Is life passing you by?
Hello I'm Debbie Buss. I am an Intuitive Healer and Spiritual Coach. My passion is working with women, helping them to get back into their forgotten bodies.
*Warning: This column contains strong language and adult content!
September has been a whirlwind and I cannot say thank you enough to the lovely readers at Emma Heaven for all the amazing comments and feedback.
Thank you for making me so welcome.
On #TeamHeaven they always like to turn it up a notch, and as a coach I always hold my clients to accountability and get them to move out of their comfort zone. So for this issue, Emma has tasked me to arm and equip her readers with ‘superpowers’ to deal with the daily shit life throws at us, and what better way than to follow:
The art of not giving a fuck!
The art of not giving a fuck is based on a high degree of self-worth and having healthy boundaries in place. In last month’s column I talked about not settling for less than the best, and not allowing others to walk over you.
To live a life this way, you really must dig deep and look at what is going on with you - who or what is triggering you, and ask yourself the question “What part of me is being disturbed by this?” This is beautifully written in Michael Singer’s book “The Untethered Soul”.
Once we embrace our fears, faults and start stepping into them - not running away and avoiding the situations and the people around us - when we really confront what is going on with us, how are we showing up in the world? With our relationships, our careers and in business, how honest are we really being with ourselves, and does it really matter what others think of us?
One of my all-time favourite quotes from Theodore Roosevelt really helped me recently when I allowed the opinions of others to cloud my judgement and make me doubt who I am as a mother, business owner, coach and as a woman.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.”
This changed my perspective on everything and really made me move into greater clarity and clear focus of not giving a fuck, so unless you are in the ring with me, getting your arse kicked, then your opinion which matters to you, has no effect on me or my life.
I wanted to share with you my daily routines that really help me when the shit hits the fan and I become overwhelmed.
Journaling: This is something that I do daily and cannot stress enough, the insights and deep understanding of yourself that will occur when you journal.
- Try to do it first thing in the morning. So instead of reaching for Facebook or checking your emails, grab that book and pen, and just start writing.
- Write quickly, don’t stop to think, just keep going, use it for dumping out everything that is in your mind, get it out on the paper.
- These are your private thoughts so you don’t need to share or show it to anyone,
- Try and commit to 10 minutes every day, go deep and give yourself the permission to let the words flow, you may even find that they end up being your to do lists – that’s ok.
- Have fun with your words. You will soon start move into clarity and clear focus.
Take time out: This is not about going to the hairdresser’s or having a manicure, and it is not going food shopping on your own. This timeout is for you to replenish and let your imagination take the lead.
- First, have fun, on your own, without the kids, husbands, family, or friends.
- Do something that you crave, that is daring and bold.
- Learn a new skill – something you have always wanted to do.
- Make it a weekly habit - it doesn’t have to be all day, even taking an hour out for yourself is a start.
Meditate: I try and do this every day, five minutes in the morning or last thing at night. For me it is about quieting the chatter in my mind and allowing the calmness to wash over me. Anyone can meditate - it is about training the mind.
- Sit or lie in a comfortable position.
- Turn off all distractions, such as the phone, TV and the children if you can! Close your eyes.
- Make no effort to control your breath, simply breathe naturally.
- Be aware of the background noises, just allow them to come and go.
- Enjoy. You can use music if you wish. I prefer to just meditate in silence.
Get Moving: Reaching a balanced life requires a mental and physical shift. Your body will never feel truly aligned or grounded if your thoughts are taking over, so the best way is to shake the energy.
- Dance like no one is watching; allow your feelings to surface and with every beat release negative feelings.
- Rebound – jumping on a mini trampoline. I am not one for going to the gym but 3-5 minutes a day bouncing on my mini trampoline has been a lifesaver. It has helped me to become more balanced and it is so much fun. (Ladies, this will also show if you need to work on your pelvic floor muscles!).
- Go for a walk just to clear your mind and breathe in fresh air.
- Swimming. Just 30 minutes of swimming burns 300 calories; it’s also a great cardiovascular exercise.
Detach from the bullshit: When we detach from a person or situation, this allows us the freedom from our past and from the known - you must relinquish your attachment to it. Attachment is based on fear and insecurity and the need for security is based on not knowing your true self.
- It is not about giving up the intention to create your desire; you don’t give up the intention or the desire; you give up the attachment to the result.
- The moment you let go of the attachment to the result, you will have what you desire but on a deeper level and usually way more than you imagined.
- Look at what you are attached to - materialistic things like cars, houses and money. They come and go; and attachment to money will create insecurity no matter how much you have.
- Live everyday looking for the excitement of possibilities - when you experience uncertainty you are on the right track – so don’t give up.
When you start to let go of the need to worry about what someone thinks of you and the constant approval from others - then the stories we tell ourselves and project to the world will help you move freely into The art of not giving a fuck. The world will suddenly seem brighter and lighter and in the words of Mark Manson, the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, “Let’s be honest; sometimes things are fucked up and we have to live with it .“