Just as a horoscope is a short prediction of future events based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of a person’s birth - and we make no judgment if you do or don’t believe. Much...!
So with this in mind, we at emmaheaven.com have decided to consult with the Fashion gods (yes they do really exist) to see what fashion and beauty looks are essential for your star sign every month.
Failure to comply with your ‘fashionscope’ may result in us calling the fashion police to arrest you for a sense of humour failure and inability to take the mick out of yourself and your wardrobe!
Fashion and beauty should be fun - life’s way too short, so let’s get a grip and don’t take it - or ourselves - too seriously!
Powerful feelings of nostalgia, regret and a whole host of other emotions are revealed when you find yourself deep in thought whilst sat amongst the entire contents of your wardrobe, piled high on the floor #Floordrobe... The job in hand is ruthless and cruel and the rules are - if you haven’t worn the item in the last 6/12 months then you need to bin it! Oh who are you kidding?! You know full well that you’re just going to bag it up and stash it in the loft, as you reassuringly tell yourself they’ll come back into fashion one day.
Relationships are top of your agenda and the most important relationship you have at the moment is with your Spanx collection! (The holy grail of instant body enhancers!) This valuable little stash is saving your bacon this month as you try and see off the last of the excess Christmas weight. When sporting these little beauties - hell, no one can even notice that slight muffin top! They are true love. Your relationship is a match made in heaven. They’re life savers. Your best friend. They really are the one and only love of your life.
It’s likely that financial changes are set to threaten the very existence of life as you know it. With the price of vegetables soaring due to bad weather in Europe, you need to prepare for the worst! As you have to maintain a healthy lifestyle in order to fit into your ‘to die for’ wardrobe - you just know that fashion shopping is going to take a big hit! Be brave darlings - it won’t last forever. Style it out and remember, the future’s bright - the future’s aubergine!
Perhaps you are starting to see Crocs from a totally different perspective. Do I or don’t I mock the Croc!? After all they have recently been on the runways at fashion week, adorned with pretty jewels, giving them a sparkly new upgrade. BUT and this is a huge BUT - don’t get sucked into this totally bonkers trend. Proceed with caution, as when you start on the slippery slope of indulging ridiculous catwalk trends - who knows where it will lead you to next! Walking your local high street is NOT the same as walking London Fashion Week!
Your feelings toward swimwear intensify this month as it’s fast approaching the time to book your summer holiday. Everyone knows that summer bodies are created during the winter. So (wo)man up and get stuck in! Put a piccie of that desired costume on your fridge and earn that summer body. Stop dreaming about cake! It won’t help you fit in that fabulous one piece with the strategically placed cut outs that you’ve had your eye on forever. (And you don’t want your muffin top oozing out of them either.) Do you?!
We all have our critics. Sometimes they are helpful, eg. Your partner tells you the outfit you’re wearing is almost identical to the last one you wore out with the girls. Thanks sweetie. Or the extremely insulting but laughable “What the hell is that you’re wearing?” from your obnoxious teenage son/daughter, who thinks they’re a comedian. To the upsetting and soul destroying - when you turn up to an event and find the ‘body beautiful’ wearing the exact same outfit as you - only everyone is telling her the outfit must have been made with her in mind. If placed in this scenario - a fake text/phone call calling you away from the event is the only viable option!
You can see the potential in anything this month - even the awful, tasteless and tacky underwear your partner presented you with on Valentine’s day. What were they thinking? - And - heaven forbid - will the pole turn up to be fitted in the bedroom later in the week? Don’t despair - you can use the bondage tape to create a choker, or it can double up as industrial ‘tit tape’. Ignore 50 Shades Darker. You’re already creative (and saucy) enough. And you can turn your favourite teddy bear into a sexy, superhero (that peekaboo bra fits perfectly over the ears and ties into a fabulous mask!)
Who doesn’t love a bit of five star luxury? But you need to be careful! There’s a big difference between saving for that dream experience, or that holiday of a lifetime versus living beyond your means and sticking everything on the credit card - living a fake social media life to impress fickle friends. Get your head out of the clouds and stay real! After all who are you trying to impress and who are you kidding?! And if all else fails then hit the prosecco - it doesn’t cure stupid but it does sedate it!
Being the centre of attention is wonderful - isn’t it?! The adulation, the compliments, the “where did you get that dress from darling? - it’s simply divine.” And then comes the inevitable take down. The scrutiny, the bitchiness or the “that’s not very flattering on you/yellow’s not really your colour sweetie”. It’s time to develop a thick skin ‘sticks and stones’ remember?! And surround yourself with fabulous friends only. And if you want to wear yellow, then that’s your prerogative. Don’t let them rain on your parade.
A heated debate over something trivial can build in momentum until quite possibly it could explode violently sending shockwaves through your inner circle. So bite those tongues ladies and when asked to give your opinion on very important matters such as: ”What makes the perfect trophy jacket?” “At what age do I stop wearing crop tops?” Or “do horizontal stripes really make me look fat?” It’s NOT worth going all ‘Mariah’ on them them, or throwing a diva tantrum when your views are ignored or laughed at. So either be diplomatic or try that good ole ‘celeb’ staple - “NO COMMENT”!
You’re already preparing for the worst - after all with Valentine’s day and February being the month of love, you’re single, with no sign of romance on the horizon. You make a conscious decision to avoid all social media - do you really want to see all the lovey dovey pap with people proclaiming undying love for their other halves in long winded posts (while said partner is sitting next to them on the couch!). NO. Instead you do a Bridget Jones, complete with flannel pyjamas, chocolates, chick flick and lots of vodka.
New distractions put a smile on your face with the launch of 50 Shades Darker. Your thoughts turn to new and inventive seduction techniques to try out on your unsuspecting partner. You quite like the thought of turning up to dinner whilst going ‘commando’ (no knickers). Even being blindfolded and handcuffed to the bed sounds exciting. HOWEVER, you draw the line at being spanked with a leather paddle! After all, you didn’t bust your butt in the gym squatting, for your wonderfully pert posterior to be coloured 50 shades of pink, crimson and purple! And we’ve all heard about being up *that* creek with no paddle...