34. Osteoporosis Hotties – there is light at the end of this tunnel as we approach the final symptom of the reported 34 symptoms associated with the peri/menopause journey! However, we don’t wish to rain on your parade but do please be aware ladies that this $hit show, aka Mother Nature’s special gift to us women, will ALWAYS be on the sidelines, ready to throw a wee spanner in the works, so don’t mind us if we highlight yet ANOTHER …
33. Panic Attacks PANIC STATION!!!!! You’re about to start the peri/menopause journey where the body you (thought you) once knew physically changes before your very eyes, performing the most bizarre tricks, whilst inducing a whole new host of symptoms, including alarming batshit crazy antics, known to wo(man)… whilst conducting Jedi mind tricks! Could this little box of delights possibly bring on panic attacks? Well duh! No shit Sherlock?! Even if you are made of the super strong stuff, we’d bet …
32. Irritability When your nearest and dearest accuse you of spending far too much time in the company of the following people: …is it time to admit that you have turned into a right irritable f*cker?! Or are you just suffering from yet another precious gift bestowed upon you by Mother Nature, as you navigate that exhausting, mind-boggling journey called the peri/menopause? Right then ladies…please be upstanding for symptom number 32: Irritability. Now we all feel a bit antsy or …
31. Heart palpitations For some of us hotties, during the peri/menopause our hearts can beat a little faster than usual! Now one would hope that this was due to our hearts being all of a flutter, intoxicated by the heady feeling of being head over heels in love, alas, whilst that may be the case for the fortunate few, for your average hottie, this is mainly down to that pesky, not so little hormone oestrogen kicking off all sorts of …
30. Hayfever & Allergies “I’ll be back” – those famous immortal words uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator films could have been specifically (m)uttered about the peri/menopause! Why/how you may ask…? Well, just when you thought you were about to make it through to the other side, to escape the onslaught of symptoms thrown at you daily, then lo and behold, they come back at you, sometimes stronger than before, sometimes loaded with a new arsenal of weapons, ready …
29. Body Odour Honk if you ‘ponk’! Are your pits more pungent than normal? Do you stink to high heaven? Is your scent as foul as – or even fouler than – your temper!? Has the putrid pixie waved their whiffy wand over you, casting a spell – or should that be smell – that’s giving you cause for concern? Are you recoiling as the noxious niff of ‘eau de natural moi’ which is wafting its fetid way towards an …
28. Urinary Incontinence There are so many problematic peri/menopause symptoms that come our way, however, this particular symptom can be a rather embarrassing and messy affair, and believe us when we say that nobody is pi$$ing themselves laughing when it comes to our next symptom – urinary incontinence – even though we actually are pi$$ing ourselves when we laugh! A hearty chuckle or good old belly laugh can cause anything from a small dribble to an avalanche of pee escaping …
27. Poor Sleep When Forrest Gump claimed, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get”, he could have been describing menopause because as we all know ladies, menopause and its barmy symptoms is a complete conundrum – totally befuddling and one hell of a shit show as you try and navigate your journey into the unknown. You could even say it’s batshit crazy! One size most definitely doesn’t fit all and everybody’s journey …
26. Brittle Nails Why would the menopause give me brittle nails? That’s a bloody good question, however, from experience, we know that the peri/menopause journey is not a straightforward one, and a lot of what we experience is completely bat$hit crazy. This may be a tad more unusual than other menopause symptoms but a right royal pain in the arse, especially if you are used to having and love manicured/painted nails. And who doesn’t love a bit of sparkle and …
25. Anxiety The peri/menopause journey is rather like stepping onto a rollercoaster for the first time although with much less choice or warning! You’re scared $hitless because you don’t know how you are going to feel. Or what, or when. You strap yourself in, then somebody comes to check that you’re secured properly. They give you that knowing look – they know what’s ahead but you don’t; then off you go and there’s no stopping it. You’re in for the …
24. Itchy skin We’ve all heard of the seven-year itch, aka someone in a long-term relationship who is feeling unhappy with their partner after several years, and considering having a sexual relationship with another person… Well get ready for this next itchy revelation fellow Hotties! May we introduce you to the menopause itch! Take note of the following ‘fun’ fact: The menopausal transition usually begins between the age of 45 to 55, often lasting around the seven year mark, but …
