The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual
Let’s create a fun to-do list that we can take out, time after time, and put into practice to help distract us from tThis month’s issue is inspired by the legend of the Yeti, a mythical, ape-like creature that is said to live in the Himalayan mountains, aka the Abominable Snowman.
The Yeti is said to be a large, hairy, manlike animal and although there are many reported sightings of both the Yeti and its footprints, there is no concrete evidence to support its existence – however, remember that old adage: “just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!’
Now that last sentence is our starting point for this month’s friendly advice and ‘wisdom’ we’d like to impart to our fellow hotties’ nearest and dearest, with an additional caveat to that adage!
”Just because you aren’t experiencing our symptoms first hand, it doesn’t mean that they don’t bloody exist!”
So now that we’ve got that off our chest – which incidentally may be a tad sore and sensitive, along with our fragile feelings which BTW are affected by hormonal fluctuations EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. the menopause rears its ugly head – let’s take a closer look at the Menopause and some of the myths surrounding that.
Don’t worry Snopes – we’re not trying to muscle in on your exalted fake news/fact-checking/urban myth-debunking status – this is our own unique take of menopause-myth busting. Let’s see how many of these four #MenoMyths we can debunk, or not!
Meno-Myth #1 “Menopause starts at age 50”
REALLY?! Seriously? Are you frickin’ kidding us?
Try telling that to women in their 30s experiencing (unknowingly) first hand the ‘joys’ of the peri/menopause. It can be a long, arduous journey for most, however, there are some lucky buggers who might fall into the ‘blink and you miss it’ category, you know, the ones we envy and think, how the f*ck did they just breeze through that $hit show without a care in the world, or realising the menopause was indeed happening?! Now that is a mystery!
The menopause is different in each and every one of us – there is no one size that fits all, and there is no explicit set date or symptoms to note in your diary; and as for how long it lasts is like asking how long is a piece of string? Who the f*ck knows?!
What we can tell you however is that the average age of menopause is around 51, but it can range with an early start in the late 30s, all the way up to the late 50s.
So that meno-myth goes up in flames.
Meno-Myth#1: SUCCESSFULLY DEBUNKED!
Meno-Myth #2 “Menopause symptoms are short-lived”
RANT INCOMING IN 3-2-1…Are they having a feckin’ giraffe?!
Or maybe they dwell in a time machine, where they suspend reality and just pop back and forth in a nano-second so they have no actual f*cking concept of time and how long things actually f*cking last or how bad the symptoms can be?
This myth has obviously been dreamt up by one – or even all – of the following:
- A certain type of man, i.e. a clueless cockwomble, with zero understanding of women, nor empathy or stamina required to support their menopausal other half.
- A young woman with absolutely no knowledge of the hormonal $hit show that awaits her in later life!
- A blowhard journalist trying to make a name for themselves, by being deliberately controversial and click-baity, by acting like a total tw*t!
- Those mythical creatures, aka those (unicorn?) women who breeze through their menopause without a care in the world, or even realising what had been happening!
Symptoms can last for months – or years even- affecting each woman differently.
Please refer to previous editions of our Hotties Menopause Manual to swot up on all the weird and not so wonderful symptoms which Mother Nature so generously bestowed upon us lucky ladies!
It’s rather like playing bingo, but with no balls…instead of marking off random numbers, you get to mark off random symptoms, although none of us wants to win a full house!
At very best, the symptoms might reduce and ever so verrry slowly, fade away, but short-lived they ain’t!
Meno-Myth#2: SUCCESSFULLY DEBUNKED!
Meno-Myth #3 “Menopause automatically causes weight gain”
SUCH A CLICHE?!
We hotties could use this myth to our advantage by sitting here stuffing our faces with crap, eating our emotions and downing the booze, all the while justifying it by saying we’re going to gain weight anyway because we’re going through the menopause! But let’s be honest here hotties, that’s just a convenient excuse to justify yet ANOTHER delivery from Just Eat!
We know those pesky hormones can play havoc with our bodies during menopause, and weight gain, although not guaranteed, is a real possibility and can be a challenge. However, that doesn’t mean we give in, admit defeat, and start building our very own muffin top!
When we eat crap, we feel like crap, so eat well by fuelling the body with good nutritious food.
Eat good…feel good…look good!
We have a really good guide in the Hotties Menopause Manual below to make sure you aren’t seduced by the dark side and end up eating your way to a bigger waistline!
Just because weight gain is a possibility, it doesn’t mean it’s an absolute given.
You’re the one in the driving seat and you can steer this myth in the right direction.
P.S. Delete your UberEats app, and think of all the money you’ll save too. Your wallet, waistline and wardrobe will thank you!
Meno-Myth#3: SUCCESSFULLY DEBUNKED!
Meno-Myth #4 “Menopause means you can’t get pregnant”
DON”T BE A GULLIBLE TW*T?!
Believe this myth at your absolute peril!! After speaking to many hotties going through peri/menopause, most confessed to having taken more pregnancy tests in the last couple of years than the whole of their baby-making decades combined! The shared sheer panic felt when they hadn’t had a period for weeks on end…
That million dollar question: “Am I really in the midst of peri/ menopause or did I accidentally get pregnant?”
The cycle of your period will grow more and more erratic as the menopause progresses and even though you’re less likely to get pregnant after age 45, it IS still possible.
To put it bluntly, unless Mother Nature has already come along and hijacked the hottie libido (which is a whole other chapter, and then some!) NO BIRTH CONTROL = NO SEX…
Tho if you fancy your chances and like playing Russian roulette or the lottery, then carry on – just weigh up the risk and consequences of an unplanned (geriatric) pregnancy and all that energy (and money) you’ll need to keep up with a toddler!
Be prepared AND don’t get caught out by the mother of all menopause myths!.
Meno-Myth#4: SUCCESSFULLY DEBUNKED!
