Hottie’s Menopause Manual

11. Headaches Headaches are more common around peri/menopause and, just to clarify hotties, we’re not talking about the ones some of us/you might fake in order to get out of having sex! We’re actually talking about hormonal headaches, the ones that are brought on by our ever-fluctuating, pain in the arse, all over the place and forever-causing-mayhem, hormones. Over 50% of women who report headaches say they more often than not coincide with their periods, producing crippling menstrual migraines. For …

10. Depression Peri/menopausal women can be particularly vulnerable to depression, leaving us that much more sensitive due to hormonal shifts during this time. But how do we differentiate between feeling blue and being depressed? Feeling blue: Down in the dumps Feeling a bit ‘meh’ Bursting into tears over the most mundane $hit ever – sad films reduce you to a snivelling, snotty mess You feel like crap Apathetic and indifferent Even basics like getting dressed seem like a chore You …

9. Mood Swings If your mood changes more erratically than a politician U-turning on what they said a mere 24 hours ago, well fellow Hottie, it’s more than likely that you are experiencing ANOTHER of those pesky peri/menopausal symptoms. Roll up, roll up, it’s time for ‘Mood Swings’ ~ BTW, check this out ~ you will have absolutely NO idea when they are coming! You get ZERO warning. Zilch. Nada. Which is frustratingly ironic when you know that boffins and …

8. Loss of Libido This next symptom on our long and exhaustive list is more than reminiscent of a certain Mr Powers. Austin Powers. Not familiar with ‘his work’? Oh you are so missing a treat Hotties! Austin Powers is a hilarious spoof of James Bond, spanning three films, starring such a wonderful cast of characters with, let’s say, very inventive names such as Alotta Fagina, Ivana Humpalot and Felicity Shagwell; and it is whilst ‘dallying’ with the latter of …

7. Digestive Problems Next up on our list of menopause symptoms is: digestive pain and associated problems from the various changes our bodies undergo during perimenopause, making our bodies more prone to tummy pain. Our digestive system becomes sluggish with our stomachs and intestines emptying at a slower pace, which causes all sorts of noises, movement and pain – cue an ensemble of gurgles and groans accompanied by strange feelings of ‘movement’, ranging from subtle flutters, twinges, bubbling and cramps …

6. Vaginal Dryness Exploring the 34 symptoms, one at a time. Our topic in this month’s issue is ‘vaginal dryness’. Holy Moly! Did you just say dry vagina? Yep, we sure did! This is a sensitive issue for many hotties, although it’s not often the hottest discussion topic on those daytime (or night-time) talk shows. I can’t ever remember hearing a discussion between the presenter and guests going something like: “Ohhh, my vagina is a bit dry today, how’s yours?” …

5. Water & gas bloating Exploring the menopause’s many (or should that be meno?!) symptoms, one at a time! As we whoosh on through our hotties’ list of menopausal symptoms it’s time to brace yourself as we explore ‘water and gas bloating’. Oh yes hotties, we ARE soooo going to go there. Well you could have blown me down with a feather when entering peri menopause. What the actual heck? My abdomen started blowing up and down as if there …

4. Fatigue Well hotties we are getting through our list of 34 reported symptoms of the menopause. Remember, you may not experience them all, or even none at all, but for the majority of us, we will have at least several of these and to varying degrees! This month the focus is on that other ‘F word’ – Fatigue! So if you’re reading this and struggling to stay awake and it’s not ‘cos you’ve been burning the candle at both …

3: Night Sweats Well, hotties we are steadily getting through our list of 34 reported symptoms of the menopause. Remember, you may experience them all or none at all, but for the majority of us, we will have at least several of these to varying degrees. This month we focus on ‘Night Fever’, or more commonly known as Night Sweats. Believe me it’s not half as much fun as getting on the dance ? floor to bust out some John …

2: Hot Flushes It’s time to focus on the second symptom on our list – it’s going to get a little steamy without a sauna in sight – as we get hot under the collar with Hot Flushes – or Flashes – depending which side of the pond you live. Anyhow, whichever way you say it, it’s sizzling hot and not necessarily in a good way! But don’t entirely abandon hope either… Having hot flushes are probably one of THE …

1: Irregular Periods Normally this starts in the run up to the full on menopause, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here hotties, remember to walk before you run. Before we reach the giddy heights of the menopause we go through a stage called the perimenopause. Jeez Louise, it’s like a hormonal assault course out there in our hotties world. So what does this mean for us? How does this perimenopause affect us? And how long will it last? …