The hottest topic in town
Are we feeling swamped fellow hotties?
Do you feel overwhelmed, burdened, snowed under, inundated with stress, anxiety or just continually fire-fighting the everyday bull$hit that keeps coming your way?
You bet your ar$e we are! And then to top it all off, Mother Nature is taking the proverbial pi$$ with all these wonderful symptoms she has bestowed upon us as we hotties navigate the peri/menopause!
As we stumble aimlessly through this tedious chapter of our lives, we long to emerge from the murky swamp of endless crap, hoping to re-emerge as a brand shiny new woman, who has regained their sparkle and is ready to take on the next adventure in life’s journey.
HOWEVER, before we can drag ourselves out of the swamp we have to battle the daily onslaught of random bat$hit crazy symptoms the menopause brings.
And boy are there many to choose from!
The key to surviving this $hit show is to avoid morphing into a swamp monster Every. F*cking. Day. Lashing out as we slowly lose the plot and the ability to see things rationally, especially when we have to deal with – and endure – f*ckwits, who have zero understanding of what we are going through!
This does frequently unleash the beast, and we could quite gleefully cast our nearest and dearest into the infamous ‘bog of eternal stench’ – if you know, you know! But for those of you who don’t, it’s a famous swamp from the film Labyrinth, which stars David Bowie in a rather thrilling pair of tights – cue a Google stampede of **‘ladies of a certain age’, curious to know more…You can thank us later!
** BTW, shout out to the incredible BBC Radio 2’s Sara Cox, who’s denounced this description. She is spectacularly flying the flag for ‘women over 50’ with her 5 marathons in 5 days for Children In Need. Enough of these coy descriptions – be proud and loud – just say what it says on the tin!
Perhaps we hotties should create our very own swamp. We could use it as a dumping ground for all the bull$hit we endure on this testing hormonal journey which we are trying to navigate with the best grace and dignity possible, whilst trying not to lose our $hit in spectacular style every time we have another hot flush, leaving us drenched in sweat and becoming a sticky hot mess, awash with palpitations, stress, anxiety, aching bodies, etc. yada yada, etc. and an insane, pathological need to scream at the next person who has the f*cking audacity to demand your time for tackling the most basic of tasks when they are more than capable of doing it them-bloody-selves! #f*ckwits And breeeeeeeathe!!!!
So maybe the moral to this month’s theme is to lean into and embrace your inner swamp monster – and when needs must (which inevitably, they will!) – bring him out and fill up that dirty old swamp with absolutely everything AND everyone which is annoying the crap out of you AND getting on your very last nerve! Just imagine how quickly you’d fill it up! It would need a team of swampy assistants on standby to keep it well-drained!
And if all else fails. Book yourself a weekend away. Ideally ALONE!
Pack plenty of your favourite treats and relax with some spa treatments, yoga, a walk in nature, get lost in a great book/podcast, listen to some relaxing music or boogie away to some foot-stomping 80s classics. Or you could just settle down in your comfies and pop on the Labyrinth film! A gal’s gotta love a #ManInTights #SorryNotSorry😉
