The hottest topic in town
The magazine is celebrating its 10th birthday ~ a whole decade of mischief, madness and mayhem created by a woman with an abundance of creativity, a wild imagination, coupled with one helluva sense of humour who just happens to be going through the menopause!!
This makes for a pretty unique take on this life-changing event, which left unchecked, can completely take over! If you let it…
SO PAY ATTENTION FELLOW HOTTIES:
We can either attend our very own ‘pity party for one’ every day, drowning in doom and gloom wearing our ‘woe is me hat’, OR, we embrace the madness and look for that silver lining, however f*cking hard it’s trying to hide itself!!
When the peri/menopause $hitstorm rears its ugly head, get out your protective clothing, your weapons of choice, batten down the hatches and get ready to brace yourself against the onslaught of bat$hit crazy symptoms that will tear through your life like a frigging hurricane, turning your life upside down, putting you on your arse, in a daze, wondering just what the f*ck is happening!
Before our birthday celebrations begin, remember that the peri/menopuase journey is a different experience for every woman, and not all menopauses are equal.
- Some hotties will experience a mixture of minor symptoms and annoying disruptions to life.
- The unlucky barstuds amongst us will encounter the whole kit and kaboodle in all of its f*cked up glory!
- And then we have those rare unicorn types – those fortunate enough to magically breeze through it completely unscathed!
When entering the $hitstorm, first up, you need ‘protective clothing’:
An outfit – including hair, makeup and accessories – which makes you look and feel fabulous, ready to take on the world. A good outfit can boost your mood, enhance your confidence and help you feel empowered, which is essential for dealing with irritating symptoms and people, especially those f*ckwits who haven’t got a bloody clue what you are dealing with or going through!
This is your body armour, and it’s essential for tackling this monumental journey whilst putting on a brave face for the world.
Assemble your weapons of choice:
Sense of humour – this is essential for getting through this strange and overwhelming journey, where your body and mind unwillingly take on an assault course where the ups and downs, and twists and turns can resemble the most terrifying rollercoaster ride.
Knowledge is power – arm yourself with as much information as possible. Know your ‘enemy’ and how to deal with it.
Assemble your ‘in case of emergency kit’ – a one-stop-shop box of goodies to get you through the tough times:
First of all, you need a location you can call your very own Narnia – a place you can escape to, ideally where nobody can disturb you. Once there, you can indulge in some well-earned ‘me time’ #selfcare, with any or all of the following fluids, snacks and/or entertainment:
- Your alcoholic tipple of choice – just be careful not to go too OTT!
- A lovely cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate.
- Colourful cocktails or mocktails.
- Whether you’re a choc-o-holic or a crisp ‘n’ nut fiend, always have a secret stash of tasty treats to hand.
- A good book/film/podcast/meditation or a kick ass music playlist, where you can sing at the top of your voice (hairbrush microphone optional) and dance like no one is watching. Shake that booty and twerk away!
Once enough time has passed and you feel ready to join the real world once more, you can leave Narnia, safe in the knowledge that you can return there any bloody time you want!
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER FELLOW HOTTIE: You are a weapon of mass destruction, and woe betide anyone who dares to f*ck with you.
Let’s be honest here ladies. After coping with symptoms that can have such weird and wacky, not to mention debilitating and distressing, effects on your life, then dealing with moronic tw*tspangles will be an absolute walk in the park!
This crappy encounter of the worst kind will not last forever, and you will come out the other side, like a butterfly emerging from its messy, mushy chrysalis, you will be transformed after enduring and overcoming so many challenges.
Your struggles will have helped you grow in strength, resilience and fortitude. You will no longer be a pushover or put up with any crap – you are a Menopause $hitshow Survivor – we are an elite group of f*cking fabulous women, so wear your badge proudly!
This is a new beginning – embrace it with both hands and fly high fellow hottie!t go entirely bat$hit crazy, whichever one is the most achievable of the two. Otherwise, scroll back a bit and reread the Rescue Mission Kit until it becomes a way of life!
