Menopausal Hotties

The hottest topic in town: Hottie’s Menopause Manual

The Emma Heaven magazine is proud to present the Hottie’s Menopause Manual..

Did you know that there are - brace yourselves - 34 reported symptoms associated with the menopausal journey?

Ohhh yes hotties you read that right! Not 3 to 4 but a goddamn 34 of the cheeky little blighters. You may want to make a cuppa or pour yourself a large glass, and sit comfortably as it’s a looooong list.

Do not fear though warrior hotties, as we are going to take them in our stride and steadily work our way through them.

Hopefully this will arm you with the knowledge, power and humour required in order to deal with the emotional and physical minefield that is the menopause.

We continue with…

26. Brittle Nails

Why would the menopause give me brittle nails?

That’s a bloody good question, however, from experience, we know that the peri/menopause journey is not a straightforward one, and a lot of what we experience is completely bat$hit crazy.

This may be a tad more unusual than other menopause symptoms but a right royal pain in the arse, especially if you are used to having and love manicured/painted nails. And who doesn’t love a bit of sparkle and glitter at the end of their fingertips to add some sparkle to the grind of the daily routine?!

For this we don’t need Miss Marple on the case as we already know the answer…

Yep. The usual suspects…HORMONES! Please step under the microscope for closer inspection.

Changes in our ever-fluctuating hormone levels, especially that little devil oestrogen, are to thank for this cacophony of our crumbling claws.

Oestrogen is a hormone that contributes to regulating the water levels in our bodies. As we progress through the menopausal journey our levels of oestrogen decline, which affects our fluid balance. A lack of water in our bodies causes dehydration, resulting in our nails becoming brittle, chipping, flaking and/or splitting.

What can us ladies do to keep our talons in tip-top condition?

Wear rubber gloves if hands are going to be submerged in water for any length of time, such as washing dishes or cars etc. And if you’re feeling a tad under the weather we suggest adopting clever (sneaky) tactics such as deploying the ‘menopause card’ to get out of doing the dishes chores by pointing out that you don’t have gloves. Tho this could go one of two ways, so don’t be surprised if this cunning plan crashes and burns when your nearest and dearest can’t be bothered to help, or dash out to buy you some Marigolds… . So either you suck it up and do them yourself, or throw the mother of all bitch fits so that help magically appears before all hell is let loose! Nobody wants the hormonal peri/menopausal woman going off on one!
Keep nails well moisturised - there are many great products out there. Or you could use some simple almond oil to keep them satisfied. A top tip is to do this at bedtime and pop on a pair of gloves - cotton not rubber!
Alternatively, keep nails short, which makes them less prone to breakage when bumped or getting snagged and caught on clothing.
Use nail polish or treat yourself to a manicure. These will add a protective layer to nails and may help prevent breaking or chipping. Just be mindful that some products contain chemicals which may hinder rather than help, so do your research. Many polishes combine nail strengtheners to do the heavy lifting, so that you don’t have to.

Knowledge is power, so help yourself by making good lifestyle choices.

You need to create a good balance of work, rest and play so here we go hotties.

As always ladies - you know the drill… Eat, sleep, rage/rave, repeat… Nooooo, not that drill ~ this one!

Last but by no means least - learn to relax and chill by taking time out to look after yourself. Have a leisurely relaxing soak in a warm bath, smooth and soothe yourself with moisturising lotions and potions, and decorate those nails so they sparkle and shine. Don’t forget to add in some music therapy to get those fingers and toes tapping.

Nobody needs to put the ‘manic’ into manicure, well not unless it’s something by the Manic Street Preachers…

A Design For Life - Manic Street Preachers
Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
Wild World - Maxi Priest
Daydream Believer - The Monkees
Feeling Good - Nina Simone
A Different Beat - Boyzone
Any Dream Will Do - Jason Donovan
Alive And Kicking - Simple Minds
Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - Backstreet Boys
Happy Ending - Mika