January 2025

Menopausal Hotties

The hottest topic in town

Time after time…

That’s a very apt saying when referring to the menopause and all the glorious gifts that Mother Nature keeps bestowing upon us during this tricky time, because ‘time after time’ we keep getting hit with ANOTHER symptom and yes we sound like a broken record but let’s be honest here fellow Hotties, it is f*cking relentless!

So, instead of whingeing about how pi$$ poor the menopause journey is, and fixating on the endless list of batshit crazy symptoms let's take a timeout and do something more positive instead.

Let’s create a fun to-do list that we can take out, time after time, and put into practice to help distract us from the menopause and stop ourselves from turning into moaning nag-bag negative Nellies.

It's 2025…it’s a new year, so let’s try starting it with some fresh positivity and optimism. Yes, we know the menopause is an epic $hitshow, as is the ‘new year, new me’ mantra nonsense. But that doesn’t mean we have to surrender to it, yet we can ‘lean into it’ and accept some of the irreversible, inevitable changes, rather than expend precious, finite amounts of energy, becoming miserable, moaning f*ckers along the way, by trying to fight ‘it’!

Instead, let’s take the pi$$ out of it! As they say…laughter is the best medicine, so arm yourself with a robust sense of humour, and reacquaint yourself with some much-needed fun and laughter as we get this ‘time after time’ list underway…

Time After Time List

Activity 1:

Laughter

Are you up for a good giggle?

Let us introduce you to stand-up comedian Sarah Millican and in particular, her show: Bobby Dazzler where she waxes lyrical about vagina-smelling candles, smear tests, growing old, plus a whole myriad of funny female-related problems. It’s hilarious and honest. You’ll have tears rolling down your face and legs, you’ll be laughing so hard Tena Lady pads may be required!

Activity 2

Kitchen Disco - Sophie Ellis Bexter style

Let loose in the privacy of your own home with a killer upbeat soundtrack and boogie away. Pick out some tubthumping tunes and channel your inner pop star by becoming an all-dancing and singing diva. Sing like no-one is listening and dance like no-one is watching. Pretend microphone - hello hairbrush - and air guitars are optional!

Activity 3

Relaxing bath - with a difference

Proceed as normal with lots of bubbles and heavenly scented products - provided they don’t give you thrush: please refer to Sarah Millican’s back catalogue! Luxuriate in the warm bubbly water, enjoying the calm, quiet and relaxing atmosphere and then, right at the very end, instead of being hypercritical and going on a Debbie Downer about how much your body has changed and aged, we highly recommend you do a ‘Ricky Gervais bathtub selfie’. Either visit Ricky on X or go Google for pointers on how to perfect this fun activity. He is the master at giving zero f*cks and taking the pi$$ out of himself. Just think of the endless giggles this will produce every time you remind yourself. Plus you can create your very own competition and see if you can better the selfie… time after time!

Activity 4

Guilty Pleasure Gorging aka: The Hotties version of ‘Netflix & Chill’

Ingredients required:

  • Telly or tablet loaded with your favourite programmes/films/podcasts etc. Or for the more intellectually-minded in our midst, a bloody good book or stash of magazines
  • Substantial haul of your favourite indulgent goodies eg. chocolate, savoury snacks, sweeties, your favourite tipple
  • Sofa, comfy chair, bed, beanbag, hammock, or anywhere you feel comfortable and relaxed

Method:

Preparation is key! 

Make sure everyone is out of the house or out of the way.

Gather your treats.

Set the scene…

Fire up your chosen media or select a book/magazine.

Flop down gently and get comfortable on whatever piece of furniture you have picked.

Let the party commence…

Now we don’t want to be party poopers, however, please do indulge responsibly.

Don’t get $hit-faced by consuming too much alcohol, or eating yourself into a food coma!

A little of what you fancy, does you good, but everything in moderation is key - remember those pesky little hormones can be cantankerous buggers at the best of times, so don’t pi$$ them off by going OTT, sending them into a tizz and bringing about a whole host of nasty symptoms that you have tried to avoid or take your mind off!

Everything on this list is designed to be done in private, in the comfort of your own home without the fear of being judged…so enjoy darling fellow hotties and don’t forget to take this list out whenever you feel the need to treat and indulge yourself whilst laughing out loud, time after time…

Hottie’s Menopause Manual

Tags: Menopausal Hotties