Is life passing you by?
Hello I'm Debbie Buss. I am an Intuitive Healer and Spiritual Coach. My passion is working with women, helping them to get back into their forgotten bodies.
*Warning: This column contains strong language and adult content!
September has been a whirlwind and I cannot say thank you enough to the lovely readers at Emma Heaven for all the amazing comments and feedback.
Thank you for making me so welcome.
On #TeamHeaven they always like to turn it up a notch, and as a coach I always hold my clients to accountability and get them to move out of their comfort zone. So for this issue, Emma has tasked me to arm and equip her readers with ‘superpowers’ to deal with the daily shit life throws at us, and what better way than to follow:
Are you big enough to admit who you really are?
WHO AM I? Ask yourself this question. Really delve deep. Get a notepad or journal - even a piece of paper will do - and write this question down. Take time to listen to the answer. Just 10 minutes of quiet time. No need to ask anyone else. This exercise is for you only.
Are you defined by your status or label? If asked the question, would you say “I am a mother, wife, husband, father, daughter, sister, housewife, business owner etc?” I really want you to go deeper than this. And you will soon know if you are on the right track, because you will start to avoid the question, start playing Candy Crush or looking at Facebook, or anything other than face the impending task or question that has been presented to you. For me if I’m in avoidance mode, I will either go make a cup of tea, check my emails or watch daytime TV; instead, I down tools and go for a walk to clear my mind.
My reason for asking this question is that so many of us, myself included, sometimes forget who we are. By asking this question you start to get a more honest answer. Before I would answer “mother, wife, business owner, entrepreneur”, but when I started to look deeper into the question my answers became apparently different.
Yes, I am the above, but before all of that did I exist? Have I been lying to myself and telling sweet little lies as a cover up for who I really am? When you start to do this exercise, you will need to get honest with yourself. You will start to accept things at face value. You will come out of denial. For some, you will find this exercise hard, as this is the time for truth for you to proclaim it out loud and be willing to be transparent and honest. You may even start to look differently at others, look at how your boundaries are being conflicted.
I will give you an example of mine. When I asked myself the question recently my response was the following words.
Strong I Vulnerable I Loyal I Peaceful I Grateful I Blessed I Loved
For this is who I really am. Most of us have been heavily conditioned by our parents, families, classmates, teachers and work colleagues. Each of us is genetically programmed to be attracted to difference; because of this we have a world of people who have no authentic respect for themselves, most probably dislike themselves and trying to live their lives through others. So by living this way they are not being themselves, causing them to live in the shadow, becoming disappointed, frustrated and generally unhappy.
So how can we get out of this?
You need to emerge from the many years of layers and conditioning. Start by letting go of habitual attachments. Letting go can be painful and a slow process as there will be an internal battle between thoughts still arguing for control over your life.
As you start to overcome the conditioning and the removal of layers, you will start to take steps towards the road you are designed to walk. By concentrating on the inner work, you see the benefits of a life where you no longer need to compare yourself with others.
There is a warning though for anyone doing inner work. You will start to encounter resistance - this will show itself as frustration, bitterness, anger, feeling low and disappointed. You may start to feel as though you are going backwards, may also highlight ill health, and being stuck in a relationship you no longer want to be in, or the job that is draining every ounce of energy.
For transformation to take place and to grow you must be willing to give up the struggle to remain the same and start to embrace the new emerging you. There is a metaphor ‘Thorn in your side’ that can have so many meanings - in relationships, career, family members (mother in law springs to mind, God rest her soul).
The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer offers a great example of this. Where there is a thorn in a person’s arm and how it touches a nerve, so that when touched it is extremely painful, it hurts so much that you can’t sleep and can’t be touched. There are two solutions:
1.You either remove the thorn (the problem, person, issue); or
2. You create a wall around it to protect the arm and the thorn becomes a way of life. Basically the thorn completely runs your entire life, affects every decision, where you go, who you spend time with and who you are comfortable with.
Have you ever come across people in your life now, or in the past, where you have outgrown the friendship or relationship, but you are afraid of letting go for fear of hurting their feelings, and so you give, give and give until one day you need their help and they are not there for you? All you are doing is protecting yourself from the problem and this then becomes a perfect reflection of the problem. You haven’t solved anything, because if you don’t get to the root of the cause it will always be there and it doesn’t matter how many plasters you use, how many coping mechanisms such as drinking alcohol, drugs, addiction, it will always be there.
- So be aware of the situations and people around you.
- Be gentle and patient with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up.
- Honour yourself first. Don’t take anything personally.
- Nothing others do is because of you, it is a projection of who they are.
- Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
- Don’t make assumptions. Ask the hidden questions and express what you really want.
- Love and appreciate yourself more and more.
There is no reason to suffer. The only reason you suffer is because you choose to suffer. Choose to be happy and free.
Tags: Debbie Buss