Greetings and salutations my ravishing readers!

I am honoured and thrilled to be the travel correspondent for the global phenomenon that is emmaheaven.com. My name is Lady Perdita Fitzwilliam Tudor-Croft, Perdy to friends, Ditsy D to family and Dirty Dita to my unsavoury exes, but you can all call me Lady P.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me.”

Wise words that one has taken on board and always harnessed their power because, my darling readers, if you let name-calling affect your life, then it’s a slippery slope to catastrophic annihilation of one’s confidence; and as Daddy recently informed me - they are just nouns, sometimes combined to elicit a prescribed response…Now I’m no expert - wink wink - but one suspects Daddy has been watching the original Roadhouse again, especially after having panned the re-make, with an epic rant, peppered with a whole host of spicy and sarcastic words!

Daddy has recently been indulging in Patrick Swayze’s back catalogue, so to speak, but then again, what hot-blooded human doesn’t?! However, this does reek of hypocrisy since Daddy dearest has one of the most vicious tongues known to man and many a time has launched a tirade of nasty words and name-calling my way.

So without further ado my darling readers, one is going to divulge some of the words one has been called over the years - the good, the bad and the ugly! If only to prove the point that they are mere words - they matter not - and are survivable.

The Good

Bombshell - the definition of the word is a person who is the cause (and effect) and object of sensational, widespread attention, excitement or attraction, and THAT my darling readers, is little ol’ moi, perfectly summed up in a nutshell. 

And as one of my loyal darling readers, you are already familiar with me and this delightful word, as last month you were privy to one’s exciting news, where I announced the launch of my fabulous perfumed body and home fragrance product range, Bombshell!

Enchantress - a woman who uses magic to put someone, or something, under a spell, a captivatingly attractive woman.

Such fabulous words and what a compliment to be on the receiving end of, however, although they are one hell of an ego boost, it all pales in comparison to being confident in one’s own skin, not needing the attention of others to validate just how fabulous, sexy, desirable, alluring, powerful, intelligent, successful and strong women we are!

The Bad

Nincompoop - a foolish or stupid person.

Ignoramus - an ignorant or stupid person.

I think we can all safely guess that Daddy is the perpetrator of these not-so-complimentary terms of endearment and boy does he have a smorgasbord of them: cretin, imbecile, halfwit, buffoon, idiot, bloody airhead and, his - and my - all-time favourite - Ditsy D!

Do I get offended and cry over his hurty words? Absolutely not! Years of living with the cantankerous old git and my time at boarding school have toughened up this gal to the point where such insults and brickbats are water off a duck's back, and whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger yada, yada, yada! 

The Ugly

Slapper - a vulgar or coarse woman, or one who has many casual sexual relationships.

Bimbo - an attractive but unintelligent or frivolous young woman.

Again my darling readers, you've probably guessed that these derogatory names were branded by disgruntled ex-suitors, although in some cases, the word suitor is far too complimentary! However, one will not lower oneself to their standards by brandishing childish and hurtful names. It says more about the person wielding the insult than the person they’re weaponised against.

Yehuda Berg said: “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”

But I, Lady P, say that words can only be destructive if you let them, and you can quote me on that!

So feel free to do your absolute worst bitchy journalists, keyboard warriors, frenemies, disastrous dates, incompatible men and even that old lovable pain in the arse, Daddy. 

My name is Lady P and no matter what others may think of me, I know that I am rather f*cking fabulous!

Toodles…

 

*Team Heaven Gals*

Lorks dear gals - good job we’re not political around here. Some of the swear words dear Daddy is coming out with, while watching the UK’s pre-election coverage would make Gordon Ramsay blush!! 

Tho one does love a good ol’ fruity swear word or two to spice things up. One of Daddy’s much-used expletives of late is ‘hoofw*nking bunglec*nts’. Apart from certain politicians, it’s also a turn of phrase which could more than adequately describe a couple of self-imposed exile whingers Stateside who shall remain nameless. It has a certain je ne sais quoi about it, non?! And on that not-so-regal profane note, I’m off to wash my mouth out with some Bombshell, so to speak…