Cross Stitch Bitch
I am the worldwide phenomenon that is Cross Stitch Bitch.
I’m a hot, young, nubile sex bomb who partakes in the genteel, delicate form of artwork that is ‘Cross Stitch’.
Cross Stitch Bitch is my really naughty alter ego; she likes alcohol, partying and inappropriate men, all in copious amounts.
I prefer to remain anonymous as I feel it gives me an enigmatic air of mystery, plus I can be as rude and filthy as I want to be, which is totally NOT what I’m like in real life. I’m very quiet & reserved, shy almost.
And I’ll have you in stitches...
*Now before you read any further I must stress that CSB uses bad language, adult humour and sexual references a lot. And I mean a LOT! So if you are easily offended then please do not read on... I won’t be held responsible or liable for any adverse reaction you might have!
Any advice is not to be taken TOO literally!
Dear CSB & CSNB
Please help me with my dilemma!
I have been secretly dating this guy for about six months. He treats me like a princess, spoils me with extravagant gifts, AND the sex is absolutely insane.
So why haven’t I introduced him to my family and friends?
I feel so shallow saying this, but he’s not very good looking and to be honest I am embarrassed to be seen with him. Hence the dating behind closed doors.
Please help me!!
I need all the advice I can get.
Oh my, even after all the months of doing this problem page I’m still positively startled at the horrible people who send problems in. You know how much of a horrible person you are because you even allude to it in your question!
Beauty is only skin deep and if he is as wonderful as you say he is in every other area then why are you being so shallow? Maybe he thinks you are ugly and he’s embarrassed to be seen with you - did you ever think about that?
You are almost certainly ugly on the inside and I actually feel sorry for this man getting stuck with you.
When you are both old and grey, your looks will have faded and all that will be left is what is underneath. So on this occasion my advice would be for you to grow up, don’t be such a c*w and be grateful for what you have. (I’m sorry for being a bit potty-mouthed dear Lord but this one deserved it).
OK, so how ugly are we talking here - are we talking pig - or super pig? Not that either description will make a difference. If you’re ashamed of him then you’re ashamed and yes, it is shallow, but unfortunately in life, that's the way the pigeon shits - some people are blessed with good looks and others...not so much.
Now, that being said it sounds like he does have a lot of potential so before you write this one off completely, let me tell you about my friend called Mary Anne.
Now, I once had a friend called Mary Anne. Mary Anne met a chap who was not good looking. And I mean not good looking AT ALL. But he did have a very large penis which Mary Anne liked very much indeed, she just didn't like his face - so she had to become creative and find ways to cope with looking at him.
Whilst love making she insisted on complete darkness or if it was daytime then she'd close her eyes really tight, or feign being in the throes of pleasure so much that she’d dramatically drape her arm over her face so she didn't have to look at him.
As it turns out she didn't have to feign it for very long because as well as being very ugly he turned out to be a right prick so she ended it.
But my point is - even though Mary Anne was repulsed, she made it work. You say you’re embarrassed to introduce him to your friends and family but your friends and family won’t give a monkey’s chuff about what he looks like, they will only care if you’re happy and, aside from his face it sounds like you are happy. Plus do you realise how difficult it is to find someone who ticks all the boxes?!
So my advice is to give him a chance - introduce him to your people and I’m sure they will love him as much as you love his wallet.
Talking of wallets, he sounds like he has a bit of coin so you could tell him to ease up on the romantic gifts for you and he could get a bit of plastic surgery instead? A chin implant can do wonders for a fellow these days 😊
The bible basher and I will see you next month my friends... but in the meantime, if you’d like to donate to a very worthy cause (The CSB Summer Holiday Fund) then click on the link below and buy my shit.
Cheers m’dears xxxx
Don’t forget, if you’ve got a problem then we’ll solve it!
Tags: Cross Stitch Bitch