Menopausal Hotties

The hottest topic in town

This month’s issue is all about delicious sweet treats, but what significance does that have on our menopause journey? Not a lot really; however, one of the biggest tools we have in our arsenal in the fight to stay (relatively) sane during this tumultuous time is our sense of humour; and laughter - as they say - really is the best medicine!

So here goes…our take on sweet treats and menopause begins with a famous quote from the Forrest Gump movie:

“Life is like a box of chocolates ~ you never know

what you’re going to get”

Well, menopause is much less a box of chocolates and more of a sadistic box of tricks! You never quite know what the f*ck you’re going to get, and with so many weird and not-so-wonderful symptoms to choose from, we ladies really are spoilt for choice!!

As each new day dawns, we never quite know what’s going to be on the agenda.

It’s all rather like that old classic British TV show, ‘Stars In Their Eyes’.

“Today/Tonight Matthew I’m going to be”:

a hot f*cking mess!
a psycho on the edge!
a quivering wreck!
so friggin’ tired, I can’t get out of bed!
$hit, I can’t remember what I was going to do or say!

Unfortunately for us hotties, there’s no backroom makeup or wardrobe crew to get us looking like a million dollars, and some days, we can't even be flipping bothered to drag a brush through our hair, let alone put makeup and a smart outfit on…

So what do we do, ladies?

Do we admit defeat?

Or do we fight back and tell the menopause to go f*ck itself by taking back some semblance of control?

Are you going to be steamrolled by your symptoms and take them lying down? Or are you going to get up and face these challenges head-on?

You don’t lose if you get knocked down; you do lose tho if you stay down…so let the menopause battle commence!

This takes us back to our best defence, which is one of laughter and a sense of humour.

It’s time to become that kid in a candy shop again!!

And you know what that means, don’t you?...It means to be happy, enthused and excited by the abundant variety of things around us, often reacting to them in a way that is silly and not controlled!

With that in mind, here is our battle plan if you want to wage war on your menopause.

Look good, feel good

Arm yourself with industrial deodorant, take a relaxing bath and pamper yourself with decadent products - unless you’re a sensitive soul and perfume is the enemy, then adjust accordingly and use whatever works for you.

Take the time to do your hair and makeup and pop on an outfit which makes you feel good. It’s like armour and will give you the confidence to kick ass!

You are what you eat

Eat crap and you will feel like crap. Fill up on all the nutrients you need to give you energy and to help with your skin. Have fun cooking, become adventurous and try different recipes…it’s all a learning curve; however, if your nearest and dearest have the audacity to take the pi$$ by mocking your newly acquired culinary skills, far be it from us to suggest popping in a few Carolina Reaper chillies next time you’re cooking up a storm!

Laughter

Treat yourself to some ‘me time’ by doing something that makes you smile and laugh.

A quick catch-up with our favourite stand-up comedian, Sarah Millican, as she waxes lyrical about the delights of growing old - WARNING: Tena Lady required!

Spending time with people whose company you enjoy and can have a damn good belly-busting laugh with.

Gentle ‘exercise’

A walk in the countryside/forest/along the seashore. Anywhere that you can reconnect with nature to appreciate all its sights, smells and sounds.

Try relaxing with meditation/yoga/massage. There are so many therapies out there that will help you become a little more zen so you don’t lose your $hit in spectacular style; it’s all about damage control when those pesky little hormones come out to play.

Don’t give them the satisfaction of taking over your life, disrupting and ruining it! Find, learn and harness the skills to beat them at their own game!

And finally:

Sing when you’re winning!

Create your very own personalised hit list of terrific tub-thumping tunes that get you singing and dancing like a kid, laughing out loud as you boogie around the room with no f*cks given!

You are a strong, resilient, phenomenal woman - be proud and show that menopause who’s the f*cking boss!