Greetings and salutations my ravishing readers!
I am honoured and thrilled to be the travel correspondent for the global phenomenon that is emmaheaven.com. My name is Lady Perdita Fitzwilliam Tudor-Croft, Perdy to friends, Ditsy D to family and Dirty Dita to my unsavoury exes, but you can all call me Lady P.
Greetings and salutations my wonderful readers. This month’s issue is called Exotic, but what exactly does that word mean in the world of Lady P?
After consulting Google, one’s go-to for all-important information, gossip and tidbits, one discovered that some of the many definitions of exotic are: attractive, strange or different in a way that is striking, or fascinating; strangely beautiful, enticing, colourful or out of the ordinary.
Well, I don’t know about you, but wouldn’t you agree my darlings – and one knows that self-praise is no recommendation – that that one small statement could pertain to a certain fabulous Lady, not a million miles from here…?
Let’s delve a little deeper…
Attractive: Now, without running the risk of sounding overly conceited, rather than wading in the shallow end of the gene pool, one has been rather fortunate to have been swimming in the deep end what with being blessed with stellar DNA and good breeding. In fact, you could confidently and accurately say that one is a purebred, aristocrat through and through. Quite the thoroughbred…
Some people may find that statement rather arrogant, but that’s just jealousy, pish posh, or, as Emma Heaven says, Twaddletosh! It’s not arrogance! One would prefer to say that it’s confidence, being comfortable and happy with how one looks and making the most of what Mummy and Daddy bestowed on me. When you’ve been blessed to win big in life’s beauty lottery, then quite frankly, you don’t hide your light under a bushel! #ConfidenceIsAttractive
Striking: One has been called a striking woman on many occasions, or was that a woman who engages (occasionally) in the action of striking out? Hmmm…The jury is out on that one my darlings; however, in one’s defence, one must state that although one can be a tad volatile, it is entirely justified, especially when one is provoked and one’s back is against the wall, so speak…!
Anyway, I digress…
Back to ‘striking’ – and again thanks to the all-knowing oracle that is Google – synonyms of the word striking are as follows: impressive, dramatic, stunning and wonderful. Good old Google has once again summed me up perfectly.
This can be certified – one would hope – by one’s nearest and dearest, certain people in one’s inner circle, and a good proportion of one’s previous and current suitors…
As far as I am concerned I can categorically state and provide evidence that I, Lady P am:
- Impressive – one has trekked to base camp on Mount Everest, which both Daddy and I are immensely proud of and will drop into conversation at any given opportunity! #BraggingRights
- Dramatic – one does have a flare for the dramatics, and tales of one’s tantrums and escapades are legendary to all who know and love me…
- Stunning – one can be capable of stunning mere mortals with both one’s inner and outer beauty, and one’s behaviour! Believe me, it’s taken a lot of confidence-boosting sessions with a very expensive therapist to achieve that level of confidence and self-belief, and speaking of therapists, one has to give a heartfelt shout-out to the many, many beauty therapists and artistes, who have worked their talent and magic on one’s face, hair and body in order to produce the sophisticated bombshell that you have all come to know, love and hopefully admire!
- Wonderful – one would like to think that spending time in one’s company is rather like listening to the fabulous feel-good song ‘Wonderful World’ by Louis Armstrong, spreading a little hope, faith and inspiration to live your best life.
And after digressing, yet again, let’s return to the original exotic definition with:
Colourful – full of interest and exciting? YES! Controversial and colourful character? ABSOLUTELY!
Out of the ordinary – well one doesn’t want to blow one’s own (or anyone else’s) horn but I am indisputably unique and exceptional, just like a rare and exotic bird.
“Who wants to fit in, when you are born to stand out!”
In essence, to summarise my latest insights my darling readers, here’s a little synopsis of Lady P’s pearls of otherworldly wisdom…
- Believe in yourself and use your talent and assets wisely
- Love and respect yourself. Because if you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect others to?
- Don’t be afraid to let the world know just how fabulous and confident you feel. Woe betide anyone who shows any negativity towards you OR makes any derogatory statements on the matter!
This is Lady P signing out to all my wonderful exotic, and erotic readers…
Toodle pip darlings….
Note to Team Heaven
Please excuse this month’s somewhat left-field content. One misread the ‘eXotic’ theme, and wrote an ENTIRELY different column. On the plus side, one was able to repurpose that content and pop it behind a paywall…
In other news, one can’t escape the refrain of ‘It’s Coming Home’. One can only hope that that refers to England’s footballing fortunes in Germany, rather than an inelegant chant about a certain prodigal ginger son…