need to be meticulous as you assess each one individually. Set up your wish lists, adding all desired clothes and accessories to it. You may need to pull several all-nighters for this arduous task, so make sure you have enough wine and nibbles to see you through! Don’t worry about lack of sleep - you can catch up on that when you know those parcels have been dispatched and are on their way to their new home - your wardrobe. Now with shops on the High Street we strongly suggest making friends with the shop assistant - perhaps shower her with compliments/flowers/gifts, until she puts aside those targeted items you desire or just simply have to have else you just might die! A tad dramatic but all is fair in love and fashion shopping!
The hustle and bustle of life is proving to be very overwhelming of late. You just need to take a step back, breathe and relax. Block out your calendar for the week. Turn off social media and have some quality ‘me’ time. You need to detox your brain and stop worrying so much. Try watching some mindless TV, or reach for a trashy novel - we’re thinking Jackie Collins or E L James. Nothing that taxes the brain too much. Pull out your ‘comfies’ then get (box) set to indulge in some naughty food and drink cocktails like they’re going out of fashion. A whole new meaning to ‘Netflix n chill’! After a week of such decadent loafing, you’ll feel quite comatose and that sweetie, is when you’ll need to return to the land of the living. Step away from the alcohol - engage the brain - put on a fabulous outfit and prepare to face your public!
#ChillTheF**kOutOccasionally #ButReturnToTheRealWorld #CouchSlouch #StepOffTheHamsterWheel
Unexpected developments start you wondering - what is life all about? You start to question your very existence and your place in this world. You ask yourself “Do I really need to travel the world and spend my days lounging on exotic beaches? Is fashion the be all and end all? Do I need to have a job which makes me money rather than makes me happy?” Oh for pity’s sake - of course you do! Let’s be realistic here. You are frivolous and fun, you love to party, drink champagne and eat in lovely restaurants. You NEED your exotic holidays #Lifeline and who cares if you loathe your boss, so long as the money keeps coming in to fund all this, plus your out of control shopping habit! #FirstWorldProblems… You’re a fashionista darling not Mother Earth or a guru in the making - so stop kidding yourself and embrace the life you lead. Ditch the sackcloth and ashes - they weren’t a good look then, and they’re not a good look now!
Refuse to panic when that outfit which has been hanging in your wardrobe for the last few months - in anticipation of wearing it to an upcoming, important work party - doesn’t quite fit you as well as you’d hoped! There’s absolutely no point in having a tantrum resulting in huge puffy eyes, a runny nose and a thumping headache! That’s not a good look sweetie and it’s certainly won’t make that dress fit any better than it did pre-tantrum. You need to take this one on the chin. Now take a big deep breath to calm yourself and make a swift visit to the land of wardrobe! #SuckItUpButtercup... Now any self-respecting fashionista will have many backup outfits to suit any occasion at her disposal and it’s just a case of putting together the right ensemble, to ensure all eyes are on you! #EyesOnThePrize
#MyFashionGameIsStrong #YodaWouldBeProud #PullOnYourBigGirlPantsAndGetOnWithIt